Breastfeeding and Postpartum AF - You Suck

I finally got my PPAF, or my first period after having Kaiden. He is 13 months old now, so it held out for a good, long while, considering that I supplemented him for some of the time, and then I night weaned him. In reality, though, I know she couldn't have been that far off, since Kaiden's feedings have dropped to 2 or 3 good nursings a day.

I was curious, though, with PCOS, when it'd come back. A little part of me was excited for her return, if only to see if my weight loss and exercising efforts will have any affect on my cycles. My husband and I do not plan on TTC again until next summer, so I am taking this time to keep losing weight and getting myself healthier. I also think I might start to take Pregnitude again to help with all the PCOS stuff.

After a visit with my GP, she told me that I should shoot for losing two pounds a month, which is more realistic with PCOS. She also wants me to start shifting to a diet that is diabetic/insulin resistant friendly. I am not diabetic or have IR, but she thinks it will help me lose weight with PCOS. I've tried this before, and I'm happy to try it again, if it helps me meet my goal. I want to try and get down to 180 lbs by the summer. It's not my overall goal, but it would make me more than happy to be back at 180 first. And, it seems reasonable to me.

A couple of non-IR friends told me I should ask to try metformin anyway to help me lose weight and regulate my cycles. I am going to ask my GP about it, and perhaps I'll go to my new OBGYN to ask them too. I am not sure how I feel about it, since my last RE said it wouldn't serve a purpose if I am not IR, but if it can't hurt to try...then maybe I should try it?

Anyway, I know some of you are here to find out what a PPAF is like. I've heard horror stories about PPAF and how much the cramps hurt, and how it never ends, and blah blah blah.

Well, I didn't have any obvious signs of her approach. I had off and on cramps throughout the two months before she showed up, and some bloating, but nothing out of the ordinary. The onset was slow. It was light the whole time, and lasted five days. Easy peasey.

Now, I've heard that the next one can be the complete opposite, so we will see.

There's your TMI post for today.

One Year Old!

It has been a pretty hectic last couple of weeks, so sorry I couldn't update any faster.

My baby boy is now one year old. I started to write him a letter that I wanted to post here, but then I have yet to get the chance to finish it, so I will have to post it later. In either case, everyone is absolutely correct about the year flying by. I don't know where most of it went, but I do know that the night before Kaiden's birthday, and the night of Kaiden's birthday, I wept in my bed because my little boy is growing up.

My husband didn't understand why I was crying, and I told him, "One day, he's not going to need me like he needs me now. One day, I won't be able to hold him anymore, or let him rest his head on my shoulder." It was a little too sappy for my husband, but I think a little part of him understood. One-by-one the days are passing by, and I am enjoyed to watch my son grow up, but I am also sad that he is getting closer and closer to not needing me anymore. Thankfully, that's a long way off.

This past month has been filled with doing things to get his birthday party together. We had a photo shoot, I hired a baker, I secured catering and a pavilion at the nearby park. I juggled with some family drama that kept right up until today, the day of the party. I made some crafts for the party, I printed the pictures out, I got Kaiden's outfit together. The party was super stressful within itself, but thanks to my friends and family, we pulled it off.

I just put Kaiden to sleep, and I am sitting in the living room, absolutely exhausted, but it was well worth the stress. I loved the moment Kaiden put his whole face in his cake. Also, thank goodness for my baby carrier, because Kaiden was so upset there were so many people around, and he thought someone was going to take him from me. He only calmed down once I had him strapped in and holding his blankey.

He had his twelve month check up last week, and he lost weight (18 lbs 10 oz) and is 29 inches. Both of these are below the 20th percentile, and we have to go back in a month to get him weighed again. In the meantime, our job is to try and fatten him up some, but the doctor isn't too concerned because he is meeting and exceeding his developmental goals.

So, here are some new things Kaiden is doing:

- he signs "more" when he wants more of...anything.
- he drinks exclusively out of his sippy cup and no longer uses bottles
- he is off formula
- he is still nursing (yay!)
- he walks more than a few steps, but is still very picky about when he wants to walk
- he likes to climb
- he can point to your nose and mouth if you ask him where they are
- he has six teeth, four on the top and two on the bottom (and I think two more are coming in on the bottom)

Weaning From the Pump

This year, I was given a new work schedule. It pushed up the time I had to be in work by four hours, and it has been difficult for me and Kaiden. Our breastfeeding relationship has changed because of it, and pumping at work has been more stressful than ever. We are burning through our freezer stash FAST, and I don't pump enough to keep up with him due to the fact that we used to supplement with formula up until about two months ago. Each pumping session, I only get .5-2oz, and I only pump once at work now. I wanted to try to pump twice, but my schedule and staffing doesn't allow for it, and my state law only provides pumping accommodations for a year after Kaiden's birth. 

All of this combined has brought me to the decision to wean from my pump. This means, no more pumping at work, and when my stash depletes, then I will be introducing cow's milk or almond milk instead. This wasn't an easy choice to make for me, mostly because I am terrified of my supply bottoming out and drying up all together, ending breastfeeding all together. 

But stressing out at work about pumping isn't helping my supply either. I miss having my lunch time, not being late for my meetings, and having all my planning time to myself. So, this pump has got to go!

Right now, I am shaving time off my session. Normally, I pump for 20-25 minutes. Yesterday, I pumped for 15 and stopped because I was hardly getting anything, and it was frustrating me. Today, I am going to pump for 10-12 minutes. 

We will see how it goes. I'm nervous about it. Kaiden is already getting frustrated when he nurses, which is a sign that my supply isn't where it should be. I drank some Mother's Milk tea this morning, and I feel very full. Maybe I should wait until I get home from work to drink the tea. 

UPDATE: 

As of this past Friday, I have weaned off the pump. Friday was uncomfortable, but yesterday and today weren't as bad. I make sure to remind myself to let Kaiden nurse WHENEVER he wants to when we are home so my supply adjusts well and doesn't drop all together. Seems like we are okay so far! :)

11 Months Old

Here we are, the last month before my baby is a one year old -- a toddler. I can't believe that eleven months have flown by. Every month that passes is another month that I realize how very amazing life is.

Kaiden is still going through separation anxiety. It hasn't gotten any better, but I also don't think it's gotten to be any worse. He dislikes it when I am away from him, even if I am still in the same house, and to combat this, I've been letting him cry a little more each time, or I put him in his pack and play and encourage him to play on his own.

Since school is back in session, he is back in daycare regularly. I don't get to nurse him during my work day anymore, and that's been an adjustment on both of our parts. I pump once at work, despite the fact that I don't nurse him during the day anymore, but I may have to bump it up to twice at work since I suspect my supply is not where it should be. We will see.

At the beginning of the week, leaving him at daycare is harder than at the end of the week, since he has to warm up to the idea that I leave him to go to work. Sometimes it upsets me, but I know he gets over it quickly most of the time and moves on to playing.

We've been battling tantrums as well, mostly surrounding the fact that I won't hold him and let him nurse 24/7. But sometimes, it's over silly things, like not letting him eat a whole box of cheerios. The ridiculous ones are hard not to laugh at, but I remind myself and my husband that those are his feelings we are laughing at, and we should respect how he is feeling, even if it is absurd.

We made the switch to cloth diapering after we went through all the boxes of free diapers that our friends gifted to us. So far, we love it, but we are only on day two. :)

Kaiden is still nursing like a champ. He'd nurse for 24 hours straight if I let him.

Well, here's the list!

New Things Kaiden Does

- says "Hi, Dada" or "Hi Doggie" or just "hi" ALL THE TIME.
- mimics the tones of multi-word phrases (example: Where are you? or I love you)
- figured out that waving is a way of expressing hello and bye bye (before, he'd just say the words)
- high fives
- points, but not at specific things he wants yet.
- plays in his crib when he wakes up instead of crying.
- Cruises from one piece of furniture to the next, but doesn't cruise along a piece of furniture
- Crawls everywhere and anywhere
- Starting to climb
- Can locate things with his eyes when you ask him (example: Where is your turtle? Where is daddy?)
- absolutely loves his blankey and will be silly in love with it when you give it to him

Throwing a fit -- like Kaidens do.

Baby Led Weaning -- Should You Do It?

So, Baby Led Weaning is all the rage these days. If you are a "good parent" then you won't let your baby eat purees...or whatever nonsense some mothers believe.

This is what I believe: Do what is right for your baby and what is right for you.

I am not an expert in BLW in the least. Not even in the little bit. I know about as much as other go-with-the-flow moms know about it. So, take my words as you will...

I first started to try out BLW when Kaiden was six months old and started to show more interest in the food on my plate. It didn't go so well for two reasons. The first reason was that Kaiden hasn't ever been a baby to put things in his mouth. I lucked out on that front. So, he wasn't thrilled when I tried to put food in his mouth. He'd act like I was poisoning him, and he sometimes still does. He didn't start to eat table food/finger foods in earnest until around seven months.

This was also because BLW scared the shit out of me. I get that their gag reflex is normal and natural and it is safe because they younger they are, the closer to the front of their mouth it is...I get that. But, no amount of repeating that to yourself will take away the nervousness as you watch your toothless baby try to swallow a gigantic chunk of something-or-another whole. My husband and I would hold our breaths every time our son tried to eat something. Eventually, I'd tell my husband that we, as parents, were not ready yet, and we'd put aside the finger foods and give him a puree.

I recall expressing my concern on a Baby Led Weaning facebook page, and all the moms jumped on my case because I wasn't really doing BLW if I was giving purees, and how I shouldn't be in the group. It stung, but I knew what was right for my family, and I ignored them.

At ten months, Kaiden is an awesome self-feeder. He still has issues with shoving too much into his mouth at one time and trying to swallow big pieces of food that he doesn't mash down enough. He used to be good at this, but since his teeth have come in (and are still coming in), he likes to shove his whole hand and the food into his mouth. We've had a few actual choking incidents, mostly with watermelon, but it's gotten better. For instance, Kaiden kept trying to swallow huge pieces of a Yum-Yum wafer, and he would start to choke on it. My husband is always quick to get to his feet and help Kaiden, but these times I told him to wait and let Kaiden figure out what the problem is. Sure enough, Kaiden stopped trying to swallow the wafer and spit some of it out instead.

He is learning.

So, did I do BLW in the true sense of the term? No. Kaiden still gets purees, and he hasn't yet had any whole pieces of meat aside from turkey breast lunch meat, but we are happy with the pace at which we are currently going.

How did you introduce solids?

We tried a new approach -- give Kaiden his own plate of all the food he is offered this meal. I wanted him to learn not to rush to eat his food, and to know that when his plate of food is empty that is ALL he is getting. It went over very well. He didn't make a peep while eating, he ate slowly, and he didn't gag on anything but a piece of toast. On his plate there is a scrambled egg, an avocado, two halves of an apple, and toast with jam. :)

10 Months Old!

A lot has happened since our last post. It really is absolutely amazing how quickly little babies grow. I think I say that every post, but I mean it each and every post.

So, here we are at ten months old. Separation anxiety is still in full force, but it has been getting a little better. This past month has been rough with our schedule, since I started to teach summer school, and Kaiden hasn't taken well to the change -- nor have I. His nap schedule was adjusted, and because of such, naptime has been very stressful. Kaiden fights and fights and fights it, even if he is just plain exhausted and should go to sleep. In turn, I get frustrated and upset because I don't get any downtime at all during the day. It's been especially hard because my school schedule for the year isn't going to be much different, so I am worrying about that more than ever.

Anyway, aside from the napping, sleepytime has also been a struggle because Kaiden is teething, and because of the separation anxiety. He wakes up a few times a night, and, if we are lucky, maybe only once, which is fine...but it doesn't happen often. Combine the lack of sleep, the lack of downtime and the lack of "me time"...well. Yeah.

But, enough with the negative and how exhausted I am. Here are the new things Kaiden is doing!

- He cut his first two teeth (FINALLY) the second week of July.
- He can pull up to stand
- He can get to the standing position without using anything to help him
- He cruises using the furniture to help him
- He tries so hard to walk on his own, but can't figure out how to lift up his feet
- He walks using his push walker and goes EVERYWHERE
- He crawls EVERYWHERE...and fast!
- He likes to eat solid foods and shoves them all in his mouth at once (we are working on this)
- He is tired of purees.
- He dances while standing up
- He can pull up in his PNP and crib
- He gives hugs when you ask (and when he feels like it)
- He snuggles blankets and stuffed animals, like his Bunbun and blankey
- He is a complete mama's boy
- He loves watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
- He throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way
- He sometimes waves goodbye and says "bye bye" but only when he wants to

Foods He Eats

-toast
-avocado
-banana
-apples
-mangoes
-peaches
-carrots
-celery
-greenbeans
-hummus
-raspberry jam
-cottage cheese
-mum-mums
-yogurt
-frozen yogurt
-apple sauce
-scrambled eggs

9 Months!

Wow! 9 months already? Where has the time gone? I'm seriously in awe at how much Kaiden has grown, and how he continues to grow. It is amazing. Simply amazing.

So, what has my Bug been up to?

Separation anxiety is in full force. Kaiden wants to be attached to me day in and day out. He doesn't want daddy, or his caretaker, or anyone if I am in the same room as him. He will cry if I turn away from him, or if I go into a different room, or even when I am holding him, sometimes that's not enough. I love the snuggles and the hugs and the kisses that he shows in obvious affection now (and not only to me -- he kisses all babies, because for some reason, that's what he thinks you are supposed to do), but sometimes the separation anxiety wears me out, and I get frustrated and annoyed.

Thankfully, I communicate with my husband about this, and I get breaks to myself, which include going out shopping, or playing a computer game, or just taking an extra long shower. Also, since I am on summer break now, I've been taking Kaiden out to activities, such as going to the public library for Play Partner and Song Times so he can interact with other babies. We go to the park, or I just take him to the store so he can be out and about. We've gone to the Gymboree Gym and My Gym to check them out, and I just enrolled Kaiden in swim lessons for the summer as well. Keeping both he and I busy has been key to keeping sane when he wants me and only me 24/7.

I love watching him interact with other babies, both younger, the same age and older than he is. He is the only baby at his daycare, so he doesn't get to be around them too much. I've been making an effort to keep him socialized, since he loves to be around other babies, and he learns so quickly from them.

For instance, Kaiden seems to be skipping crawling all together and wants to walk. He can stand on his own and has great balance, but he hasn't figured out how to move his feet yet. Just tonight, for the first time, he held my hands as we walked around the living room. He wants to walk because he has been around other babies that walk, and he desperately and frustratingly wants to keep up with them. Sometimes, it is cute to watch, but sometimes it is heartbreaking because he gets so sad that he isn't as mobile as they are.

We are still breastfeeding! Kaiden also gets solid foods, not just purees. This is the list of foods he has eaten/self fed:

Toast
Rice Pop Cakes
Raspberry Spread
Cottage Cheese
Hummus
Apple Sauce
Mashed Potatoes
Baked Potatoes
Avacado
Bananas
Egg
Frozen yogurt
Watermelon

I am getting better with offering him more foods, like the baked potato at night. He wants to eat whatever we have, and he's getting much better at chewing, despite the fact that he doesn't have any teeth yet. I feel like he's been teething forever, since it's been five months now.

So here is a list of things that he does now:

- stands on his own
- says "mama" "dada" "baba" and "nono"
- says "mama" and "nono" with intent
- can pivot 360 degrees on his tummy
- pushes himself backward on his tummy
- self feeds with pincer grasp
- can get on all fours from sitting position
- holds onto objects and stands
- gives kisses when you ask for them
- sometimes high fives (but usually kisses your hand instead)
- gets to a sitting position on his own (as of today 6/40)

I will add more to this list later. I am too tired to think of anything else. Haha!

Here's a picture from his first haircut today. Don't be fooled by the smile; he cried the whole time!