Thursday, May 21, 2015

IVF PTSD: Not ready yet

I was planning on starting all my diagnostic tests and procedures during the summer, just to have them done for the year. Unfortunately, every time I look at the paperwork, I break down into sobbing and tears. I'm referring to this as my IVF PTSD.

You see, the very thought of having to go through all the tests, the blood draws the injections, the surgeries, the transfers and the waiting scares the living hell out of me. I don't know why I thought I'd not have to go through this again. As my RE stated, it would be a waste of time to do anything else, since all of the "everything else" failed.

But there's that little part of me that wants to cling to the hope that I will never, ever have to do IVF again.

Now, I have the added stress of not having my insurance cover 100% of it, since we switched insurance companies. I also have to deal with the ever-so-stupid stipulation of the insurance only covering an amount for three attempts per live birth. This means I only have three IVF/FET attempts to get a baby before it's done...forever. Unless I want to pay for EVERYTHING out of pocket...and that isn't an option.

So, I've decided that I am not ready to do IVF again yet. My parents are pushing when we will have another one (which, Kaiden is only 19 months old -- I don't understand why the pressure is on), and people are always asking me when we will have baby #2 (which, by the way, if you do this, you are a real a-hole. It's not your business, and it's not a polite question to ask). I just keep smiling, and I don't say anything, and when I do need to say something, I've been not-so-kindly telling people that it isn't their business. I

Ugh. How do IVF parents do IVF again?