Dear Kaiden,
Tomorrow is your first day of preschool, and I am filled with excitement and dread and wonder all mixed together in one big ball that is sitting at the bottom of my stomach.
See, Daddy and I knew from a long time ago that you were too smart for your own good. We also knew, especially given my background as a teacher, that you weren't going to thrive in a traditional classroom environment. That is simply not how you learn. You have grown so much in daycare, but to continue in daycare would be a disservice to you at this point. There's so much more out there for you to soak up, and we want to expose you to as much of it as we possibly can. That is why we decided to send you to a Montessori school, where you can flourish at your own pace, learn what you want to learn, and not be bound to a desk all day long.
This is a big change from a home daycare, though. For the past three years, you have been loved by women who stepped up in my place to keep you safe and grow you while I worked. Two of those years have been with Miss Ashley, who took you under her wing as if you were her own son. She has kissed your bumps and bruises, wiped away your tears, laughed and cried along with you -- she has done exactly what I would have done if I could have spent my whole days with you. Even when I stopped worked as a classroom teacher, she still continued to watch over you three days a week so you could play with your friends and learn from her.
Needless to say, I am nervous about letting you go tomorrow. I know you will probably handle it like a champ, and you won't look back once you see all those new friends to play with -- but it is still scary. It is scary to think that I am taking you away from where you were comfortable, from Miss Ashley and your friends, from the routine you knew, the bedroom your napped in, the table you sat at to eat your snacks and lunches, and I am putting you somewhere completely different, with different rules, different routines and different people.
Oh, but Kaiden, I know you will love it. Miss Edvina was already impressed with you when we took you for your trial morning. She couldn't believe that months ago, you already knew your letters, numbers, colors and shapes. She didn't believe me when I told her that you've known all those for over a year at that point, and then she assured me that you would do very well as a Montessori student. She also assured me that your fiery, curious and outspoken nature wouldn't be an issue. Daddy thinks that the school is in for a big surprise when you get there, but I think you are going to do well with your new boundaries and rules.
What is hardest about all of this is that it means you are growing up, and that your growing up is truly out of my hands. I packed your lunchbox, wrote your name on the inside of your backpack, got all of your things ready for tomorrow, and stood there in the kitchen and told Daddy, "I am one of those moms now, aren't I? I have to make him lunch now, and check his backpack."
I am happy to be one of "those moms" now. I was always happy to take on being your Mama. I will always be happy with being your Mama...
...but it is still bittersweet that you are growing up in front of my eyes, and there's nothing I can do to slow it down.
I love you so much, and you will have a perfect, wonderful day tomorrow. I just know it. <3
Love,
Mama
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label toddler. Show all posts
Sunday, July 31, 2016
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Managing Depression and Parenting the High Needs Toddler
The last week or so has been a lesson in patience. It is not easy being pregnant and managing a toddler. It's especially not easy when your toddler is a high needs toddler, and you feel like you can't breathe.
When I realized Kaiden was high needs, he was younger, maybe around five or six months. He had a very hard time doing anything if we weren't directly watching him. He'd complain until we'd pay our complete and undivided attention to him.
I often would vent to one of my mommy groups/due date groups, who all had children born in the same month as Kaiden. I'd tell them how depressed I'd get that I couldn't catch a break, and I felt like every day I was suffocating under the weight of having to give all of my time and energy over to my son, who, in turn, would want more, more, more.
I know they didn't mean it, but often times, my mommy group would make me feel guilty. They'd tell me, "Well, if he is acting out for more attention, then you should give him more attention," implying that I wasn't giving him enough attention when it was the exact opposite -- I was giving him ALL the attention I possibly had, so much so that I stopped paying attention to myself.
I suffer from major depression disorder. It's been a constant struggle for me to stay on top of it. Since becoming a mom, my worst days are the days when I am consumed by Kaiden. These are the days when I hide in the bathroom, close the door and cry because I NEED a moment alone -- a moment when he is not whining at me, or acting out to get my attention. Sometimes, it takes all I have in me to make it to bedtime, and after getting him down into bed, I can do nothing more but to lay in my own bed and sob.
One of the mommy groups I recently joined is for mommies of high needs babies and toddlers. In the group description, it says that we all must be mindful that many of us are exhausted and depressed due to the nature of our children, and to be gentle with each other. I look back at that description often and try to remind myself of that for ME. "Be gentle with yourself." It's easier said than done, though.
This week has been a trying week. Kaiden is 2.5 years old, and the terrible twos are so much more amplified when you have a high needs toddler. I read an article that highlighted that you should not compare your high needs child to other children. This only leads to frustration and depression, and it's not fair to your child, since every child is different. But let me tell you how hard it is, when your child can't manage to play on his own for more than a minute at a time, and his peers will sit and play with their legos or playdoh or crayons for 15-30 minutes and be CONTENT. Contentedness does not exist in this house.
Kaiden is like a bumble bee. He flits from one flower to the next, never staying at one long enough to appreciate it. I buy Kaiden new toys in hopes that one of them will capture his attention long enough to let me look away, but they never do. The only thing that does help is the television, and even that is losing appeal for him.
So, how do I manage this? Well, writing helps out a lot. Just getting my thoughts and my struggle out there gives me some hope that someone else will see this and commiserate and realize that they are not alone.
The weather is nice again, so I have been trying to get us out of the house. This is hard because I am often tired and achey and walking with the stroller is exhausting. I can't let him walk out of the stroller because he is flighty and tends to dart off, and it is stressful running after him. But, a walk wears him down, it give us some peace of mind, and I feel better after exercising. I have also been walking hand-in-hand with him around our neighborhood, which is nice for us too.
I try to get us out of the house to go to stores or the mall to walk too. Anything to give him a change of scenery is helpful, as long as he isn't too tired and cranky. The mall is nice because they have the closed in play areas which are more optimal for us than playgrounds, since Kaiden doesn't pay attention when he is playing and would be the one to fall eight feet off the playground equipment. We don't even take him to playgrounds often because we literally have to chase him everywhere to make sure he isn't going to kill himself.
I also need to be better at asking for help. Kaiden already goes to daycare three times a week, which is very helpful, but I still don't really get time to myself, since I work on those days. So, maybe learning to find something to do for myself that is rewarding and relaxing would be nice. I should get back to running, but I have to modify that now that I am pregnant. Maybe I can walk on my own instead...or go get a massage. :)
Anyway, a high needs toddler is a very real thing. If you want more information about "high needs" Dr. Sears (whom I don't always agree with) has a great article you can read here.
When I realized Kaiden was high needs, he was younger, maybe around five or six months. He had a very hard time doing anything if we weren't directly watching him. He'd complain until we'd pay our complete and undivided attention to him.
I often would vent to one of my mommy groups/due date groups, who all had children born in the same month as Kaiden. I'd tell them how depressed I'd get that I couldn't catch a break, and I felt like every day I was suffocating under the weight of having to give all of my time and energy over to my son, who, in turn, would want more, more, more.
I know they didn't mean it, but often times, my mommy group would make me feel guilty. They'd tell me, "Well, if he is acting out for more attention, then you should give him more attention," implying that I wasn't giving him enough attention when it was the exact opposite -- I was giving him ALL the attention I possibly had, so much so that I stopped paying attention to myself.
I suffer from major depression disorder. It's been a constant struggle for me to stay on top of it. Since becoming a mom, my worst days are the days when I am consumed by Kaiden. These are the days when I hide in the bathroom, close the door and cry because I NEED a moment alone -- a moment when he is not whining at me, or acting out to get my attention. Sometimes, it takes all I have in me to make it to bedtime, and after getting him down into bed, I can do nothing more but to lay in my own bed and sob.
One of the mommy groups I recently joined is for mommies of high needs babies and toddlers. In the group description, it says that we all must be mindful that many of us are exhausted and depressed due to the nature of our children, and to be gentle with each other. I look back at that description often and try to remind myself of that for ME. "Be gentle with yourself." It's easier said than done, though.
This week has been a trying week. Kaiden is 2.5 years old, and the terrible twos are so much more amplified when you have a high needs toddler. I read an article that highlighted that you should not compare your high needs child to other children. This only leads to frustration and depression, and it's not fair to your child, since every child is different. But let me tell you how hard it is, when your child can't manage to play on his own for more than a minute at a time, and his peers will sit and play with their legos or playdoh or crayons for 15-30 minutes and be CONTENT. Contentedness does not exist in this house.
Kaiden is like a bumble bee. He flits from one flower to the next, never staying at one long enough to appreciate it. I buy Kaiden new toys in hopes that one of them will capture his attention long enough to let me look away, but they never do. The only thing that does help is the television, and even that is losing appeal for him.
So, how do I manage this? Well, writing helps out a lot. Just getting my thoughts and my struggle out there gives me some hope that someone else will see this and commiserate and realize that they are not alone.
The weather is nice again, so I have been trying to get us out of the house. This is hard because I am often tired and achey and walking with the stroller is exhausting. I can't let him walk out of the stroller because he is flighty and tends to dart off, and it is stressful running after him. But, a walk wears him down, it give us some peace of mind, and I feel better after exercising. I have also been walking hand-in-hand with him around our neighborhood, which is nice for us too.
I try to get us out of the house to go to stores or the mall to walk too. Anything to give him a change of scenery is helpful, as long as he isn't too tired and cranky. The mall is nice because they have the closed in play areas which are more optimal for us than playgrounds, since Kaiden doesn't pay attention when he is playing and would be the one to fall eight feet off the playground equipment. We don't even take him to playgrounds often because we literally have to chase him everywhere to make sure he isn't going to kill himself.
I also need to be better at asking for help. Kaiden already goes to daycare three times a week, which is very helpful, but I still don't really get time to myself, since I work on those days. So, maybe learning to find something to do for myself that is rewarding and relaxing would be nice. I should get back to running, but I have to modify that now that I am pregnant. Maybe I can walk on my own instead...or go get a massage. :)
Anyway, a high needs toddler is a very real thing. If you want more information about "high needs" Dr. Sears (whom I don't always agree with) has a great article you can read here.
Monday, August 3, 2015
And then there was potty training...kind of.
Kaiden is 22 months old now! I can't believe he's almost two. It is amazing how much he says and does now, I simply can't keep up (which is why I stopped my monthly updates).
The major things are that he knows his alphabet (capital letters) by sight. He learned that at 20 months rather out of the blue. We've just been fostering it since then. He is really keen on letters, just like his Mama. :)
He is putting together two and sometimes three word sentences. It's another language that only I can understand sometimes, but that's because I'm around him the most, so I know his little nuances.
And finally, the potty.
Everyone will say not to push it until they are ready, and they would be right. So, when I mention that Kaiden is using the potty here and there, that's the first reaction that I get. I know he is young, and I know they mean well.
I don't look at it as potty training, though. I am kind of just going along with his curiosity and his cues. He doesn't mind sitting on his potty. We bought it when he was 13 months old, just because he liked to follow us into the bathroom and watch us go to potty. We put the little potty chair in the bathroom so he could sit down and go when we were going. It worked out great, and he loved to flush it and say "Bye bye, potty!"
Between 14 months and 21 months, he pooped on the potty twice, and that was just because I took his diaper off and sat with him. He didn't quite understand what was going on. The first time, he screamed and cried when I wouldn't let him touch the poop and took it away to go in the big potty. The second time, he was in awe that there was poop in the potty, but quickly lost interest.
Over the last week, he was bringing me his changing pad and wipes and telling me, "Diaper." He was expressing that he wanted to be changed -- a great sign!
So, I went along with it and asked him during his "poop times" if he wanted to sit on the potty. He'd happily go to his potty, and after I took off his diaper and sat him down, we'd read some books, and he'd poop and pee on the potty. After much celebration, letting him help flush it down the big potty and awarding him with a cookie (I've decided not to do this anymore, though, and set up sticker and Matchbox car incentives instead), we let him call his grandparents and daddy so he could tell them.
Positive reinforcements go a long way. Now, he is so excited to sit and go on the potty. If he doesn't want to, I don't press him. That's not what matters to me right now. What matters is that he is communicating (he has identified the difference between poop and pee now), such as grabbing his boy parts and saying "pee pee" or, today, he looked at me and said "uh oh" before we gleefully hurried to the potty and he pooped. I want him to continue to communicate and learn what is happening with his body. The rest will follow.
I also bought him some pull-ups, in hopes that he will learn how to pull his pants up and down, because he has NO IDEA how to do that right now. Haha.
It's a care-free approach, and I am hoping it works out in the end. I don't expect him to be fully trained anytime soon. My goal here is to foster and support his curiosity and learning his body. So far, it's working out.
Now, to get that coveted picture of him sitting on his potty, so I can show it to his girlfriend 15 years from now!
The major things are that he knows his alphabet (capital letters) by sight. He learned that at 20 months rather out of the blue. We've just been fostering it since then. He is really keen on letters, just like his Mama. :)
He is putting together two and sometimes three word sentences. It's another language that only I can understand sometimes, but that's because I'm around him the most, so I know his little nuances.
And finally, the potty.
Everyone will say not to push it until they are ready, and they would be right. So, when I mention that Kaiden is using the potty here and there, that's the first reaction that I get. I know he is young, and I know they mean well.
I don't look at it as potty training, though. I am kind of just going along with his curiosity and his cues. He doesn't mind sitting on his potty. We bought it when he was 13 months old, just because he liked to follow us into the bathroom and watch us go to potty. We put the little potty chair in the bathroom so he could sit down and go when we were going. It worked out great, and he loved to flush it and say "Bye bye, potty!"
Between 14 months and 21 months, he pooped on the potty twice, and that was just because I took his diaper off and sat with him. He didn't quite understand what was going on. The first time, he screamed and cried when I wouldn't let him touch the poop and took it away to go in the big potty. The second time, he was in awe that there was poop in the potty, but quickly lost interest.
Over the last week, he was bringing me his changing pad and wipes and telling me, "Diaper." He was expressing that he wanted to be changed -- a great sign!
So, I went along with it and asked him during his "poop times" if he wanted to sit on the potty. He'd happily go to his potty, and after I took off his diaper and sat him down, we'd read some books, and he'd poop and pee on the potty. After much celebration, letting him help flush it down the big potty and awarding him with a cookie (I've decided not to do this anymore, though, and set up sticker and Matchbox car incentives instead), we let him call his grandparents and daddy so he could tell them.
Positive reinforcements go a long way. Now, he is so excited to sit and go on the potty. If he doesn't want to, I don't press him. That's not what matters to me right now. What matters is that he is communicating (he has identified the difference between poop and pee now), such as grabbing his boy parts and saying "pee pee" or, today, he looked at me and said "uh oh" before we gleefully hurried to the potty and he pooped. I want him to continue to communicate and learn what is happening with his body. The rest will follow.
I also bought him some pull-ups, in hopes that he will learn how to pull his pants up and down, because he has NO IDEA how to do that right now. Haha.
It's a care-free approach, and I am hoping it works out in the end. I don't expect him to be fully trained anytime soon. My goal here is to foster and support his curiosity and learning his body. So far, it's working out.
Now, to get that coveted picture of him sitting on his potty, so I can show it to his girlfriend 15 years from now!
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
18 Months: My Strong-Willed Child
Kaiden is halfway between one and two, and it's so hard to believe! Well, I mean, it's so hard to believe all that time has passed, but not hard to believe he is nearing those terrible twos. I'm certain he is already in them.
My baby is very strong-willed, and sometimes that can be super frustrating. My husband and I keep each other in check when we are getting run down by all day temper-tantrum-a-thons. I try to remind him that we can't project our adult conceptions on Kaiden, and that he doesn't know any better half the time. Our mantra is: He has so many feelings, and he doesn't know what to do with them.
I've been hoarding advice from every mommy I know, and trying out everything and anything to see what works. I don't expect him to "cure" him, but I do want to learn how to help him best.
His language is coming along. They say there are "bursts" of language between now and two years old, and I was skeptical of how quickly some parents said this happened until Kaiden went through a "burst" himself. He's a chatterbox, and even if he only knows a handful of words, he is getting better at learning new ones and repeating them back to us. He's excited to parrot us, when before he could care less.
We went to Disneyworld for Spring Break, and Kaiden got to meet his idol, the mouse himself. He ran right up to him with open arms and gave him a big hug. It was the sweetest thing ever, and my heart almost burst with love. We had a great time as a family, my husband, MIL, Kaiden and I.
The biggest thing to happen between last month and this month is that I quit my teaching job and switched to a part time teaching position instead. I wanted to be home with Kaiden more, and the stress from work was affecting my health. From the abnormal bleeding to the pneumonia and the stress...I had to consider what would be best for me and my family. Luckily, my supportive husband was on board, and now I stay home with Kaiden for most of the week. When I work, he goes to daycare a few times a week too, which means he keeps his routine and his play friends.
So, good things are happening, and I hope they continue that way. I'll have to come back and post his stats!
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