It's been a month. I didn't update. Why?
Well, because it didn't work. At the end of the weekend, I was in tears, I was angry, and Kaiden was just as frustrated. So, I let it go. I stopped it all. I just didn't have the energy or desire to keep putting him on the potty every twenty minutes, especially when he wasn't even going. It wasn't doing either of us any good. I emailed his preschool and told them I wasn't sure how strict they were about it, but it didn't seem to be working out. They emailed me back and told me to let it go, because it would be doing more harm than good, and they would work with him when he started school. So, that was it. We were done.
Fast forward to last weekend. We were coming home from the beach and stopped at the Delaware rest stop. They have family bathrooms there that have little potties for little kids. While I was on my big potty, Kaiden INSISTED that he wanted his diaper off so he could sit on the little potty. I put him on the potty, and although he didn't go, he did sit -- and that was a huge deal. We gave him a special treat from the store and went on our way home.
When we got home, I decided to take him with me into the bathroom whenever I had to go. I used to do this before, but he'd throw a fit and act like I was taking him into the bathroom to be murdered or something. This time, he went with me without fussing, and sat down and actually peed. But, what was more important, is that he realized that he was in control of his bladder. You could see it in his face that he understood when it would release. Every time I took him after that, he'd pee when I peed.
But, what really shocked me was when he stopped playing with my phone to tell me that he wanted to sit on his potty, and he went potty and got up and went back to playing. Then, I knew.
All those people who told me that he'd do it when he was ready...were right.
The next day was a daycare day, and he wouldn't go at daycare, but I think it is because she doesn't use potty chairs, but the seats that go on the big potty, and Kaiden doesn't like those. I put him in underpants when he got home from daycare, and aside from a poopy accident, he stayed dry for the rest of the night. This continued into Tuesday, where he stayed dry the whole day (aside from a poopy accident) in his underpants. Then came another daycare day. His provider went out and bought the same kind of potty we use at our house, and sure enough, Kaiden went the whole day on the potty and stayed dry again.
Today, I brought him to the mall for family fun day. We stayed for a few hours in his underpants, and he used his travel potty twice in the mall -- and stayed dry. <3
It is looking good, and I am hoping it keeps going well. We were using cars to motivate him, along with stickers and cookies, but today I changed the cars to coins because he was becoming a little too obsessed with them...and he has a lot of cars now. Haha.
So, I guess it is right in that they do it when they are ready. :)
Showing posts with label high needs toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label high needs toddler. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2016
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
Potty Training is the Devil (Especially with a High Needs Toddler)
To preface this, before I get all the comments all saying the same thing: I know that boys take longer to train. I also know that it's not good to rush it, and I also know they tend to do better when they do it on their own time. BUT, we spent hundreds of dollars to enroll him into a Montessori school for the fall, and they prefer he be potty trained (most require it), and I am afraid that he won't be potty trained AT ALL and they will turn him away. So, for the three day weekend, I decided to give it a try.
The plan: Sit on the potty for 10 minutes, off the potty for 20 minutes, all day long.
Day 1: This was a trying day, especially because I was on my own most of the day while my husband dealt with our rental property. I didn't expect the first day to be easy, but I also didn't expect it to be super exhausting either.
Now, Kaiden KNOWS he should pee and poop on the potty. This isn't our first time trying to potty train him. In fact, we started around 18 months when he was taking a lot of interest in it, and he did REALLY well...until he caught a stomach bug, which erased all his progress. Ever since then, he's becoming increasingly more stubborn about it. Because of that, we backed off for awhile, because it just wasn't getting anywhere. But, then he started to complain about his diapers and how he wanted to wear underpants, and he'd throw fits every diaper change, and really kiddo -- if you don't want to wear them, and you know where to go potty, THEN GO.
Through the day, K would throw fits when I put him on the potty. I moved the potty chair out of the living room and into the bathroom so he would be "bored" in there and hopefully just go in the potty to get out. Kaiden, though, is stubborn as hell, and he just holds his pee and poop to spite us. As soon as I put underpants on him, he'd pee. So, I stopped putting underpants on him and just had him run around naked.
The day ended on an almost positive. He had five accidents and four potties in the potty. While the day seemed much worse than it was, I realized that he did pretty darn well for his first potty day.
Day 2: Man, I thought this day would be better, but it was more frustrating than the first day. I realized on day one that Kaiden stopped drinking his water. My husband said that there is no way that he knows that drinking a lot makes him pee, but I think we underestimate K a lot sometimes. Day two, he hardly drank at all. He knew. He would also only let a few drops of pee out at a time, just to barely relieve himself, and then hold the rest of it.
By dinner time, he hadn't had any accidents, but he also didn't really go to the bathroom (except for peeing his pull ups during naptime, which I'm not counting right now). Our solution? Before dinner, I sat him on the potty and tickled him! Kaiden thought this was hilarious, and it also made him pee a little more. Small victory!
At dinner time, though, he was sitting in his booster seat and was shaking with effort to hold in a poop. It was pathetic. We stopped dinner and put him back on his potty, and surely enough, he pooped! He was so excited about it that he stood up before he was finished and it dropped on the floor. That's okay, though! We'll take it!
Kaiden had asked at the beginning of the day, just after he woke up in the morning, if he could have ice cream for going to the potty. I told him that if he has no accidents all day long, I'd take him for ice cream. Well, we made it until the last hour of the day, and I put his underpants on...and he immediately peed in them. I really wanted ice cream too! Haha. But, after the day ended, we only had one accident, and that is better than before!
Day 3: We are still in the middle of day three, but it's going over much better than days one and two. He hasn't thrown fits when it is time to sit on the potty, and I even went to the store with him (he wore underpants with a pull up on top) and he stayed dry for our whole trip. Because he stayed dry, I let him continue to wear his underpants and pull up at home, and he is STILL dry, which is quite the feat!
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow, hopefully.
Oh! For motivation, we give him a matchbox car, a sticker for his potty poster, and a cookie -- and when he poops, he gets double that. It's not ideal getting so many cookies in a day, but he is very food motivated, and I want to keep his enthusiasm up!
The plan: Sit on the potty for 10 minutes, off the potty for 20 minutes, all day long.
Day 1: This was a trying day, especially because I was on my own most of the day while my husband dealt with our rental property. I didn't expect the first day to be easy, but I also didn't expect it to be super exhausting either.
Now, Kaiden KNOWS he should pee and poop on the potty. This isn't our first time trying to potty train him. In fact, we started around 18 months when he was taking a lot of interest in it, and he did REALLY well...until he caught a stomach bug, which erased all his progress. Ever since then, he's becoming increasingly more stubborn about it. Because of that, we backed off for awhile, because it just wasn't getting anywhere. But, then he started to complain about his diapers and how he wanted to wear underpants, and he'd throw fits every diaper change, and really kiddo -- if you don't want to wear them, and you know where to go potty, THEN GO.
Through the day, K would throw fits when I put him on the potty. I moved the potty chair out of the living room and into the bathroom so he would be "bored" in there and hopefully just go in the potty to get out. Kaiden, though, is stubborn as hell, and he just holds his pee and poop to spite us. As soon as I put underpants on him, he'd pee. So, I stopped putting underpants on him and just had him run around naked.
The day ended on an almost positive. He had five accidents and four potties in the potty. While the day seemed much worse than it was, I realized that he did pretty darn well for his first potty day.
Day 2: Man, I thought this day would be better, but it was more frustrating than the first day. I realized on day one that Kaiden stopped drinking his water. My husband said that there is no way that he knows that drinking a lot makes him pee, but I think we underestimate K a lot sometimes. Day two, he hardly drank at all. He knew. He would also only let a few drops of pee out at a time, just to barely relieve himself, and then hold the rest of it.
By dinner time, he hadn't had any accidents, but he also didn't really go to the bathroom (except for peeing his pull ups during naptime, which I'm not counting right now). Our solution? Before dinner, I sat him on the potty and tickled him! Kaiden thought this was hilarious, and it also made him pee a little more. Small victory!
At dinner time, though, he was sitting in his booster seat and was shaking with effort to hold in a poop. It was pathetic. We stopped dinner and put him back on his potty, and surely enough, he pooped! He was so excited about it that he stood up before he was finished and it dropped on the floor. That's okay, though! We'll take it!
Kaiden had asked at the beginning of the day, just after he woke up in the morning, if he could have ice cream for going to the potty. I told him that if he has no accidents all day long, I'd take him for ice cream. Well, we made it until the last hour of the day, and I put his underpants on...and he immediately peed in them. I really wanted ice cream too! Haha. But, after the day ended, we only had one accident, and that is better than before!
Day 3: We are still in the middle of day three, but it's going over much better than days one and two. He hasn't thrown fits when it is time to sit on the potty, and I even went to the store with him (he wore underpants with a pull up on top) and he stayed dry for our whole trip. Because he stayed dry, I let him continue to wear his underpants and pull up at home, and he is STILL dry, which is quite the feat!
I will let you know how it goes tomorrow, hopefully.
Oh! For motivation, we give him a matchbox car, a sticker for his potty poster, and a cookie -- and when he poops, he gets double that. It's not ideal getting so many cookies in a day, but he is very food motivated, and I want to keep his enthusiasm up!
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Managing Depression and Parenting the High Needs Toddler
The last week or so has been a lesson in patience. It is not easy being pregnant and managing a toddler. It's especially not easy when your toddler is a high needs toddler, and you feel like you can't breathe.
When I realized Kaiden was high needs, he was younger, maybe around five or six months. He had a very hard time doing anything if we weren't directly watching him. He'd complain until we'd pay our complete and undivided attention to him.
I often would vent to one of my mommy groups/due date groups, who all had children born in the same month as Kaiden. I'd tell them how depressed I'd get that I couldn't catch a break, and I felt like every day I was suffocating under the weight of having to give all of my time and energy over to my son, who, in turn, would want more, more, more.
I know they didn't mean it, but often times, my mommy group would make me feel guilty. They'd tell me, "Well, if he is acting out for more attention, then you should give him more attention," implying that I wasn't giving him enough attention when it was the exact opposite -- I was giving him ALL the attention I possibly had, so much so that I stopped paying attention to myself.
I suffer from major depression disorder. It's been a constant struggle for me to stay on top of it. Since becoming a mom, my worst days are the days when I am consumed by Kaiden. These are the days when I hide in the bathroom, close the door and cry because I NEED a moment alone -- a moment when he is not whining at me, or acting out to get my attention. Sometimes, it takes all I have in me to make it to bedtime, and after getting him down into bed, I can do nothing more but to lay in my own bed and sob.
One of the mommy groups I recently joined is for mommies of high needs babies and toddlers. In the group description, it says that we all must be mindful that many of us are exhausted and depressed due to the nature of our children, and to be gentle with each other. I look back at that description often and try to remind myself of that for ME. "Be gentle with yourself." It's easier said than done, though.
This week has been a trying week. Kaiden is 2.5 years old, and the terrible twos are so much more amplified when you have a high needs toddler. I read an article that highlighted that you should not compare your high needs child to other children. This only leads to frustration and depression, and it's not fair to your child, since every child is different. But let me tell you how hard it is, when your child can't manage to play on his own for more than a minute at a time, and his peers will sit and play with their legos or playdoh or crayons for 15-30 minutes and be CONTENT. Contentedness does not exist in this house.
Kaiden is like a bumble bee. He flits from one flower to the next, never staying at one long enough to appreciate it. I buy Kaiden new toys in hopes that one of them will capture his attention long enough to let me look away, but they never do. The only thing that does help is the television, and even that is losing appeal for him.
So, how do I manage this? Well, writing helps out a lot. Just getting my thoughts and my struggle out there gives me some hope that someone else will see this and commiserate and realize that they are not alone.
The weather is nice again, so I have been trying to get us out of the house. This is hard because I am often tired and achey and walking with the stroller is exhausting. I can't let him walk out of the stroller because he is flighty and tends to dart off, and it is stressful running after him. But, a walk wears him down, it give us some peace of mind, and I feel better after exercising. I have also been walking hand-in-hand with him around our neighborhood, which is nice for us too.
I try to get us out of the house to go to stores or the mall to walk too. Anything to give him a change of scenery is helpful, as long as he isn't too tired and cranky. The mall is nice because they have the closed in play areas which are more optimal for us than playgrounds, since Kaiden doesn't pay attention when he is playing and would be the one to fall eight feet off the playground equipment. We don't even take him to playgrounds often because we literally have to chase him everywhere to make sure he isn't going to kill himself.
I also need to be better at asking for help. Kaiden already goes to daycare three times a week, which is very helpful, but I still don't really get time to myself, since I work on those days. So, maybe learning to find something to do for myself that is rewarding and relaxing would be nice. I should get back to running, but I have to modify that now that I am pregnant. Maybe I can walk on my own instead...or go get a massage. :)
Anyway, a high needs toddler is a very real thing. If you want more information about "high needs" Dr. Sears (whom I don't always agree with) has a great article you can read here.
When I realized Kaiden was high needs, he was younger, maybe around five or six months. He had a very hard time doing anything if we weren't directly watching him. He'd complain until we'd pay our complete and undivided attention to him.
I often would vent to one of my mommy groups/due date groups, who all had children born in the same month as Kaiden. I'd tell them how depressed I'd get that I couldn't catch a break, and I felt like every day I was suffocating under the weight of having to give all of my time and energy over to my son, who, in turn, would want more, more, more.
I know they didn't mean it, but often times, my mommy group would make me feel guilty. They'd tell me, "Well, if he is acting out for more attention, then you should give him more attention," implying that I wasn't giving him enough attention when it was the exact opposite -- I was giving him ALL the attention I possibly had, so much so that I stopped paying attention to myself.
I suffer from major depression disorder. It's been a constant struggle for me to stay on top of it. Since becoming a mom, my worst days are the days when I am consumed by Kaiden. These are the days when I hide in the bathroom, close the door and cry because I NEED a moment alone -- a moment when he is not whining at me, or acting out to get my attention. Sometimes, it takes all I have in me to make it to bedtime, and after getting him down into bed, I can do nothing more but to lay in my own bed and sob.
One of the mommy groups I recently joined is for mommies of high needs babies and toddlers. In the group description, it says that we all must be mindful that many of us are exhausted and depressed due to the nature of our children, and to be gentle with each other. I look back at that description often and try to remind myself of that for ME. "Be gentle with yourself." It's easier said than done, though.
This week has been a trying week. Kaiden is 2.5 years old, and the terrible twos are so much more amplified when you have a high needs toddler. I read an article that highlighted that you should not compare your high needs child to other children. This only leads to frustration and depression, and it's not fair to your child, since every child is different. But let me tell you how hard it is, when your child can't manage to play on his own for more than a minute at a time, and his peers will sit and play with their legos or playdoh or crayons for 15-30 minutes and be CONTENT. Contentedness does not exist in this house.
Kaiden is like a bumble bee. He flits from one flower to the next, never staying at one long enough to appreciate it. I buy Kaiden new toys in hopes that one of them will capture his attention long enough to let me look away, but they never do. The only thing that does help is the television, and even that is losing appeal for him.
So, how do I manage this? Well, writing helps out a lot. Just getting my thoughts and my struggle out there gives me some hope that someone else will see this and commiserate and realize that they are not alone.
The weather is nice again, so I have been trying to get us out of the house. This is hard because I am often tired and achey and walking with the stroller is exhausting. I can't let him walk out of the stroller because he is flighty and tends to dart off, and it is stressful running after him. But, a walk wears him down, it give us some peace of mind, and I feel better after exercising. I have also been walking hand-in-hand with him around our neighborhood, which is nice for us too.
I try to get us out of the house to go to stores or the mall to walk too. Anything to give him a change of scenery is helpful, as long as he isn't too tired and cranky. The mall is nice because they have the closed in play areas which are more optimal for us than playgrounds, since Kaiden doesn't pay attention when he is playing and would be the one to fall eight feet off the playground equipment. We don't even take him to playgrounds often because we literally have to chase him everywhere to make sure he isn't going to kill himself.
I also need to be better at asking for help. Kaiden already goes to daycare three times a week, which is very helpful, but I still don't really get time to myself, since I work on those days. So, maybe learning to find something to do for myself that is rewarding and relaxing would be nice. I should get back to running, but I have to modify that now that I am pregnant. Maybe I can walk on my own instead...or go get a massage. :)
Anyway, a high needs toddler is a very real thing. If you want more information about "high needs" Dr. Sears (whom I don't always agree with) has a great article you can read here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)