16 Weeks: The Sleep Regression Continues

You know? The four month growth spurt/sleep regression has been the worst. The WORST. We are now going on week four of Kaiden getting up at least three times a night...sometimes upwards of six, and it's just been exhausting as hell. It's especially bad when he wants to nurse for an hour every hour.

Last night, he only woke up twice, so hopefully this means he is coming out of the regression. I am certainly over it, that's for SURE.

This week, Kaiden has been trying to eat his foot. He's been experimenting with his voice and making new sounds. He's also discovered how to blow raspberries and spit bubbles on Thursday, so his shirt has been soaked through with spit and drool. That's also been what he's doing...drooling. A lot. I think he's started to teethe, even if there aren't any teeth visible. He likes to chew on his fingers, as well as my own fingers and anything else he can get into his mouth.

Breastfeeding is still going okay. I'm dealing with some oversupply and overactive let down issues again because of the growth spurt and Kaiden's reflux. It gets frustrating, but we are getting through this, just as we've gotten through the last fifteen weeks of breastfeeding ups and downs.

Here's a picture of my baby boy trying to eat his foot. He also has a scratch on his face because he likes to claw his face while he's sleeping.

14 Weeks: Sleep Training and the Early Four Month Sleep Regression

Since the week after Christmas, we have been working on sleep training. Note: This does not mean we are using the Cry It Out (CIO) method. Sleep training and CIO are not the same thing, though they are often thought to be the same thing.

Really, we have been working hard on sticking to our bedtime routine. The week before Christmas until the week after Christmas, Kaiden started to sleep through the night. Then, he hit a growth spurt, and that went to hell in a hand basket real quick. Now, at the end of Kaiden's 14th week, we are going through the four month sleep regression two months early.

Before I get into the hell that is the four month sleep regression, I want to write down what we managed to accomplish, and how we worked out our bedtime routine.

- We agreed we wanted Kaiden to be in bed by 9pm. Previously he was staying up to 11, and that was getting to be too much.

- We start our routine at 8 pm. This includes a bath every night, sometimes a belly massage before or after the bath, reading two books, saying our prayers, getting a bottle (since he will comfort nurse for while if I let him nurse, and this way, I know he's getting a full meal before bedtime), then being put down for bed.

- The first couple days were the worst...but they weren't really that bad. We had to go up a few times to assure Kaiden that it was okay and to give him his bink. We've been in the routine for a little over two weeks now, and we only go up once, if that. He's really good at self-soothing, he just doesn't like being alone in rooms by himself, and when he realizes we aren't there, that's when he gets upset.

It was nice, after we got into this routine, to have a few hours to ourselves each night before we went to bed too. It was also nice because we could sleep through the night with the baby.

Was nice.

Was.

And then the sleep regression hit. Suddenly, Kaiden started getting up for his 4 am night feeding again. Then, he started to get up for both the 4 am feeding AND the 2 am feeding. Now, we are back on his newborn schedule, for the most part. He sleeps from 9 - 2, then wakes up at 4, 5, 6, 7, and 9. It's that last stretch that has been the hardest. I would rather get three solid hours of sleep at a time, then be woken up every 45 minutes to an hour. It is wearing me out, especially because I am nursing all of those feedings.

We are thinking about using a bottle for the 2 am feeding again, like we did when he was a newborn. That would let me rest a little longer before he starts waking me up every hour until I have to go to work. The downside, I thought, would be that I'd still have to pump, but really, I don't, since he was skipping that feeding all together before. My body should know what to do. I hope.

The sleep regression also goes hand-in-hand with a growth spurt that lasts damned near a whole month, or so they say. This time, Kaiden is eating his most through the hours of 4 am and 9 am, and he seems to be eating less during the day. He is also fighting me at every chance he can get when it comes to nursing, which is super stressful.

We also tried to move Kaiden into the nursery yesterday...which didn't work. It was mostly because of me, since I got super anxious and cried as soon as I left the room. I put Kaiden back into my room. It was silly to try anyway, since he is waking up so often, and I don't feel like getting up out of bed and walking to the nursery each time he needs to eat.

So, that's what's been going on this week. Such a long, long week. I really hope this doesn't last a month.

Here he is helping mommy fold a sock:

Post-Infertility Survivor's Guilt

This article really touched me. It's why I hesitated to continue this blog. It's why I waited until Kaiden was three months old before I thanked my RE for not giving up on me. It's why my RE will never, in person, see this baby he helped me grow.

This is a real thing. It's a difficult thing. Infertility doesn't go away after you have a baby. It lingers emotionally and physically. I still deal with annoying PCOS things, and I know in my future, I'll still deal with it too. When I am ready to be pregnant again, I know I will be subjecting myself to all the same things that I have these past three years.

Infertility hurts. It always will.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kathryn-kefauver-goldberg/a-twin-moms-post-infertility-survivor-guilt_b_4466210.html

13 Weeks: The growth spurt is over! Happy New Year!

Since Christmas, Kaiden has been going through a growth spurt. It finally came to an end today, thank God. It was horrible and one of the most challenging ones we've had.

No one ever told me about growth spurts going into motherhood. I mean, I know what they are, but I didn't know babies went through them at certain times, and that they would be freaking miserable during that time. Oh, and kiss whatever plans you had goodbye as well.

This growth spurt, Kaiden was needy as heck. He wanted to nurse every hour or less, and if he wasn't nursing, then he was crying and restless because he refused to sleep as well. Our bedtime went out the window. Kaiden wanted to stay up until midnight, and stay up he did.

The nursing took a toll on my poor boobies and my sanity. I don't like feeling like I have done absolutely nothing with my day, and when I am actually doing absolutely nothing with my day, it makes me depressed. So, by last night, my nerves were frazzled, my anxiety was up, and I was feeling very, very down. On top of this, Kaiden wouldn't go to bed, so I eventually just gave in and realized I wasn't going to get any time to myself, and I nursed him to sleep, then fell asleep with him.

When I woke up this morning, I said to my husband, "At work, we always tell the students 'Today is a new day.' So, today is a new day." And that's the attitude I went with. Thankfully, it seems the growth spurt has passed. My happy, busy baby is back, he's not nursing every hour, and I got him down to bed before 9pm (for now).

So, tomorrow is a new year. A week ago, I was looking back through this blog at these weeks just to see where I was, so to speak. I can't believe how much change a year can bring. This past year has been very hard on my career, it's been a challenge through my pregnancy, but it has been wonderful. My family has grown this year, and I look forward to seeing my son grow through the next year.

I hope you all have a happy new year as well. If you didn't get your baby yet, just know that he or she is coming. Remember, as hard as it is, that every failed cycle is bringing you closer to the baby that was meant to be yours. I couldn't imagine having any other baby but my Kaiden. <3

12 Weeks: Kaiden's come so far!

Last Tuesday was Kaiden's 12 week birthday, and I can't believe how far he's come and how much he's grown. Every time he learns something knew, I am amazed by it. These are some things he started doing this past week:

-Refusing to recline -- he wants to sit up straight and will pull himself up to sit up straight, even if he can't keep himself up.
-Plays with my shirt or pets me while nursing
- Said "ho ho ho." For realz.
-Said "uh-oh" yesterday. I'm not lying. Haha.
- Grabs objects with two hands
- Puts his hand in my mouth so I nibble his fingers
- grabs his feet
- purposefully moves his feet to hit very specific toys
- bounces in his jumperoo
- sits up in a bumbo

I love this kid, I really, really do.

10 Weeks: A little person!

We had a rough 9th week filled with lots of reflux and doctor's visits. It was really stressful, but thankfully, after adjusting Kaiden's medicine and feeding him more rice cereal bottles, he seems to be doing much better. I realized that I was putting my own, selfish desires in front of Kaiden's health. I wanted so badly to nurse him all the time and not give him formula...but what he really needed was more formula and rice cereal to help settle his tummy. I did that, and now he's back to being a happy dude and is, once again, nursing more than anything else.

I feel like Kaiden has turned into a little man this past week. He has been discovering things with his hands now, including smacking his toys, touching everything, playing with mommy's hands, touching his hair, grabbing his ears, grabbing his feet, stroking his tummy...I could go on and on. He is rolling from his tummy to his back more often and with purpose (he's been doing this since around 6 weeks old), and can even push his feet and scoot around when on his tummy. He loves to sit up (with assistance), and prefers this at all times of the day. He also complains and grumps at us if we do something he doesn't like, and this goes on for a good five minutes of him just going on and on and on. It's so funny.

The doctor said that Kaiden is very strong and ahead of the game, which is awesome. He's just so smart, and I love watching him grow and discover something new every day. We are waiting for him to laugh, since he tries so hard to laugh, and then some strange noise comes out instead. It's great.

Breastfeeding is going great. I still have some vasospasm issues and overactive let down, but Kaiden is handling it pretty well!

Here's a pic of him before I had to go back to work for the first time. He new he had to make my day first:

9 Weeks: Two month check up

Kaiden went to his two month appointment today. I have been sort of stressing about it all week, but it went really well. He now weighs a whopping twelve pounds! I missed his other measurements, but whatever. He's pretty long, and his head is not gigantic...that's good, right? Right.

This week, Kaiden has been working on trying to figure out how to laugh and blow raspberries. He has learned how to squeal, which is stupid cute and makes me love him all the more. I can't wait until he learns to laugh, though. I'm waiting for that little giggle.

This week, he's been sleeping a *little* bit longer though the night. He went from every 2-3 hours to every 3-4. Problem is, he wakes up at around 6 or 7 am and then will eat, fall asleep for a half hour, wake up and eat, fall asleep for a half hour, wake up and eat...and this goes on until around 10 am. It is not exhausting for him, but it's very exhausting for me, especially when he goes on refusing to take naps for more than thirty minutes after that. Tired mommy. Very tired mommy.

Breastfeeding has been going swimmingly. We haven't had any issues, and that feels so great to say. I no longer take bottles out with me when we go places, and sometimes, he even refuses to take his bottle at home and wants a boobie instead.

The reflux and gas is still an issue. The gas seems to be getting better, but the reflux is still there. The doctor really seems to want me to thicken ALL of his meals with rice cereal, but I am not ready to give up breastfeeding and go back to pumping. That, and rice cereal doesn't even thicken breastmilk. He isn't pushing the issue, though, since he knows how much I want to breastfeed. We are going to up the dose of Zantac to see if that helps more than it is now. I asked about something stronger he can take, but the doctor said that the next thing is Prilosec, and it's hard to find a pharmacy that will mix it or whatever for a baby. News to me!

Here's your picture for the week! I tried to catch him giving "the lip."