The first Mother's Day that passed by, I wasn't too upset. At that time, I had only been trying for about a half a year, just at the point when I realized that I needed some extra assistance. Six months is average. Six months to a year, but I could already tell that my body wasn't going to do it on its own, and so could my OB at the time. So, I told myself that next Mother's Day, it'd all be worth it.
Except, that a year later, when next Mother's Day came, I was prepping for my first IVF treatment. I had just started the IVF cycle, and I was still learning how to do the daily injections. Three of them, every day, in my stomach. I recall asking myself over and over again how I ended up there. I remember crying night after night wondering how a 27 year old gets to the point when she needs this much extra help getting pregnant. I mean, hell. Women my age were easily achieving pregnancy all the time, why couldn't I?
That was a rough Mother's Day.
While I am overjoyed to be able to celebrate Mother's Day today, I know there are lots of women who read this blog and are still on their infertility journey to motherhood. I know that they are taking their shots, going to their multiple appointments a week, waking up from their egg retrievals and wondering when will it be their turn. When, God, will it be their turn?
This week was the second anniversary of my friend's husband's passing away. He died serving our country, and not a day has gone by that I don't think about the sort of pain and grief that she must go through. But, on his Angel Day, she posted this, and I thought was more than appropriate for my mommies-to-be out there to keep in mind as they too go through a sort of grieving:
God won't protect you from what he can perfect you through.
Remember this. Remember that right now, you are being perfected. Right now, your journey is serving a purpose. It is shaping you to be a better mother, whether it is for the very first time, or whether you've been a mother before. With each struggle we endure, we are further being prepared for a role we so desperately want to fill, one that we'd never take advantage of. With each struggle, we become closer to bringing a much wanted life into this world, one that we won't ever stop loving. One that has chosen us, from all the other mothers he or she could of chosen, because we wanted him or her so much.
Our pain has a purpose. You are NOT suffering needlessly. One day, you are going to be a mother.
A work friend of mine, who has also struggled through infertility, and who has decided after multiple IVF rounds that she wasn't going to go that route anymore, is now holding her new, one month old adopted, newborn son. Her drive to become a mother didn't end, she just changed the means to get there. Family doesn't always happen the way we thought it was going to happen, and there are plenty of people who luckily will never have to know what it feels like to accept that you had to take a different path. But your path is going to lead you there. I promise you it will.
So, happy Mother's Day to you, ladies, even if you do not think of yourself as mothers yet. You were mothers the day you decided that you'd do whatever it takes for your child -- a child you may not yet have, but you will have one day soon. You sacrificed your pre-motherhood lives the moment you decided that your child was more important and worth the pain you'd go through to get him or her. So, do not be too sad today. You will get there. You are going to get there.
Stay strong.
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