30 Weeks: Survivor's Guilt...but not really.

So, there's this phenomenon that happens with women who have gone through the infertility battle, and I like to compare it to survivor's guilt, because it's the only thing I can think of that resembles it.

After we fight and win our battle, we become content, and then we become...guilty. Guilty that we have our babies while other women are continuing to struggle through their journey. I've read other women's stories about how they'd feel so bad, they'd cover up their pregnancies. I'm no where near that, but there are times when I just...feel bad about it.

I try to keep myself humble by reading back through my blog. There are nights when I read through a whole cycle in tears because of how I felt then, and how horrible it was. But, it also reminds me that the pain was only temporary, and eventually, it was worth it.

 I only wish I could impress that upon women who are still in their battle, without feeling like a jackass for saying it now that I am pregnant myself.

I am thirty weeks today. I made it to the thirties. I am excited, anxious and afraid all at once. I want to meet my baby, who has been such a blessing to me, and I can't imagine not having him inside of me in just a couple of months. I also can't imagine him in my arms either. It's so surreal. I want him here! Here's hoping the next ten weeks fly by quickly...but not too quickly.

The baby has been doing well. He's been hiccuping a lot lately, which is cute. He definitely has a mind of his own, as well, and he lets me know it. My OB appointments are now at every two weeks. I have to do a three hour glucose test because I failed my one hour screening, but I'm not too worried about that. For the most part, I've been eating really well.

I had my hospital visit tomorrow, and that really psyched me up. I stood in the labor and delivery room and couldn't believe that in a short while, I would be in that bed, bringing my son into the world.

I won't get another ultrasound until 36 weeks, which is a bit maddening, because I want to see him so badly! I'm thankful and I am blessed that I've had no complications, and I pray that it continues to go that way.

29 Weeks: Know Thy Limits

Twenty-nine weeks today, and it's been an interesting last week filled with lots of pregnancy experiences. I named my post what I did because I am learning very quickly that I need to respect my body telling me that I'm pushing it too hard.

I decided to take on summer school to pick up some extra money before the baby gets here. This involves me being on my feet a lot, and dealing with cranky 10th graders who don't want to be there. I actually enjoy it, but my body doesn't.

I usually drink a lot of water, but now that I am teaching, I haven't been, mostly because it's a pain to get someone to watch my class, so I can run to the restroom. I have to send a student down to the office to get someone to come all the way back to my room just so I can run around the corner to the restroom. So, I stopped drinking as much water, because I don't want to be a bother to others multiple times in five hours. And, drinking less is not good for me or baby.

The results of this are as follows:

- I am much more tired. I am exhausted by the time I get home, around two in the afternoon, and I nap for a couple of hours, so I can function for the rest of the day. I have also been going to bed earlier, because I just can't stay up very late anymore.

- Contractions. They suck. They especially suck when they become something different than the ones that I am used to. On Friday, I had contractions that started in my back and then wrapped around my stomach -- exactly the kind that my OB told me to call if I had. Well, I hate calling doctors. Hate it. Also, she told me that whenever I have contractions that don't seem to go away, to drink lots of water and lay on my left side. So, I dragged myself up the stairs, chugged some water, laid on my left side, and took a two hour nap. When I woke up, they were gone, thankfully. But still...scary. I will have to bring it up at my appointment tomorrow, but I know she's going to tell me to keep drinking my water. Ugh. And I will...when I have a bathroom that's easily accessible to me. :P

Peeing constantly has been my thing. My baby is still nestled down low, so he loves to kick away at my bladder. I still think his whole goal in life is to make me pee myself, which I haven't done...yet. I'm sure it's coming. One day, it will happen. His feet have also been finding their way under my hips, which is a bit of a pain. I use my prenatal yoga moves to help get him to scoot out of there, and that works, mostly.

Yoga has been the best. I am glad I chose to take the classes. I love them because they are not only relaxing and helpful, but because I'm with other women who are around the same amount of pregnant that I am. So, we can talk about things like sneezing and peeing ourselves (which...I don't do either), and not feel like we are messed up because of it.

My mood has still been great, so that's wonderful. I visited with the baby's pediatrician this past week too, and he's awesome. He doesn't seem thrilled with the idea of my wanting to breastfeed while on my medicine, but we are going to discuss it again later. I've had to rethink my breastfeeding plans, though, and I've thought of another option, if there has to be one. I am not against formula at all, and I rather my baby be healthy in whatever way it has to be.

Hrm, what else? I have another OB/Midwife appointment tomorrow, and I have to do another one hour gestational diabetes test. I had one at the very beginning of my pregnancy, just because I'm overweight, but now is the "normal" one that all women have. I think I'll be fine! I also have to pick up my prescription for a breast pump, and ask about when my next ultrasound will be. I miss seeing my baby. I want to see him again!

And, because I am horrible at keeping up with bump pictures, here is my 29 week one (well, 28w6d):

27 Weeks: Third Trimester!

Crazzzzzy! I'm in my third trimester now! I have less than one hundred days before my baby arrives. I am so blessed. So very, very blessed. <3

4th of July

Last year, I went to watch fireworks with my good friend, Jen. I had to bring my lupron shot with me and administer it in the hot, gross, sticky bathroom. I remember standing in the stall, staring at my stomach and wondering why I am putting myself through that torture.

This year, not only did I get to go back to the same place with Jen, but I got to spend the holiday with my husband, who hasn't had an Independence Day off for many years (since he was an EMT/Firefighter and Fire Marshal). Oh, and I got to feel my son wiggling about inside of me, just as annoyed at my moving all around to find a comfortable place to sit than I was.

I thought back to that moment in the bathroom stall, and I knew then why it was I put myself through the torture of IVF. Because, if I had given up, I wouldn't have this squirmy baby that I have now.

Every day that passes is a day closer to meeting him. I am nervous, and sometimes it hits me just how much my life is about to change, and I get scared. But, when I put my hand on my stomach and feel my sassy son kicking in defiance, I smile and know it will be okay.

Prenatal Yoga

I signed up for prenatal yoga classes through my hospital. Yesterday was the first class, and I am so glad that I signed up for it. The last yoga class that I went to was at the Y a couple of years ago. There was a pregnant woman in the class, and it made me feel so hollow and sad being there with her. I went to one of the classes and didn't return.

I used to do yoga before then through a gym I belonged to. I loved that class, since it was a mix of yoga, tai-chi and pilates. I went every week, and it helped keep my mood stable. I love holistic methods of keeping my mood, mind and body balanced, and so, when I finally found a prenatal class that was close by, not expensive, and not held in the middle of the damned day, I signed up.

There are only five other women in the class and the instructor, who is awesome. She's a doula, a child-birth instructor, an assistant midwife and a lactation consultant. She has this aura about her that is so comforting and grounded. The other women in the class are either a week before or a week behind me, so we are all pretty much on the same page, except for the one who is at 20 weeks. They are all different levels, shapes and sizes, so I don't feel intimated by any "yogis" which...if you've ever been around them...they can be pretty intimidating.

The class is focused on opening up our joints to prepare for birth, as well as to learn breathing techniques and positions that are ideal for birth as well.

I didn't realize how much my center of gravity changed either. It was funny, because we all did better balancing on our right sides rather than our left. The instructor said that it will probably change every week as our babies move around, and we get bigger. I was the crappiest tree in my tree pose that required me to balance on my left leg, but I nailed it when we shifted to my right leg.

I get five more weeks of this class, which will take me to the middle of my third trimester. I can't believe that time is flying by so quickly.

I am doing horribly at taking weekly pictures, but here's one from last week (24w5d). I forget if I posted it or not.