Baby Cameron's Birth Story

The last couple of months have been hectic. After finding out at 31 weeks that our son had a heart defect, my weeks were filled with doctors' appointments both in and out of state. We ultimately decided, with such a rare diagnosis and an unclear outcome, that we would deliver at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, who are third in the nation for pediatric cardiology. They also had the Special Delivery Unit, which is for mothers giving birth to sick babies who need immediate attention at the hospital. It also helped that my whole family lives in Philadelphia, so I had plenty of support when it came to childcare and the like.

CHOP doesn't allow for VBACs, which I was upset about, since that was what I was planning on for 30 weeks, and everything was lining up for a good try. But, I had to put that aside, because I wanted my baby to be born where he'd get the best care, and in the end, the only thing that mattered was his well-being.

Because I was scheduled for a c-section, I had to go up to Philadelphia during my 38th week, just in case I went into labor early. This part was really hard, because we decided I'd go alone that week and stay with my mom, just so our toddler, K, could stay in school and in his routine as much as possible. I had panic attacks and meltdowns almost daily the week before, and then a full attack in the car on the day of my departure. Thankfully, that week went by quickly, and by the next Saturday, I was reunited with K and B.

My c-section was scheduled for the 24th. We got to the hospital bright and early in the morning to get all the pre-op stuff done. I think the strangest part of a scheduled c-section is just showing up for it. With my previous c-section, I labored for 17 hours before we went to the OR. But I had hardly had any contractions at all before week 39, so the experience was completely different. I was also nervous about getting a spinal block, because I'd heard that sometimes it numbs so far up that you have trouble breathing. I also don't remember getting my epidural with my previous labor, because I was already in pain from the contractions.

Thankfully, I have a really high pain tolerance level, and even the anesthesiologist was impressed that I hardly flinched when he placed the block. My husband joined me shortly after and tried to hold a conversation with me while I was doing breathing exercises to keep my mind off what was happening, and the numbing sensation creeping up my body.

This was also the inbetween time, where we didn't know just how sick our baby would be when they delivered him. It was a strange moment, because I wanted to see him so badly, but I also wanted him to be okay, and was afraid he'd come out and not do well.

Cameron was delivered around 11 am in the morning. He came out screaming and yelling, which was already a great sign. We were waiting to see how his heart would adjust to the pressure change when he began to use his lungs, and the fact that he carried on screaming and yelling for a good thirty minutes was a amazing sign. They quickly rushed him out of the room and into an adjacent room where the cardiology team was waiting. B went to join him in the next room while they sewed me up, and the whole time I could hear my baby crying, and I loved it.

Eventually, they brought the baby back in for me to see, and he was just as beautiful as his brother was when he was born. Beautiful, pink, and looked perfectly healthy. They didn't have to give him oxygen, bag him...nothing. He was free of leads and tubes and machines. I asked to nurse him, and they even let me go back to my room and nurse him there for twenty minutes, which apparently doesn't happen often. They are supposed to take him right to the cardiology intensive care unit (CICU) for monitoring, but since he was doing so well, they let me nurse him in peace, and I couldn't have been more grateful for those moments before they took him to the CICU.

I had to wait until my spinal wore off enough for me to get on my feet and in a wheelchair so I could go to the CICU to see Cameron again. That took about four hours, and I was determined to get out of that bed to see him. I found it remarkable that it took me only four hours to get on my feet after this surgery, compared to my last c-section, when they didn't try to get me out of the bed until the next day. It was not easy, nor painless, but I did it, and I got to be wheeled around to the CICU to see my baby.

The worst thing about CICUs/NICUs is that you are not alone with your  baby. You are surrounded by babies who are much worse off than yours, or better than yours. In our case, thankfully, Cameron was doing really well, but that made it even harder when he was sharing a pod with three other babies who weren't doing well at all. In fact, we had to leave the pod the next morning because one of the babies was having his chest closed after surgery, and we wouldn't have been allowed in the pod during the procedure.

I won't bore you with all the details over the next few days we were there in the CICU. Cameron was moved into an overflow pod with new babies, one of which was born the same day he was, another who was one year's old and was there with what sounded like croup, and then another baby who was just weeks old and was transferred from another hospital. I very often think of  Cameron's birthday buddy, and I think of his mother, who sat by his bed all day long, unable to hold him, but kept her hand on him the whole time. I think about that mother and I try to channel her strength on days that I think are hard, but aren't anything compared to her burden.

The sucky thing about my stay at CHOP was that on Tuesday night (Cameron was born Monday afternoon), the charge nurse explained that we'd be getting a roommate in our room because the SDU (special delivery unit) was filling up, and they didn't have another choice. This also meant that B couldn't sleep in my room anymore. So, we started the scramble of trying to find out where B could sleep, since the Ronald McDonald House was full so far, as were all the local hotels. Wednesday and Thursday were stressful because of this, but B was able to secure a sleep room on the same floor for Wednesday night, and they managed to wiggle us in for a sleep room for Thursday night, after I was discharged, so I could continue to nurse Cameron and pump through the night.

Much to everyone's surprise, Cameron was discharged on Friday, a mere four days after his birth. We were originally told he'd be in the CICU for two to three weeks, and to be let home sooner than a week was just amazing and welcome news. He would have been let home on Thursday, but he was struggling with his sugar levels and with feedings, so they wanted to monitor him for one more day to be sure his sugars got under control.

It was a trying week, but at least it was only a week. I remind myself often that Cameron is lucky -- his outcome could have been worse. God has been listening to the prayers that many people have offered on Cameron's behalf. The universe took all the positive energy that others had sent our way, and directed it to Cameron's body to help heal him.

We've been home now for a week, and Cameron has been doing very well. He's not nursing at the breast as much as I want him to, but I am trying to stay positive about it. This will come. It will come in time, just as it did with K. His cardiologist saw him this week and was very happy with his progress. They found two other developments with his heart, but those weren't anything to worry about right now, and so, I'm not going to. He even made his urologist happy in that his right kidney is functioning well, he is urinating just fine, and there's nothing to do but wait and see when it comes to this as well.

Thank you all for reading, and thank you for praying, especially. Please continue to do so for Cameron, and also for the rest of the babies at the CICU right now, some of which have been there for their whole lives, and some of which will never leave there.

Unwillingly Becoming a Heart Mom

31 Weeks. At 31 weeks, you are supposed to mostly be in the clear, as far as all the “big issues” go. You’ve already made it through the first trimester. You’ve already made it through the big anatomy scan, which is nerve-wracking enough as it is. When you are done with that, and all has been marked as being developmentally normal, you just try to make it through the third trimester and all its uncomfortable nuances.

At 31 weeks, after attending a routine scan to follow a low risk kidney issue marked on our son’s 20 week anatomy scan, we were thrown for a loop as the sonogram technician spent way too much time watching our baby’s heart. As soon as she left, I turned to my husband and said, “Something is wrong. They never watched his heart for that long before.” But what could possibly be wrong now that wasn’t seen on the previous five ultrasounds?

We learned shortly thereafter that our son had some sort of defect with the right side of his heart. The Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor didn’t want to say too much about it, I suspect, because she didn’t know too much about it. We had to wait a whole week to be sent to the pediatric cardiology team at Johns Hopkins to find out that our baby had a very rare defect called Tricuspid Valve Dysplasia, and that everything that had been smooth sailing for the past eight months was to be thrown right out the window.

Tricuspid Valve Dysplasia means that his tricuspid valve, between the right aorta and right ventricle, is allowing blood to flow backwards between the two chambers. It should only be going in one direction, and that is through his pulmonary artery and into his lungs. Right now, it is classified as a “moderate” regurgitation...but this can change at any moment. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so helpless about anything, as we wait to get through the rest of this pregnancy and pray that the condition doesn’t worsen.

Everything about this otherwise healthy pregnancy, I feel, has been stolen from me. My plan to VBAC (a plan which was going smoothly, by the way), is no longer on the table. I can no longer attend the midwife/OB practice I’ve been going to for the last eight months -- I have to now see a MFM at Hopkins to be monitored more closely. Actually, I am going to see them, AND I am going to start commuting to Philadelphia once a week so I can be seen at CHOP and hopefully deliver there.

My baby is most likely going to be in NICU. My hopes for an easier breastfeeding journey this time around have also been taken away. I know I’m going to be hooked on a pump, away from my baby. I’m not going to have skin-to-skin. I won’t have delayed cord clamping. I won’t be able to let my oldest son hold my youngest son.I won’t be able to take my son home right away. I won’t be able to go home right away. We won’t be able to share him with our family. I don’t know what I am going to have, to be honest. I don’t even know if I’m going to have a healthy baby. Nothing is a given anymore. It’s all an unknown.

I have unwillingly become a “Heart Mom.” I’ve been adopted by a group of women out there who also have “Heart Warriors.” I have seen a ton of facebook pages following heart warriors and their journeys, and I never thought that I would personally be walking this road, too. I think of all those sick babies, all the pictures, all the happy and sad endings, and I wonder where I fit into all of it. How is my story going to end? How sick will my son be? That’s one of the hardest parts of this all -- I still don’t know just how severe this is, and I won’t until he is born. It’s all very much a waiting game.

My very supportive friends and family keep telling me that I am allowed to make the tough decisions, I’m allowed to let go to the expectations that I had all of this time, and I’m allowed to mourn all of it. Inside, I know the things I am letting go are very small in the long run, and that I am going to do whatever I have to do to give the best chance and care to my son; but I am still mourning it. I am still astonished that I’m a Heart Mom. I still don’t understand how I got here.

I was 31 weeks along. Nothing like this was supposed to happen.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we traverse our new normal for the next month or so. Please pray that our baby remains relatively healthy, and that his heart continues to beat strong. Pray that I can maintain a positive attitude, that my mood doesn’t tank, that I can manage my depression and anxiety well enough to keep my head above the water as I struggle with suppressing feelings for the good of not stressing out baby, but also allowing myself to emote in some way so that it all doesn’t boil over.

Thank you. <3

Letter to Kaiden Before His First Day of School

Dear Kaiden,

Tomorrow is your first day of preschool, and I am filled with excitement and dread and wonder all mixed together in one big ball that is sitting at the bottom of my stomach.

 See, Daddy and I knew from a long time ago that you were too smart for your own good. We also knew, especially given my background as a teacher, that you weren't going to thrive in a traditional classroom environment. That is simply not how you learn. You have grown so much in daycare, but to continue in daycare would be a disservice to you at this point. There's so much more out there for you to soak up, and we want to expose you to as much of it as we possibly can. That is why we decided to send you to a Montessori school, where you can flourish at your own pace, learn what you want to learn, and not be bound to a desk all day long.

This is a big change from a home daycare, though. For the past three years, you have been loved by women who stepped up in my place to keep you safe and grow you while I worked. Two of those years have been with Miss Ashley, who took you under her wing as if you were her own son. She has kissed your bumps and bruises, wiped away your tears, laughed and cried along with you -- she has done exactly what I would have done if I could have spent my whole days with you. Even when I stopped worked as a classroom teacher, she still continued to watch over you three days a week so you could play with your friends and learn from her.

Needless to say, I am nervous about letting you go tomorrow. I know you will probably handle it like a champ, and you won't look back once you see all those new friends to play with -- but it is still scary. It is scary to think that I am taking you away from where you were comfortable, from Miss Ashley and your friends, from the routine you knew, the bedroom your napped in, the table you sat at to eat your snacks and lunches, and I am putting you somewhere completely different, with different rules, different routines and different people.

Oh, but Kaiden, I know you will love it. Miss Edvina was already impressed with you when we took you for your trial morning. She couldn't believe that months ago, you already knew your letters, numbers, colors and shapes. She didn't believe me when I told her that you've known all those for over a year at that point, and then she assured me that you would do very well as a Montessori student. She also assured me that your fiery, curious and outspoken nature wouldn't be an issue. Daddy thinks that the school is in for a big surprise when you get there, but I think you are going to do well with your new boundaries and rules.

What is hardest about all of this is that it means you are growing up, and that your growing up is truly out of my hands. I packed your lunchbox, wrote your name on the inside of your backpack, got all of your things ready for tomorrow, and stood there in the kitchen and told Daddy, "I am one of those moms now, aren't I? I have to make him lunch now, and check his backpack."

I am happy to be one of "those moms" now. I was always happy to take on being your Mama. I will always be happy with being your Mama...

...but it is still bittersweet that you are growing up in front of my eyes, and there's nothing I can do to slow it down.

I love you so much, and you will have a perfect, wonderful day tomorrow. I just know it. <3

Love,
Mama

Update to Potty Training a High Needs Toddler

It's been a month. I didn't update. Why?

Well, because it didn't work. At the end of the weekend, I was in tears, I was angry, and Kaiden was just as frustrated. So, I let it go. I stopped it all. I just didn't have the energy or desire to keep putting him on the potty every twenty minutes, especially when he wasn't even going. It wasn't doing either of us any good. I emailed his preschool and told them I wasn't sure how strict they were about it, but it didn't seem to be working out. They emailed me back and told me to let it go, because it would be doing more harm than good, and they would work with him when he started school. So, that was it. We were done.

Fast forward to last weekend. We were coming home from the beach and stopped at the Delaware rest stop. They have family bathrooms there that have little potties for little kids. While I was on my big potty, Kaiden INSISTED that he wanted his diaper off so he could sit on the little potty. I put him on the potty, and although he didn't go, he did sit -- and that was a huge deal. We gave him a special treat from the store and went on our way home.

When we got home, I decided to take him with me into the bathroom whenever I had to go. I used to do this before, but he'd throw a fit and act like I was taking him into the bathroom to be murdered or something. This time, he went with me without fussing, and sat down and actually peed. But, what was more important, is that he realized that he was in control of his bladder. You could see it in his face that he understood when it would release. Every time I took him after that, he'd pee when I peed.

But, what really shocked me was when he stopped playing with my phone to tell me that he wanted to sit on his potty, and he went potty and got up and went back to playing. Then, I knew.

All those people who told me that he'd do it when he was ready...were right.

The next day was a daycare day, and he wouldn't go at daycare, but I think it is because she doesn't use potty chairs, but the seats that go on the big potty, and Kaiden doesn't like those. I put him in underpants when he got home from daycare, and aside from a poopy accident, he stayed dry for the rest of the night. This continued into Tuesday, where he stayed dry the whole day (aside from a poopy accident) in his underpants. Then came another daycare day. His provider went out and bought the same kind of potty we use at our house, and sure enough, Kaiden went the whole day on the potty and stayed dry again.

Today, I brought him to the mall for family fun day. We stayed for a few hours in his underpants, and he used his travel potty twice in the mall -- and stayed dry. <3

It is looking good, and I am hoping it keeps going well. We were using cars to motivate him, along with stickers and cookies, but today I changed the cars to coins because he was becoming a little too obsessed with them...and he has a lot of cars now. Haha.

So, I guess it is right in that they do it when they are ready. :)

Potty Training is the Devil (Especially with a High Needs Toddler)

To preface this, before I get all the comments all saying the same thing: I know that boys take longer to train. I also know that it's not good to rush it, and I also know they tend to do better when they do it on their own time. BUT, we spent hundreds of dollars to enroll him into a Montessori school for the fall, and they prefer he be potty trained (most require it), and I am afraid that he won't be potty trained AT ALL and they will turn him away. So, for the three day weekend, I decided to give it a try. 

The plan: Sit on the potty for 10 minutes, off the potty for 20 minutes, all day long.

Day 1: This was a trying day, especially because I was on my own most of the day while my husband dealt with our rental property. I didn't expect the first day to be easy, but I also didn't expect it to be super exhausting either.

Now, Kaiden KNOWS he should pee and poop on the potty. This isn't our first time trying to potty train him. In fact, we started around 18 months when he was taking a lot of interest in it, and he did REALLY well...until he caught a stomach bug, which erased all his progress. Ever since then, he's becoming increasingly more stubborn about it. Because of that, we backed off for awhile, because it just wasn't getting anywhere. But, then he started to complain about his diapers and how he wanted to wear underpants, and he'd throw fits every diaper change, and really kiddo -- if you don't want to wear them, and you know where to go potty, THEN GO.

Through the day, K would throw fits when I put him on the potty. I moved the potty chair out of the living room and into the bathroom so he would be "bored" in there and hopefully just go in the potty to get out. Kaiden, though, is stubborn as hell, and he just holds his pee and poop to spite us. As soon as I put underpants on him, he'd pee. So, I stopped putting underpants on him and just had him run around naked.

The day ended on an almost positive. He had five accidents and four potties in the potty. While the day seemed much worse than it was, I realized that he did pretty darn well for his first potty day.

Day 2: Man, I thought this day would be better, but it was more frustrating than the first day. I realized on day one that Kaiden stopped drinking his water. My husband said that there is no way that he knows that drinking a lot makes him pee, but I think we underestimate K a lot sometimes. Day two, he hardly drank at all. He knew. He would also only let a few drops of pee out at a time, just to barely relieve himself, and then hold the rest of it.

By dinner time, he  hadn't had any accidents, but he also didn't really go to the bathroom (except for peeing his pull ups during naptime, which I'm not counting right now). Our solution? Before dinner, I sat him on the potty and tickled him! Kaiden thought this was hilarious, and it also made him pee a little more. Small victory!

At dinner time, though, he was sitting in his booster seat and was shaking with effort to hold in a poop. It was pathetic. We stopped dinner and put him back on his potty, and surely enough, he pooped! He was so excited about it that he stood up before he was finished and it dropped on the floor. That's okay, though! We'll take it!

Kaiden had asked at the beginning of the day, just after he woke up in the morning, if he could have ice cream for going to the potty. I told him that if he has no accidents all day long, I'd take him for ice cream. Well, we made it until the last hour of the day, and I put his underpants on...and he immediately peed in them. I really wanted ice cream too! Haha. But, after the day ended, we only had one accident, and that is better than before!

Day 3: We are still in the middle of day three, but it's going over much better than days one and two. He hasn't thrown fits when it is time to sit on the potty, and I even went to the store with him (he wore underpants with a pull up on top) and he stayed dry for our whole trip. Because he stayed dry, I let him continue to wear his underpants and pull up at home, and he is STILL dry, which is quite the feat!

I will let you know how it goes tomorrow, hopefully.

Oh! For motivation, we give him a matchbox car, a sticker for his potty poster, and a cookie -- and when he poops, he gets double that. It's not ideal getting so many cookies in a day, but he is very food motivated, and I want to keep his enthusiasm up!

Managing Depression and Parenting the High Needs Toddler

The last week or so has been a lesson in patience. It is not easy being pregnant and managing a toddler. It's especially not easy when your toddler is a high needs toddler, and you feel like you can't breathe.

When I realized Kaiden was high needs, he was younger, maybe around five or six months. He had a very hard time doing anything if we weren't directly watching him. He'd complain until we'd pay our complete and undivided attention to him.

I often would vent to one of my mommy groups/due date groups, who all had children born in the same month as Kaiden. I'd tell them how depressed I'd get that I couldn't catch a break, and I felt like every day I was suffocating under the weight of having to give all of my time and energy over to my son, who, in turn, would want more, more, more.

I know they didn't mean it, but often times, my mommy group would make me feel guilty. They'd tell me, "Well, if he is acting out for more attention, then you should give him more attention," implying that I wasn't giving him enough attention when it was the exact opposite -- I was giving him ALL the attention I possibly had, so much so that I stopped paying attention to myself.

I suffer from major depression disorder. It's been a constant struggle for me to stay on top of it. Since becoming a mom, my worst days are the days when I am consumed by Kaiden. These are the days when I hide in the bathroom, close the door and cry because I NEED a moment alone -- a moment when he is not whining at me, or acting out to get my attention. Sometimes, it takes all I have in me to make it to bedtime, and after getting him down into bed, I can do nothing more but to lay in my own bed and sob.

One of the mommy groups I recently joined is for mommies of high needs babies and toddlers. In the group description, it says that we all must be mindful that many of us are exhausted and depressed due to the nature of our children, and to be gentle with each other. I look back at that description often and try to remind myself of that for ME. "Be gentle with yourself." It's easier said than done, though.

This week has been a trying week. Kaiden is 2.5 years old, and the terrible twos are so much more amplified when you have a high needs toddler. I read an article that highlighted that you should not compare your high needs child to other children. This only leads to frustration and depression, and it's not fair to your child, since every child is different. But let me tell you how hard it is, when your child can't manage to play on his own for more than a minute at a time, and his peers will sit and play with their legos or playdoh or crayons for 15-30 minutes and be CONTENT. Contentedness does not exist in this house.

Kaiden is like a bumble bee. He flits from one flower to the next, never staying at one long enough to appreciate it. I buy Kaiden new toys in hopes that one of them will capture his attention long enough to let me look away, but they never do. The only thing that does help is the television, and even that is losing appeal for him.

So, how do I manage this? Well, writing helps out a lot. Just getting my thoughts and my struggle out there gives me some hope that someone else will see this and commiserate and realize that they are not alone.

The weather is nice again, so I have been trying to get us out of the house. This is hard because I am often tired and achey and walking with the stroller is exhausting. I can't let him walk out of the stroller because he is flighty and tends to dart off, and it is stressful running after him. But, a walk wears him down, it give us some peace of mind, and I feel better after exercising. I have also been walking hand-in-hand with him around our neighborhood, which is nice for us too.

I try to get us out of the house to go to stores or the mall to walk too. Anything to give him a change of scenery is helpful, as long as he isn't too tired and cranky. The mall is nice because they have the closed in play areas which are more optimal for us than playgrounds, since Kaiden doesn't pay attention when he is playing and would be the one to fall eight feet off the playground equipment. We don't even take him to playgrounds often because we literally have to chase him everywhere to make sure he isn't going to kill himself.

I also need to be better at asking for help. Kaiden already goes to daycare three times a week, which is very helpful, but I still don't really get time to myself, since I work on those days. So, maybe learning to find something to do for myself that is rewarding and relaxing would be nice. I should get back to running, but I have to modify that now that I am pregnant. Maybe I can walk on my own instead...or go get a massage. :)

Anyway, a high needs toddler is a very real thing. If you want more information about "high needs" Dr. Sears (whom I don't always agree with) has a great article you can read here. 

It's Been Awhile: Kaiden is getting a sibling!

So, I have been secretly keeping another blog that has been chronicling my infertility journey and trying to conceive number two. I did it this way because I knew a lot of family followed this blog, and we didn't want people to know we were trying again, and we didn't want them to bother us.

I'm happy to say that after our failed FET in November, we are now 9w3d pregnant after our first Femara + IUI cycle. I am not sure how or why this worked after all the cycles I had to do to get Kaiden, but...it did. And I thank God for it, because I wasn't ready to do IVF again (which is why I went back to doing an IUI). I think God knew this, and here we are. :)

This is our baby. We aren't finding out the gender this time, so put us in Team Green. We are calling it "Tumkin" which is how Kaiden used to say "pumpkin" and I thought it was appropriate being that we are due October 30th. Another October baby!

Why I Want You to Stop Asking Me When I Am Having Baby #2

Do you see those lines? You know, the second line on each of those tests? However faint they are? The line that means "you are pregnant?" The ones that you yearn to see when you have sank thousands of dollars into treatment? The ones you cling to and immediately envision a little baby at the end of the nine months to come?

Those are my tests. My lines. My baby (or babies). I cried in happiness over those lines.

Those were our last two frozen embryos. The last of the batch from Kaiden.

Do you also see how I am using past tense in that sentence?

Because over the next few days, those lines got fainter, and eventually, they went away all together. Just as soon as I was happy to be pregnant, I was devastated to not be pregnant any longer. I don't know how someone falls in love with a line...but I did, because that is all I had of that baby. That was all I had of those embryos, aside from the picture of them given to me by the clinic. I can't even bring myself to throw the tests out. I feel like I am throwing them away...

I went home after my transfer and waited until the end of the day so I could lay in bed, hold that picture of the embryos and ask them to please stay.

When I saw Kaiden's positive test, I posted to facebook some Taylor Swift lyrics, "Stay, stay, stay. I'll be loving you for quite some time, time, time."

I didn't know that time would be a few days.

This is why I don't want you to ask me when I am having baby #2. It's not any of your fucking business. You have no fucking clue what we are doing with our family. And now that we have zero embryos left, *we* don't even know what we are doing with our family. So, it is not your place to ask us. It's not your place to say, "Oh, well we didn't know!" Because guess what? You don't have to know. You don't have to know because it's NOT YOUR BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE.

So STOP ASKING ME.

For God's sake...please, please stop asking me.

Kaiden is 2!

I haven't updated in awhile, mostly because Kaiden is growing so quickly that I can't keep up. He is two now, and he manages to meet every expectation of a two year old. Strong-willed, stubborn, sweet and sassy. Love this kid.

Today, we had our first dentist appointment. Actually, it was his second one, but his first cleaning. It was hell. I knew he wasn't going to do well, so I tried to prepare myself, but no one likes to pin down their child while they scream and thrash and cry. That appointment was two hours ago, and he is still stressed out. I'm letting him sit on his couch and watch Big Block Sing Song because I feel like a horrible mommy.

Speaking of feeling horrible, yesterday, he managed to fall down half a flight of stairs from the top. I kept replaying the moment through my head, and I still do because I have no idea how he just walked away from it without any injury to himself. I thank God he didn't get hurt. He must have an angel watching over him or something. I thankfully caught him after he cartwheeled down a few steps. If I didn't get there, it'd be a whole other story.

Boy toddlers sure do know how to cause their mother's heart attacks every two seconds. He is always falling and getting scrapes or bruises. He never stops running (I am not exaggerating about this), and it's inevitable at some point he's going to take a tumble. The grandmas all stress about it, and I've learned to sit back and let it happen (within reason). There's no other way I can teach him to slow down at this point!

Learning to sit back and watch is a parent lesson within itself. It's not easy to stop hovering. I often find myself in a mental argument about whether I should help or not. More often than not, I steel myself to where I'm sitting and let him handle things on his own. He's getting better at sticking up for himself and expressing himself to others, but still tends to just let other kids walk all over him.

He's so smart, though. He knows all his letters and has known them since 17 months. He can count to 20. He's mastered puzzles, which was a big frustration for him before. He loves to sing and picks up on songs VERY quickly. He can tell the difference between a guitar and violin (haha). He has memorized books and can "read" them to you almost word-for-word.

I am so blessed to have this little guy in my life!

And then there was potty training...kind of.

Kaiden is 22 months old now! I can't believe he's almost two. It is amazing how much he says and does now, I simply can't keep up (which is why I stopped my monthly updates).

The major things are that he knows his alphabet (capital letters) by sight. He learned that at 20 months rather out of the blue. We've just been fostering it since then. He is really keen on letters, just like his Mama. :)

He is putting together two and sometimes three word sentences. It's another language that only I can understand sometimes, but that's because I'm around him the most, so I know his little nuances.

And finally, the potty.

Everyone will say not to push it until they are ready, and they would be right. So, when I mention that Kaiden is using the potty here and there, that's the first reaction that I get. I know he is young, and I know they mean well.

I don't look at it as potty training, though. I am kind of just going along with his curiosity and his cues. He doesn't mind sitting on his potty. We bought it when he was 13 months old, just because he liked to follow us into the bathroom and watch us go to potty. We put the little potty chair in the bathroom so he could sit down and go when we were going. It worked out great, and he loved to flush it and say "Bye bye, potty!"

Between 14 months and 21 months, he pooped on the potty twice, and that was just because I took his diaper off and sat with him. He didn't quite understand what was going on. The first time, he screamed and cried when I wouldn't let him touch the poop and took it away to go in the big potty. The second time, he was in awe that there was poop in the potty, but quickly lost interest.

Over the last week, he was bringing me his changing pad and wipes and telling me, "Diaper." He was expressing that he wanted to be changed -- a great sign!

So, I went along with it and asked him during his "poop times" if he wanted to sit on the potty. He'd happily go to his potty, and after I took off his diaper and sat him down, we'd read some books, and he'd poop and pee on the potty. After much celebration, letting him help flush it down the big potty and awarding him with a cookie (I've decided not to do this anymore, though, and set up sticker and Matchbox car incentives instead), we let him call his grandparents and daddy so he could tell them.

Positive reinforcements go a long way. Now, he is so excited to sit and go on the potty. If he doesn't want to, I don't press him. That's not what matters to me right now. What matters is that he is communicating (he has identified the difference between poop and pee now), such as grabbing his boy parts and saying "pee pee" or, today, he looked at me and said "uh oh" before we gleefully hurried to the potty and he pooped. I want him to continue to communicate and learn what is happening with his body. The rest will follow.

I also bought him some pull-ups, in hopes that he will learn how to pull his pants up and down, because he has NO IDEA how to do that right now. Haha.

It's a care-free approach, and I am hoping it works out in the end. I don't expect him to be fully trained anytime soon. My goal here is to foster and support his curiosity and learning his body. So far, it's working out.

Now, to get that coveted picture of him sitting on his potty, so I can show it to his girlfriend 15 years from now!

IVF PTSD: Not ready yet

I was planning on starting all my diagnostic tests and procedures during the summer, just to have them done for the year. Unfortunately, every time I look at the paperwork, I break down into sobbing and tears. I'm referring to this as my IVF PTSD.

You see, the very thought of having to go through all the tests, the blood draws the injections, the surgeries, the transfers and the waiting scares the living hell out of me. I don't know why I thought I'd not have to go through this again. As my RE stated, it would be a waste of time to do anything else, since all of the "everything else" failed.

But there's that little part of me that wants to cling to the hope that I will never, ever have to do IVF again.

Now, I have the added stress of not having my insurance cover 100% of it, since we switched insurance companies. I also have to deal with the ever-so-stupid stipulation of the insurance only covering an amount for three attempts per live birth. This means I only have three IVF/FET attempts to get a baby before it's done...forever. Unless I want to pay for EVERYTHING out of pocket...and that isn't an option.

So, I've decided that I am not ready to do IVF again yet. My parents are pushing when we will have another one (which, Kaiden is only 19 months old -- I don't understand why the pressure is on), and people are always asking me when we will have baby #2 (which, by the way, if you do this, you are a real a-hole. It's not your business, and it's not a polite question to ask). I just keep smiling, and I don't say anything, and when I do need to say something, I've been not-so-kindly telling people that it isn't their business. I

Ugh. How do IVF parents do IVF again?

18 Months: My Strong-Willed Child

Kaiden is halfway between one and two, and it's so hard to believe! Well, I mean, it's so hard to believe all that time has passed, but not hard to believe he is nearing those terrible twos. I'm certain he is already in them.

My baby is very strong-willed, and sometimes that can be super frustrating. My husband and I keep each other in check when we are getting run down by all day temper-tantrum-a-thons. I try to remind him that we can't project our adult conceptions on Kaiden, and that he doesn't know any better half the time. Our mantra is: He has so many feelings, and he doesn't know what to do with them.

I've been hoarding advice from every mommy I know, and trying out everything and anything to see what works. I don't expect him to "cure" him, but I do want to learn how to help him best.

His language is coming along. They say there are "bursts" of language between now and two years old, and I was skeptical of how quickly some parents said this happened until Kaiden went through a "burst" himself. He's a chatterbox, and even if he only knows a handful of words, he is getting better at learning new ones and repeating them back to us. He's excited to parrot us, when before he could care less.

We went to Disneyworld for Spring Break, and Kaiden got to meet his idol, the mouse himself. He ran right up to him with open arms and gave him a big hug. It was the sweetest thing ever, and my heart almost burst with love. We had a great time as a family, my husband, MIL, Kaiden and I.

The biggest thing to happen between last month and this month is that I quit my teaching job and switched to a part time teaching position instead. I wanted to be home with Kaiden more, and the stress from work was affecting my health. From the abnormal bleeding to the pneumonia and the stress...I had to consider what would be best for me and my family. Luckily, my supportive husband was on board, and now I stay home with Kaiden for most of the week. When I work, he goes to daycare a few times a week too, which means he keeps his routine and his play friends.

So, good things are happening, and I hope they continue that way. I'll have to come back and post his stats!

17 Months Old and Changes

My little guy is 17 months old now. What a big man!

Kaiden loves climbing. He is starting to explore his boundaries with climbing, which means there has been lots of incidents of falling too. I don't get too concerned, since that is how toddlers have to learn, but my husband tends to be a little more protective when it comes to Kaiden's explorations.

We've been working a lot on Kaiden's speech, since he still likes to mimic sounds of words (like the sing-song quality of words) instead of the actual letter sounds. He uses a "D" sound for almost everything, even if he knows how to make other letter sounds. I'm not too concerned about this yet, but it does get to be frustrating since there are a lot of breakdowns over communication. He also likes to pick and choose when he wants to use his signs, and that gets frustrating too.

My baby has completely weaned. Unfortunately, with the extended bleeding mentioned in the previous post, my supply changed too much for his liking. This was pretty heartbreaking for me, and I took it pretty hard, mostly because I was mad at my body for ruining this relationship. But, Kaiden compensates in other ways.

For example, he loves to pull on my shirt until I lift it up and he can rest his head against my boobs and snuggle. He puts his thumb in his mouth and lays his hand against his boobie and listens to me breathe. There are times he will remember, "Oh, these are for milkies!" and he will try to nurse again, but he suckles for a few seconds, tastes the milk, and then pulls off right away. To be honest, I'm surprised that there is still milk there after a week of no nursing at all.

There's is the possibility that he will pick it back up again, but I'm not holding my breath or getting my hopes up. I'm happy with our snuggle time, and I am glad it serves the same purpose of keeping close to mommy.

I just love this little boy.

Why am I so sad after weaning?

Those are the words I typed into google when my husband couldn't figure out why I would be bawling my eyes out over my son having self-weaned. That night, my son didn't ask to nurse before bed, which was getting to be routine, but what wasn't routine was that it was his first day without nursing at all, despite all of my attempts, all the times I offered.

The next day, he nursed a couple of times, but I was pretty sure he wasn't actually getting anything. Yesterday, it was the same way, except he only tried to nurse in the morning, and didn't once ask for mikies the rest of the day. Not even when I tried on bras for fifteen minutes in a dressing room. Normally, if boobs are out, then he wants them. He stares at them and grabs for them and WANTS them. But yesterday, he just went on bumbling about the dressing room, not once asking for his boobies.

And that is when I realized it was over. He has weaned. At 17 months, he has decided to stop, and while I am so proud of this accomplishment, I am also sad because I wasn't ready to stop. I didn't want to stop yet. This wasn't my goal. But Kaiden doesn't know I have a goal. Or had a goal.

I think I am a little sad because this has come about in a rather jarring way. For the whole month of February, I've been bleeding. I've been to the ER once, I've been downing birth control pills (a few a day) like they are candy...and I knew that this was wreaking havoc on my supply and the quality of the milk Kaiden was getting. The last I tasted it (to see if it was the milk he couldn't stand), it was very salty, and that was at the start of the month.

I started to notice that he wasn't swallowing when nursing, which was a sign that he wasn't getting anything, and he was just using me for comfort. I didn't want to believe it, though. I didn't want to admit that my dysfunctional body is what was ending my breastfeeding journey short. I see it now, though, and I don't blame Kaiden. Who wants salty milk anyway?

I am writing this at 5:30. Normally, at this time, I am finishing nursing Kaiden and hurrying to get dressed for work and out the door. It has been a hectic morning schedule since my work schedule changed this year, mostly because I never knew how long Kaiden would want to nurse, or if he'd wake up earlier to nurse and then I'd be stuck awake since 4 am since my alarm goes off at 5.

Instead of nursing, though, I got dressed for work instead. I didn't go in to ask Kaiden if he wanted any milkies, or take him from his crib to the rocking chair where he nursed. I've decided to not go into his room to wake him.

He didn't have an easy night last night, for some reason, and kept waking up. Each time that I went in there to hold him, he never asked to nurse. That is what he'd normally want to calm him down, but last night, he just wanted to fall asleep in my arms, against my chest, with his thumb in his mouth.

And I realized that it was okay. I realized that I didn't have to ask him if he wanted to nurse this morning. I realized that today is the day my son has weaned. It's the day I won't offer it to him. If he wants it, I'll offer, but otherwise, we will go about our day as mommy and baby, just without the boobie inbetween.

Here is a picture I snapped a week ago, knowing that my time breastfeeding Kaiden was running out. It's not the best picture, but it is precious to me to have captured the moment.

PCOS, Dysfunctional Uterine Bleeding and Weaning

It has been hellish the past three weeks. PCOS has reared its head in a new way with me, and we've been at a loss as to what to do. Basically, without getting into all the details, I had a few periods that were only ten days apart from each other, and the bleeding went on for over two weeks. The last cycle, the bleeding was really heavy, and I was supposed to go to the ER, but I didn't because it sounded stupid. The bleeding stopped on its own, and I was put on birth control to help level out my hormones.

Ten days after that, the bleeding returned. It was medium flow for two weeks, and then all of the sudden got really, really bad. It scared me, and I did end up going to the ER. Now, I am taking a bunch of birth control pills at once to try and stop the bleeding, but it's not working. If there is no change by tomorrow, I have to go back to the hospital. I suspect the next step is a D&C, which I am terrified of, but my friends assure me that it's not so bad. We will see what they decide to do next. All of the blood loss is exhausting, and all of the birth control pills are making me feel sick on top of it.

And then there is the weaning. My baby is weaning. I didn't want to believe it at first, but it makes sense. When a breastfeeding mom gets her period, the milk becomes a bit salty, and some babies don't like that. Normally, though, the milk goes back to normal when the period is over. But, I've been on my period for nearly two months now, and with all the birth control I have to take on top of that, my supply is probably non-existent, and the milk tastes very salty.

I noticed he was nursing less than he normally does. He usually nurses in the morning and at night, but instead, Kaiden would latch on and not suckle, he'd just "talk" to me. He just wants to be close. But this morning, I asked him if he wanted milkies, and he very clearly shook his head and said "no." So, I tried to sit down and offer anyway, since this concept of saying "no" and meaning "no" is new to him, and he doesn't always get it right. Even when offered, he didn't want to nurse. He just kissed my boob, stuck his thumb in his mouth, and snuggled up against it. Again, he just wanted to be close.

And that is when I realized that it is probably over.

Yesterday, I was okay with this notion. I accepted it. I patted myself on the back and said, "I didn't even think I could make it a week, let alone sixteen months."

But today, I keep blaming myself for our nursing relationship coming to an end. Again, my messed up body and PCOS has managed to take something away from me.

My mother-in-law warned me that it would be sad when it ends. My husband weaned when he was fifteen months old, and it was very sudden. She said she cried for days because she just wasn't ready for it to happen.

I wasn't ready for it to happen either.

15 Months: Toddlers are Interesting

My boy is now 15 months old, and boy has the last month really brought about some fun changes.

Kaiden is becoming more independent, and more aware of his ability to choose. On some days, he chooses to eat a great dinner, and on other days he chooses to only eat cheese sticks. One some days, he chooses to hang on to my legs when I walk and not let me out of his sight, and on other days, he wants to sit quietly and read to himself. It's just amazing how dynamic Kaiden can be.

His 15 month appointment went very well. Between appointments, we had to bring him to urgent care a few times because he got Roseola, which is a viral bug that causes a high fever and then a rash when the fever goes away. It was a rough week, since Kaiden didn't want to do anything, was very lethargic and only wanted to be snuggled. It also meant that I had to stay home from work, which work wasn't very thrilled about, but my family comes first...and I couldn't send Kaiden to daycare with a fever.

Anyway! Here are his stats for 15 months:

Weight: 21 lbs even. This is only an eight ounce gain from the last appointment, and it puts him around the 17th percentile for weight. The doctor is not concerned because he eats well and is very active. She told me to expect him to always be on the low end of the percentiles until he's two.

Height: 31 inches. This is around the 25th percentile.

I forget his head circumference, but it was in the 51th percentile. All is well there.

Kaiden still has a big issue with his frustration and anger level. He gets frustrated very quickly when he cannot figure something out or communicate effectively, and he'll throw a tantrum because of it. We are still using sign language, but he's peculiar about the use of his hands and when he actually wants to use sign to tell us something. For example, he knows how to sign "eat" and "more" and knows when to sign it, but sometimes, instead of signing "eat" he will go over to his high chair and whine, or he will go into the kitchen and sit in front of the stove (he's strange). Instead of saying "more" he will hold his cup out to one of us and whine. It is hard for us not to reinforce this behavior, because ultimately he IS communicating, just not in the way we'd like. So, we just keep on signing.

Now, when we ask him if he is tired or if his diaper needs to be changed, he will walk to the stairs and wait for us to open the gate so we can go upstairs and take care of his needs. He follows simple directions/requests well -- when he wants to. Such a stubborn little guy!

As far as any new words, it is hard to say because he cycles through the ones he wants to use, and sometimes he uses sounds instead of words, even when he can very well say the word. He also chooses when to use certain words with intent and then will seemingly forget about them for a little bit. So, here we go:

Mama
Dada
No-no
Yes/Yeah
Doggie
Car
Clock
Socks
Shoes
Hi
Bye-bye
Cat
Moo/Dur
Cookie
Choo-choo
Thank you

...and I will think of more later. Like I said, he uses a lot of noises for words, so it's so hard to write those down. Haha.

He will respond to the following:

Go get your __________.
Take off your socks.
Come here.
Sit first (when going down a step).
Where is your ___________.
Are you hungry?
Are you tired?
Do you want more?
Do you want a snack?
Give me a kiss/hug.
Say night-night.

We will be working more on communication and signing this month. I also want to start using flashcards with him. He plays with them, but we don't really review them very often. He does know the letter "C" and the "cat" card, though. That's his favorite!

Kaiden has been going to Gymboree Gym every Sunday too. Since going there, he's gotten much better at going up the stairs, has been going down the stairs, going down the slide by himself, throwing balls, and climbing. I can see, every time we go there, that he is becoming more and more curious and brave when it comes to new things. He will crawl/walk through tunnels now, when before he wouldn't even go near them. He does not like circle time, though, that's for sure.

As far as nursing goes, we are still nursing, but it has definitely changed. He usually only nurses twice a day, once in the morning and once before bedtime. Sometimes this is less, and sometimes it is more. I am okay with this. At first, I was sad when he started to drop feedings, but now I feel a little more liberated that I don't always have to be there for him to nurse every three or four hours. I don't have to ask myself when was the last time he had milkies, or if I have to pump. I don't get uncomfortable, or feel "full" like some other women do. Sometimes, if I wear a normal bra during the workday, my boobies will hurt when I get home because they were bound too tightly, but other than that, it's not a big deal! My next goal is 18 months, then 2 years!

Here he is, out playing in the snow for the first time on our snow day home together!

Pre-TTC: Postpartum PCOS

Doctor after doctor, woman after woman have told me that with PCOS or an unexplained infertility, that sometimes the body "learns" what it should do after it has already been pregnant and had a baby. I was skeptical of this, and I still am.

But, it seems that I have ovulated on cd 15, without medication...which...is a first. My chart suggests that I did, but I didn't use any OPKs or anything to back it up. We aren't planning to TTC again for a little while, to put some space between Kaiden and the next baby, so I don't have a need for OPKs, which hardly work for me anyway.

I am impressed, though, if I did manage to ovulate on my own! We will see if it is a fluke or not next cycle.

I am also asking my GP if I can go on metformin to see if it does anything. I am not insulin resistent or diabetic, but it can help women with PCOS and non-IR to regulate. I will keep everyone updated!

14 Months: A little, willful person with an attitude

This is what Kaiden has been lately. Willful. Filled with 'tude. Gosh...I wonder where he gets it from! This has been a challenge, if only because you can't really explain to a one year old what he is doing wrong, so disciplining him has little purpose. It is so hard to explain to him that we don't scream when we want things, and we don't pinch when we are mad, and you don't throw yourself down on the floor when you aren't getting your way.

I read a Dr. Sears article (which I might have mentioned before), that said the earlier babies throw tantrums, the more intelligent they are because it shows they are desperately trying to communicate their wants and needs, but are frustrated because they can't. Kaiden's pediatrician told me the same thing when I told her at his one year checkup that he is getting really angry over things, and it is hard to calm him down.

I signed us up for a little sign language class at one of the nearby baby stores. I am hoping it gives me more insight on how to teach him to communicate better. He knows how to sign "eat" and "more" but he has slowly been dropping them and not using them as much anymore.

Aside from the tantrums, Kaiden has learned to walk backwards, and he thinks it is hilarious. He also likes to tell "stories" and change his voice for different parts, even if we have no clue what he is saying. He sits down and "reads" books out loud now, which is really cute. He gets frustrated when he plays with his puzzles, and I have to sit next to him and cheer him on so he doesn't give up. He loves to climb the stairs, and sometimes he tries to climb other things too, but he doesn't go too overboard with it. He's just started to get curious enough to try and open up cabinets, so we put the child locks on them, finally.

He has two more teeth, so eight total. His teeth are really slow coming in, and that sort of sucks. They don't seem to bother him too much, though.

Sleeping has been on and off. He usually wakes up around 3 am. I describe it as him "checking in" or wanting to know we are still around. We just go in and hug him and put him back to bed and he sleeps until I wake him up for milkies in the morning. But, most nights, he wakes up a couple more times, and we don't know why. He's not hungry. I suspect he has bad dreams. It gets frustrating some nights, and we get really exhausted, but I am hoping it might just be his teeth, and this will pass.

As far as breastfeeding goes, I was worried he was somehow weaning early, but it turns out it is normal that he sometimes only nurses once a day, and sometimes he wants milkies all the time. It is scary and frustrating when he only nurses in the morning and not again until the next morning, but Kaiden is a busy toddler, and most of the time, he rather run around and play than get milkies. Sometimes, all he wants to do is snuggle with a boobie and suck on his thumb. Such a little snuggle bug. <3

I love this guy, and I love watching him grow. :)

Loving his waffles and nutella!

Breastfeeding and Postpartum AF - You Suck

I finally got my PPAF, or my first period after having Kaiden. He is 13 months old now, so it held out for a good, long while, considering that I supplemented him for some of the time, and then I night weaned him. In reality, though, I know she couldn't have been that far off, since Kaiden's feedings have dropped to 2 or 3 good nursings a day.

I was curious, though, with PCOS, when it'd come back. A little part of me was excited for her return, if only to see if my weight loss and exercising efforts will have any affect on my cycles. My husband and I do not plan on TTC again until next summer, so I am taking this time to keep losing weight and getting myself healthier. I also think I might start to take Pregnitude again to help with all the PCOS stuff.

After a visit with my GP, she told me that I should shoot for losing two pounds a month, which is more realistic with PCOS. She also wants me to start shifting to a diet that is diabetic/insulin resistant friendly. I am not diabetic or have IR, but she thinks it will help me lose weight with PCOS. I've tried this before, and I'm happy to try it again, if it helps me meet my goal. I want to try and get down to 180 lbs by the summer. It's not my overall goal, but it would make me more than happy to be back at 180 first. And, it seems reasonable to me.

A couple of non-IR friends told me I should ask to try metformin anyway to help me lose weight and regulate my cycles. I am going to ask my GP about it, and perhaps I'll go to my new OBGYN to ask them too. I am not sure how I feel about it, since my last RE said it wouldn't serve a purpose if I am not IR, but if it can't hurt to try...then maybe I should try it?

Anyway, I know some of you are here to find out what a PPAF is like. I've heard horror stories about PPAF and how much the cramps hurt, and how it never ends, and blah blah blah.

Well, I didn't have any obvious signs of her approach. I had off and on cramps throughout the two months before she showed up, and some bloating, but nothing out of the ordinary. The onset was slow. It was light the whole time, and lasted five days. Easy peasey.

Now, I've heard that the next one can be the complete opposite, so we will see.

There's your TMI post for today.

One Year Old!

It has been a pretty hectic last couple of weeks, so sorry I couldn't update any faster.

My baby boy is now one year old. I started to write him a letter that I wanted to post here, but then I have yet to get the chance to finish it, so I will have to post it later. In either case, everyone is absolutely correct about the year flying by. I don't know where most of it went, but I do know that the night before Kaiden's birthday, and the night of Kaiden's birthday, I wept in my bed because my little boy is growing up.

My husband didn't understand why I was crying, and I told him, "One day, he's not going to need me like he needs me now. One day, I won't be able to hold him anymore, or let him rest his head on my shoulder." It was a little too sappy for my husband, but I think a little part of him understood. One-by-one the days are passing by, and I am enjoyed to watch my son grow up, but I am also sad that he is getting closer and closer to not needing me anymore. Thankfully, that's a long way off.

This past month has been filled with doing things to get his birthday party together. We had a photo shoot, I hired a baker, I secured catering and a pavilion at the nearby park. I juggled with some family drama that kept right up until today, the day of the party. I made some crafts for the party, I printed the pictures out, I got Kaiden's outfit together. The party was super stressful within itself, but thanks to my friends and family, we pulled it off.

I just put Kaiden to sleep, and I am sitting in the living room, absolutely exhausted, but it was well worth the stress. I loved the moment Kaiden put his whole face in his cake. Also, thank goodness for my baby carrier, because Kaiden was so upset there were so many people around, and he thought someone was going to take him from me. He only calmed down once I had him strapped in and holding his blankey.

He had his twelve month check up last week, and he lost weight (18 lbs 10 oz) and is 29 inches. Both of these are below the 20th percentile, and we have to go back in a month to get him weighed again. In the meantime, our job is to try and fatten him up some, but the doctor isn't too concerned because he is meeting and exceeding his developmental goals.

So, here are some new things Kaiden is doing:

- he signs "more" when he wants more of...anything.
- he drinks exclusively out of his sippy cup and no longer uses bottles
- he is off formula
- he is still nursing (yay!)
- he walks more than a few steps, but is still very picky about when he wants to walk
- he likes to climb
- he can point to your nose and mouth if you ask him where they are
- he has six teeth, four on the top and two on the bottom (and I think two more are coming in on the bottom)