Since Christmas, Kaiden has been going through a growth spurt. It finally came to an end today, thank God. It was horrible and one of the most challenging ones we've had.
No one ever told me about growth spurts going into motherhood. I mean, I know what they are, but I didn't know babies went through them at certain times, and that they would be freaking miserable during that time. Oh, and kiss whatever plans you had goodbye as well.
This growth spurt, Kaiden was needy as heck. He wanted to nurse every hour or less, and if he wasn't nursing, then he was crying and restless because he refused to sleep as well. Our bedtime went out the window. Kaiden wanted to stay up until midnight, and stay up he did.
The nursing took a toll on my poor boobies and my sanity. I don't like feeling like I have done absolutely nothing with my day, and when I am actually doing absolutely nothing with my day, it makes me depressed. So, by last night, my nerves were frazzled, my anxiety was up, and I was feeling very, very down. On top of this, Kaiden wouldn't go to bed, so I eventually just gave in and realized I wasn't going to get any time to myself, and I nursed him to sleep, then fell asleep with him.
When I woke up this morning, I said to my husband, "At work, we always tell the students 'Today is a new day.' So, today is a new day." And that's the attitude I went with. Thankfully, it seems the growth spurt has passed. My happy, busy baby is back, he's not nursing every hour, and I got him down to bed before 9pm (for now).
So, tomorrow is a new year. A week ago, I was looking back through this blog at these weeks just to see where I was, so to speak. I can't believe how much change a year can bring. This past year has been very hard on my career, it's been a challenge through my pregnancy, but it has been wonderful. My family has grown this year, and I look forward to seeing my son grow through the next year.
I hope you all have a happy new year as well. If you didn't get your baby yet, just know that he or she is coming. Remember, as hard as it is, that every failed cycle is bringing you closer to the baby that was meant to be yours. I couldn't imagine having any other baby but my Kaiden. <3
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Saturday, December 28, 2013
12 Weeks: Kaiden's come so far!
Last Tuesday was Kaiden's 12 week birthday, and I can't believe how far he's come and how much he's grown. Every time he learns something knew, I am amazed by it. These are some things he started doing this past week:
-Refusing to recline -- he wants to sit up straight and will pull himself up to sit up straight, even if he can't keep himself up.
-Plays with my shirt or pets me while nursing
- Said "ho ho ho." For realz.
-Said "uh-oh" yesterday. I'm not lying. Haha.
- Grabs objects with two hands
- Puts his hand in my mouth so I nibble his fingers
- grabs his feet
- purposefully moves his feet to hit very specific toys
- bounces in his jumperoo
- sits up in a bumbo
I love this kid, I really, really do.
-Refusing to recline -- he wants to sit up straight and will pull himself up to sit up straight, even if he can't keep himself up.
-Plays with my shirt or pets me while nursing
- Said "ho ho ho." For realz.
-Said "uh-oh" yesterday. I'm not lying. Haha.
- Grabs objects with two hands
- Puts his hand in my mouth so I nibble his fingers
- grabs his feet
- purposefully moves his feet to hit very specific toys
- bounces in his jumperoo
- sits up in a bumbo
I love this kid, I really, really do.
Friday, December 13, 2013
10 Weeks: A little person!
We had a rough 9th week filled with lots of reflux and doctor's visits. It was really stressful, but thankfully, after adjusting Kaiden's medicine and feeding him more rice cereal bottles, he seems to be doing much better. I realized that I was putting my own, selfish desires in front of Kaiden's health. I wanted so badly to nurse him all the time and not give him formula...but what he really needed was more formula and rice cereal to help settle his tummy. I did that, and now he's back to being a happy dude and is, once again, nursing more than anything else.
I feel like Kaiden has turned into a little man this past week. He has been discovering things with his hands now, including smacking his toys, touching everything, playing with mommy's hands, touching his hair, grabbing his ears, grabbing his feet, stroking his tummy...I could go on and on. He is rolling from his tummy to his back more often and with purpose (he's been doing this since around 6 weeks old), and can even push his feet and scoot around when on his tummy. He loves to sit up (with assistance), and prefers this at all times of the day. He also complains and grumps at us if we do something he doesn't like, and this goes on for a good five minutes of him just going on and on and on. It's so funny.
The doctor said that Kaiden is very strong and ahead of the game, which is awesome. He's just so smart, and I love watching him grow and discover something new every day. We are waiting for him to laugh, since he tries so hard to laugh, and then some strange noise comes out instead. It's great.
Breastfeeding is going great. I still have some vasospasm issues and overactive let down, but Kaiden is handling it pretty well!
Here's a pic of him before I had to go back to work for the first time. He new he had to make my day first:
Friday, December 6, 2013
9 Weeks: Two month check up
Kaiden went to his two month appointment today. I have been sort of stressing about it all week, but it went really well. He now weighs a whopping twelve pounds! I missed his other measurements, but whatever. He's pretty long, and his head is not gigantic...that's good, right? Right.
This week, Kaiden has been working on trying to figure out how to laugh and blow raspberries. He has learned how to squeal, which is stupid cute and makes me love him all the more. I can't wait until he learns to laugh, though. I'm waiting for that little giggle.
This week, he's been sleeping a *little* bit longer though the night. He went from every 2-3 hours to every 3-4. Problem is, he wakes up at around 6 or 7 am and then will eat, fall asleep for a half hour, wake up and eat, fall asleep for a half hour, wake up and eat...and this goes on until around 10 am. It is not exhausting for him, but it's very exhausting for me, especially when he goes on refusing to take naps for more than thirty minutes after that. Tired mommy. Very tired mommy.
Breastfeeding has been going swimmingly. We haven't had any issues, and that feels so great to say. I no longer take bottles out with me when we go places, and sometimes, he even refuses to take his bottle at home and wants a boobie instead.
The reflux and gas is still an issue. The gas seems to be getting better, but the reflux is still there. The doctor really seems to want me to thicken ALL of his meals with rice cereal, but I am not ready to give up breastfeeding and go back to pumping. That, and rice cereal doesn't even thicken breastmilk. He isn't pushing the issue, though, since he knows how much I want to breastfeed. We are going to up the dose of Zantac to see if that helps more than it is now. I asked about something stronger he can take, but the doctor said that the next thing is Prilosec, and it's hard to find a pharmacy that will mix it or whatever for a baby. News to me!
Here's your picture for the week! I tried to catch him giving "the lip."
This week, Kaiden has been working on trying to figure out how to laugh and blow raspberries. He has learned how to squeal, which is stupid cute and makes me love him all the more. I can't wait until he learns to laugh, though. I'm waiting for that little giggle.
This week, he's been sleeping a *little* bit longer though the night. He went from every 2-3 hours to every 3-4. Problem is, he wakes up at around 6 or 7 am and then will eat, fall asleep for a half hour, wake up and eat, fall asleep for a half hour, wake up and eat...and this goes on until around 10 am. It is not exhausting for him, but it's very exhausting for me, especially when he goes on refusing to take naps for more than thirty minutes after that. Tired mommy. Very tired mommy.
Breastfeeding has been going swimmingly. We haven't had any issues, and that feels so great to say. I no longer take bottles out with me when we go places, and sometimes, he even refuses to take his bottle at home and wants a boobie instead.
The reflux and gas is still an issue. The gas seems to be getting better, but the reflux is still there. The doctor really seems to want me to thicken ALL of his meals with rice cereal, but I am not ready to give up breastfeeding and go back to pumping. That, and rice cereal doesn't even thicken breastmilk. He isn't pushing the issue, though, since he knows how much I want to breastfeed. We are going to up the dose of Zantac to see if that helps more than it is now. I asked about something stronger he can take, but the doctor said that the next thing is Prilosec, and it's hard to find a pharmacy that will mix it or whatever for a baby. News to me!
Here's your picture for the week! I tried to catch him giving "the lip."
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Two Months!
Kaiden is two months old today! He has certainly come a long way. Take a look at his lists!
Things I've Known How to Do
Cry
Eat
Poop
Make eye contact and follow objects
Smile
Talk/Coo
Support my head (mostly!)
Know Mommy and Daddy's voices
New Things That I Do
Suck on my hands (I finally found them!)
Self soothe when going to bed
Coo LOUDLY
Cry because I know it gets me attention, even if nothing is wrong (And you can really tell it's a fake cry)
Kick at my toys
Reach toward my toys with closed fists
Squeal
I am probably leaving some things out, but as you can see, things are going well! He has breastfeeding down to an art now (thank God), and we don't have any more issues with it besides coping with my overactive let down.
We are dealing with a newish obstacle, though. Kaiden was diagnosed with reflux last week, though...we've suspected it all along. It's been getting worse, and he has been in more pain because of it. So, now Kaiden is back on Zantac twice a day, and he is given a rice cereal bottle twice a day as well. We've seen a difference and the reflux is less now...but he still has moments when it sucks and I feel horrible. Last night, he was trying to talk to me, but the reflux kept coming up into his mouth instead, and he made the saddest little face and started to cry in frustration. I started to cry too, and my husband had to calm everyone down.
We go back to the doctor the first week of December for his two month check up, his vaccinations, and a follow-up to our reflux regimen. I am hoping that there is some improvement, but not much has happened since Friday. It's only been a few days, so maybe it will clear up by the end of the week.
His first Thanksgiving is coming up, and he will be meeting his daddy's side of the family for the first time. We are super excited about it! I plan on making a feathered headband for him to wear, that is, if I can get to the craft store tomorrow!
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, everyone! Remember what it is you are thankful for, not the things you do not have. This time, last year, I was coming up on my embryo transfer, which took place on Thanksgiving. That embryo didn't take, but I am thankful that it didn't, or I wouldn't have my precious Kaiden.
Monday, November 18, 2013
7 Weeks!: We are chugging along...
I know it's been a little while since I've posted last. I've had lots I've wanted to post about, but I hardly ever have the time to surface for air these days, and when I do, I have to decide if I want to take a shower or spend some time on the computer.
Kaiden is doing very well. He is now 10 lbs 1 oz according to last week's weigh in with the lactation consultant. He is still having lots of gas issues that we can't quite figure out. I thought it was the formula, so the pediatrician told me to stop all formula and to feed him only breastmilk. I did that for over a week, and it was very exhausting because Kaiden still isn't exclusively breastfed. So, not only was I having to get him to nurse more, but I had to find time to pump during the day as well so my supply didn't go down.
Kaiden was also going through a growth spurt at the end of week five, so he was constantly eating. The result? Sore, sore nipples. So sore. I was in so much pain that I was in tears, and just when I thought things were getting better (since Kaiden was now breastfeeding more than he was bottle feeding), my pain was getting in the way. I spent the better part of week six going back and forth between a nipple shield, ice, heat packs, lanolin and sheer willpower to only give my son breastmilk. Eventually, all of the pain and stress caught up to me, and I had a meltdown. My mother in law came down to spend the day with me and give me a break.
It was then that I made the executive decision to use the formula again when I needed to. This took the pressure off me to pump enough for Kaiden during the day when he would refuse to nurse. In turn, I stopped stressing out and Kaiden came back to the breast. Now, I am happy to say that he breastfeeds all through the day and usually only gets a bottle at night. There are times he wants to play at the breast and not eat, which results in Kaiden pulling and biting my nipples. So, I give him a bottle then to help my boobies out.
We still don't know what is causing all the gas issues. The mainly breastmilk diet has definitely improved things, but he still has very bad days when he's in pain. It bothers me to see him like that, since there's nothing I can do beside giving him gas drops and gripe water. I will be calling the doctor again to talk about the possibility of him having reflux issues that the Zantac just wasn't taking care of.
Developmentally, Kaiden is still a little a head of the game. He's "talking" much more, smiling brightly back at people, especially those he knows. He has discovered his hands and puts them in his mouth to self-soothe more often. He kicks at his toys when he's in his bouncy chair. He's great. :) Always so alert and attentive. I love spending time with him and watching him figure out how to make a noise back at me when I talk to him. I think he has it down now, though. When he first started "talking" he'd usually hiccup, sneeze and spit up before a voluntary sound came out. There's less of that now. :P
Here's a picture from six weeks. This is his "Mom, I don't want to eat anymore" face:
Kaiden is doing very well. He is now 10 lbs 1 oz according to last week's weigh in with the lactation consultant. He is still having lots of gas issues that we can't quite figure out. I thought it was the formula, so the pediatrician told me to stop all formula and to feed him only breastmilk. I did that for over a week, and it was very exhausting because Kaiden still isn't exclusively breastfed. So, not only was I having to get him to nurse more, but I had to find time to pump during the day as well so my supply didn't go down.
Kaiden was also going through a growth spurt at the end of week five, so he was constantly eating. The result? Sore, sore nipples. So sore. I was in so much pain that I was in tears, and just when I thought things were getting better (since Kaiden was now breastfeeding more than he was bottle feeding), my pain was getting in the way. I spent the better part of week six going back and forth between a nipple shield, ice, heat packs, lanolin and sheer willpower to only give my son breastmilk. Eventually, all of the pain and stress caught up to me, and I had a meltdown. My mother in law came down to spend the day with me and give me a break.
It was then that I made the executive decision to use the formula again when I needed to. This took the pressure off me to pump enough for Kaiden during the day when he would refuse to nurse. In turn, I stopped stressing out and Kaiden came back to the breast. Now, I am happy to say that he breastfeeds all through the day and usually only gets a bottle at night. There are times he wants to play at the breast and not eat, which results in Kaiden pulling and biting my nipples. So, I give him a bottle then to help my boobies out.
We still don't know what is causing all the gas issues. The mainly breastmilk diet has definitely improved things, but he still has very bad days when he's in pain. It bothers me to see him like that, since there's nothing I can do beside giving him gas drops and gripe water. I will be calling the doctor again to talk about the possibility of him having reflux issues that the Zantac just wasn't taking care of.
Developmentally, Kaiden is still a little a head of the game. He's "talking" much more, smiling brightly back at people, especially those he knows. He has discovered his hands and puts them in his mouth to self-soothe more often. He kicks at his toys when he's in his bouncy chair. He's great. :) Always so alert and attentive. I love spending time with him and watching him figure out how to make a noise back at me when I talk to him. I think he has it down now, though. When he first started "talking" he'd usually hiccup, sneeze and spit up before a voluntary sound came out. There's less of that now. :P
Here's a picture from six weeks. This is his "Mom, I don't want to eat anymore" face:
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Week 5: A Letter to Kaiden
Dear Kaiden,
Yesterday, you turned five weeks old. Right now, you are asleep in your rock and play right beside me, and smiling in your dreams.
Last year on this day, I was taking stimulation drugs to kick my ovaries in gear and get them producing eggs. Thirteen days later, you were created. You were one of nine kick ass embryos that made it to day five, and then to freeze a day later. Although I was sad that the embryo we put back didn't make it, I am glad that it meant that I'd get you instead. I couldn't imagine not having you.
In this past week, you've started to "talk" more and smile. You track objects with your eyes and reach for them when you really want to. You are awake more often than you are asleep, and you always want people to pay attention to you and talk to you.
How you went from being a little embryo in a petri dish to being the tiny human you are today is a miracle...and I am so glad that you were given to me after such a long road of failures and pain.
I love you.
-Mommy
Yesterday, you turned five weeks old. Right now, you are asleep in your rock and play right beside me, and smiling in your dreams.
Last year on this day, I was taking stimulation drugs to kick my ovaries in gear and get them producing eggs. Thirteen days later, you were created. You were one of nine kick ass embryos that made it to day five, and then to freeze a day later. Although I was sad that the embryo we put back didn't make it, I am glad that it meant that I'd get you instead. I couldn't imagine not having you.
In this past week, you've started to "talk" more and smile. You track objects with your eyes and reach for them when you really want to. You are awake more often than you are asleep, and you always want people to pay attention to you and talk to you.
How you went from being a little embryo in a petri dish to being the tiny human you are today is a miracle...and I am so glad that you were given to me after such a long road of failures and pain.
I love you.
-Mommy
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