Thursday, January 30, 2014

17 Weeks: Sleep Regression Has Ended!

And it couldn't have come a moment sooner. I'm still very tired from it all. I've been taking naps that last three to four hours on the weekends because my lovely husband lets me. I fall asleep while I feed the baby his night time bottle. I fall asleep with the baby before my husband comes home from work. I feel like I did this time last year, if you look back on my posts then. I was newly pregnant and tired all the damned time.

Kaiden is back to his normal self, for the most part. He is still waking up once at night around 2 to eat, and I am hoping he goes back to dropping this feeding at some point. And there are some mornings he insisted on eating at 5, 6 and 7, but they are getting to be less and less.

He has been trying to roll from his back to his tummy and almost has it. I've taught him how to scream, because I'm a masochist. He isn't being so angry anymore when we put him on his tummy for tummy time. Actually, sometimes, if we are holding him, he tries to lean to the side until we put him on his tummy across our lap, where he is content to play for a little while.

He has mastered the art of blowing raspberries. Constantly. He's learning to communicate better by looking at things he wants with his eyes or leaning toward people or things he wants. He loves to stand pretty much all the time, and we've started to put him in his high chair to sit "like a big boy." He'll be an early mover, that's for sure, be it crawling or walking. I think he'll learn to walk before he crawls, since that is what I did, and because Kaiden's always preferred to stand since he was like six weeks old.

I've been learning to speak up for myself and for him, but it's not been easy, and I still have to work on it. I have to remind myself that I am the only voice he has right now, and even if it sometimes makes things uncomfortable, I have to speak up because I'm the mommy, and he's my boy.

Also, I am going to be writing a breastfeeding post sometime soon, when I can. I feel like another update about this is needed, and I want to make it clear to other women that it will be hard, but it is not impossible.

Here's a picture of Kaiden in his high chair for the first time.

Sunday, January 26, 2014

16 Weeks: The Sleep Regression Continues

You know? The four month growth spurt/sleep regression has been the worst. The WORST. We are now going on week four of Kaiden getting up at least three times a night...sometimes upwards of six, and it's just been exhausting as hell. It's especially bad when he wants to nurse for an hour every hour.

Last night, he only woke up twice, so hopefully this means he is coming out of the regression. I am certainly over it, that's for SURE.

This week, Kaiden has been trying to eat his foot. He's been experimenting with his voice and making new sounds. He's also discovered how to blow raspberries and spit bubbles on Thursday, so his shirt has been soaked through with spit and drool. That's also been what he's doing...drooling. A lot. I think he's started to teethe, even if there aren't any teeth visible. He likes to chew on his fingers, as well as my own fingers and anything else he can get into his mouth.

Breastfeeding is still going okay. I'm dealing with some oversupply and overactive let down issues again because of the growth spurt and Kaiden's reflux. It gets frustrating, but we are getting through this, just as we've gotten through the last fifteen weeks of breastfeeding ups and downs.

Here's a picture of my baby boy trying to eat his foot. He also has a scratch on his face because he likes to claw his face while he's sleeping.

Sunday, January 12, 2014

14 Weeks: Sleep Training and the Early Four Month Sleep Regression

Since the week after Christmas, we have been working on sleep training. Note: This does not mean we are using the Cry It Out (CIO) method. Sleep training and CIO are not the same thing, though they are often thought to be the same thing.

Really, we have been working hard on sticking to our bedtime routine. The week before Christmas until the week after Christmas, Kaiden started to sleep through the night. Then, he hit a growth spurt, and that went to hell in a hand basket real quick. Now, at the end of Kaiden's 14th week, we are going through the four month sleep regression two months early.

Before I get into the hell that is the four month sleep regression, I want to write down what we managed to accomplish, and how we worked out our bedtime routine.

- We agreed we wanted Kaiden to be in bed by 9pm. Previously he was staying up to 11, and that was getting to be too much.

- We start our routine at 8 pm. This includes a bath every night, sometimes a belly massage before or after the bath, reading two books, saying our prayers, getting a bottle (since he will comfort nurse for while if I let him nurse, and this way, I know he's getting a full meal before bedtime), then being put down for bed.

- The first couple days were the worst...but they weren't really that bad. We had to go up a few times to assure Kaiden that it was okay and to give him his bink. We've been in the routine for a little over two weeks now, and we only go up once, if that. He's really good at self-soothing, he just doesn't like being alone in rooms by himself, and when he realizes we aren't there, that's when he gets upset.

It was nice, after we got into this routine, to have a few hours to ourselves each night before we went to bed too. It was also nice because we could sleep through the night with the baby.

Was nice.


And then the sleep regression hit. Suddenly, Kaiden started getting up for his 4 am night feeding again. Then, he started to get up for both the 4 am feeding AND the 2 am feeding. Now, we are back on his newborn schedule, for the most part. He sleeps from 9 - 2, then wakes up at 4, 5, 6, 7, and 9. It's that last stretch that has been the hardest. I would rather get three solid hours of sleep at a time, then be woken up every 45 minutes to an hour. It is wearing me out, especially because I am nursing all of those feedings.

We are thinking about using a bottle for the 2 am feeding again, like we did when he was a newborn. That would let me rest a little longer before he starts waking me up every hour until I have to go to work. The downside, I thought, would be that I'd still have to pump, but really, I don't, since he was skipping that feeding all together before. My body should know what to do. I hope.

The sleep regression also goes hand-in-hand with a growth spurt that lasts damned near a whole month, or so they say. This time, Kaiden is eating his most through the hours of 4 am and 9 am, and he seems to be eating less during the day. He is also fighting me at every chance he can get when it comes to nursing, which is super stressful.

We also tried to move Kaiden into the nursery yesterday...which didn't work. It was mostly because of me, since I got super anxious and cried as soon as I left the room. I put Kaiden back into my room. It was silly to try anyway, since he is waking up so often, and I don't feel like getting up out of bed and walking to the nursery each time he needs to eat.

So, that's what's been going on this week. Such a long, long week. I really hope this doesn't last a month.

Here he is helping mommy fold a sock:

Friday, January 3, 2014

Post-Infertility Survivor's Guilt

This article really touched me. It's why I hesitated to continue this blog. It's why I waited until Kaiden was three months old before I thanked my RE for not giving up on me. It's why my RE will never, in person, see this baby he helped me grow.

This is a real thing. It's a difficult thing. Infertility doesn't go away after you have a baby. It lingers emotionally and physically. I still deal with annoying PCOS things, and I know in my future, I'll still deal with it too. When I am ready to be pregnant again, I know I will be subjecting myself to all the same things that I have these past three years.

Infertility hurts. It always will.