30 Weeks: Survivor's Guilt...but not really.

So, there's this phenomenon that happens with women who have gone through the infertility battle, and I like to compare it to survivor's guilt, because it's the only thing I can think of that resembles it.

After we fight and win our battle, we become content, and then we become...guilty. Guilty that we have our babies while other women are continuing to struggle through their journey. I've read other women's stories about how they'd feel so bad, they'd cover up their pregnancies. I'm no where near that, but there are times when I just...feel bad about it.

I try to keep myself humble by reading back through my blog. There are nights when I read through a whole cycle in tears because of how I felt then, and how horrible it was. But, it also reminds me that the pain was only temporary, and eventually, it was worth it.

 I only wish I could impress that upon women who are still in their battle, without feeling like a jackass for saying it now that I am pregnant myself.

I am thirty weeks today. I made it to the thirties. I am excited, anxious and afraid all at once. I want to meet my baby, who has been such a blessing to me, and I can't imagine not having him inside of me in just a couple of months. I also can't imagine him in my arms either. It's so surreal. I want him here! Here's hoping the next ten weeks fly by quickly...but not too quickly.

The baby has been doing well. He's been hiccuping a lot lately, which is cute. He definitely has a mind of his own, as well, and he lets me know it. My OB appointments are now at every two weeks. I have to do a three hour glucose test because I failed my one hour screening, but I'm not too worried about that. For the most part, I've been eating really well.

I had my hospital visit tomorrow, and that really psyched me up. I stood in the labor and delivery room and couldn't believe that in a short while, I would be in that bed, bringing my son into the world.

I won't get another ultrasound until 36 weeks, which is a bit maddening, because I want to see him so badly! I'm thankful and I am blessed that I've had no complications, and I pray that it continues to go that way.