7 DPO - Progesterone Test

Today was my 7DPO progesterone test. The nurse said that for a medicated cycle, they want to see numbers that are >20. When I called for my results, she told me that my levels were really good at over 40. Woot!

This only means that my lining is/should be good for implantation and to sustain a pregnancy...when there is one. Whee!

And this is my AM test from today, and my PM test. See anything?

AM test (the very last one)




PM Test

Lines, lines.

Here are my lines from today, compared to yesterday. It looks like they are getting darker? Or I am just making that up. 6DPO is still way too early, though, so it's probably my trigger, and I'm probably getting optimistic for nothing.

Line? Are you coming back?

Here is the test from this afternoon:



And the invert:



And a picture of this morning's test with this afternoon's test. Do you think this afternoon's is darkening?

5 DPO

Last night I couldn't get any sleep. I am still wide awake, and have been since 4:30. I think it was a combination of my cover coming out today, and the fact that I had really, really uncomfortable cramps last night.

It started out as a pulling, like something was tugging my uterus downward, and then all of the sudden, it got really painful to sit comfortably. I had to stand up and stretch, then get my heating pad so I could go back to sitting. I don't know what was going on, but it was painful, and part of me hopes that maybe it was an over-exaggerated implantation, though it's still early for that.

I took two tests yesterday, the first one was to test out my trigger (which was tested out, I thought -- but now that I keep staring at the test, I don't know), and the second was after all the cramping. Funny enough, the line came back...and I don't know why. I tested this morning and there's a faint line. I've included pictures for you to ponder about below. The top one is from yesterday morning, the bottom is from this morning.

I know I'm only 5 DPO and that's ridiculously early for a positive HPT. It's not impossible, but it's very unlikely. It takes an egg about 4-5 days to travel through the fallopian tube into the uterus, and then another day or so after that for the HCG to get into your system after implantation. But! Anything goes in this process sometimes, and women have had positive HPTs at 5 DPO.

Not that I am one of those women...but it's fun to pretend. I'm still cramping this morning, so maybe that's a good sign?

4 DPO

Did I mention how slowly this is going? Because...it's going very slowly. SPEED UP!

Yesterday, I ate everything I could get my hands on. It was disgusting. I think today will be another one of those days. I'm telling you, progesterone really messes with my body. I hate it so much! Just ten more days of taking it. Hopefully, I don't gain 20 lbs by the end of the week.

My trigger tested out today, which is a good sign! Now, if a line appears on the test, I know it's a real line and not a fake, HCG trigger line. That's about the only exciting thing that has happened. Whee.

Really, waiting sucks.

Just letting everyone know that I'm not patient, and I hate waiting. Grr.

I keep having dreams about twins, which Brandon doesn't like. I'd be happy with just one, but these dreams! They are haunting me.

I went out and bought What to Expect When You're Expecting today too. This was like my favorite book when my mom was pregnant with my siblings. I've read it front to back many times when I was like...10. The new one is pretty good and offers lots of advice for preconception as well as with dealing with depression and stuff during pregnancy. It should keep me occupied for a little while.

Tonight I start my progesterone supplements. I have to take them for 12 days, or if my period comes first. I hate them, since they make my back hurt and generally just suck. But, whatever helps!

I'm only 2 DPO. This is dragging on. The earliest you can get a positive test is 7DPO (and that's really early). I am still testing out my trigger too, which means my pregnancy tests are positive right now because the hormone from the trigger shot is still in my system. It's a mind f*ck seeing a positive pregnancy test but knowing that it's not really positive. Sucks.

Anyway. There's my update. :)

IUI Part II

Well, I just got back from the doctor and doing the IUI. I really have a good feeling about this. Instead of the 8 million washed sperm from the last time, this time we had 17 million (go Brandon!). Also, the doctor said I had THREE mature follicles that could/would ovulate, which is the max they allow. This is also awesome, since it means I could release more than one egg, which would increase my chances greatly.

Overall, it was a good appointment with good news. Now, it's on to waiting two weeks to find out if this has worked. :)

Progress!

My appointment went very well today! The doctor said almost immediately that I had a follicle ready to burst any moment, and then she mentioned a 17mm one, so I am not sure if that means there were two good ones, or that the one that was ready to burst was 17mm (which is a little small for being ready to burst). She also said there were a bunch of little ones, but no more that were significant. I hope it means I have two good follicles ready to go. Also, my left ovary seems to like to do most of the work, since this is the second time it's produced a good follicle. I always suspected the right one was a slacker.

Tomorrow will be the insemination! Then it's back to the waiting.

I know you've been waiting for an update. I promise it will come today. My appointment is at 8am, and I should know more by the end of the appointment about what is going on this week. It's been a rather boring wait with nothing significant going on aside from the bout of pneumonia, which has cleared up! Now, I'm back to work today and hoping I don't exhaust myself, since the doctor said I need to be careful about it coming back, and that I'll probably feel tired for a few weeks.

Here's hoping my ultrasound goes well and I have more than two follicles ready to go!

Pneumonia

Today was a rough day. My right ear hurt me all day long, and my cough was getting worse and making my head hurt. Just as soon as school let out, I went to the doctor, expecting to have an ear infection, since those are pretty common with me.

They took x-rays and found out instead, I have pneumonia, mostly in my right lung. Now, I'm on antibiotics and cough medicine with codeine. I am also not allowed to return to work until next Tuesday. I guess that's a bonus, except that it's more work to be out than it is to be in. I might go in tomorrow just so I can get my subplans done.

At the same time, I need to make sure I rest so that I'm set for next week's IUI. Bleh.

Clomid Round II

Just wanted to throw in another update. I did go to brunch, and I loved it, and I'm so glad that I went and I didn't let my anxiety get the best of me. I love my ladies. <3

Tomorrow, I will start my second round of Clomid...well, actually, it's my sixth round, but my second with all this IUI stuff. It'll be an upped dosage, which I'm sort of wary about since I heard the side effects are killer, and me and hormones have not been getting along. I play a delicate game when it comes to hormones, due to my depression and migraines, so I'm not looking forward to this. Coming off the progesterone gave me rebound headaches/migraines for days, so that's not been fun.

Hopefully, the Clomid doesn't do too much. I'm ready to get this started!

Feeling a Little Crushed

Well, I thought that I was getting through this recent failure okay, but a combination of things have managed to push me into a little break down last night. Now, I'm feeling horrible. Mostly, I feel broken and useless, and maybe a little alone.

I know I have people supporting me...but they are all so far away. The people who are close to me, I feel like they just don't understand, or are keeping their distance from this, which is their right. They don't have to be involved. No one does.

I'm supposed to go to a brunch tomorrow, but I don't think it's going to happen. I tried to reach out to fix something that was making me uncomfortable, but I'm not sure that it was heard. I don't think I'm in the right state of mind to endure being around another pregnant friend. Last night, I found that even being around people with small children is starting to make me upset. It just makes me think about if things would have just worked the way they were supposed to, I'd have my baby by now, and I wouldn't be going through all these doctor's appointments and hormones and medicine to get one. I'd just have one, you know?

It's really easy to say, "It'll just mean more when you do get yours," and I know wit will, but right now, that's not the right thing to say to me. I don't know what the right thing to say is. I wish I did know, and I wish it'd make the heartbreak go away. This is the one of the most awful feelings a woman can go through, and I never thought I'd have to travel this road.

I guess that's the end of my rant today at 5:30am. I had a night of pregnancy dreams that made me wake up feeling as empty as ever, and I had to get my emotions out there so they weren't all inside of me anymore. Thanks for putting up with me, those of you who do. And I'm sorry for those of you who I might be pushing away...I'm not doing it on purpose.

Ready for Round 2!

I called the doctor this morning to tell him that I've started a new cycle. The nurse told me that he's changed my plan up a little bit this month. Instead of taking 50mg of clomid, I will be on 100mg. I am not sure why, but I am guessing it's because I only had one 22mm follicle last time, and one that was probably around 18mm and didn't release an egg. His goal is to probably have more follicles ready so I have a better chance at conception. This also means a higher chance of multiples...but we don't tell Brandon that. :)

I am excited, and I'm going to stay positive. I think I will have a great birthday present awaiting me in a month. :)

18 DPO and Nothing

Well, if we were pre the existence of pregnancy tests and going off of temps alone, then a doctor would probably tell me that I was pregnant right about now. But, we are a modern people, and my tests are still negative, and I'm most likely not pregnant. The chances at this point are a whopping 1%.

How do I feel? I'm a little let down, but I'm okay. I just want the next cycle to start so we can get the process going again. I definitely hate all the waiting, and I hate it more when my chart is so pretty and perfect and pregnant-y...and I am not (well, maybe I'm pretty and perfect).

No Really...Moving On...

Negative tests this morning. I don't know why I got my hopes up. I just want this cycle to end so I can start this stupid process all over again.

Yes, I am upset. Broken. Why can't I just work the way I'm supposed to?

Moving On

I called the nurses today to ask them what the next step is in this process. She asked me if I wanted to come in for a blood or urine test, and when I told her that my urine tests were coming back negative, she said that means I am most likely not pregnant at this point. I'm going to stop the progesterone supplements and should get my period in a few days.

To throw a wrench in all this, though, I tested with an OPK today (ovulation prediction kit/test), and it came back positive...which, in a normal world, would be an indication of pregnancy since I already ovulated two weeks ago. I took a clearblue easy pregnancy test, and to the naked eye, it seemed negative, but when I tweaked it on my computer, there's a faint line. I took the strip out of the test to get a better look, and there's a faint line on it too, if you really stare at it. Now, blue dye tests are known for giving false results, so I'm not getting my hopes up...but the positive OPK? That's a good sign. I don't know why else it would be positive...my LH levels shouldn't be up /that/ high this late in the game.

Here are the pictures:

OPK (The left line has to be as dark as or darker than the right line for a positive)




ClearBlue Easy Pregnancy Test

Nothing Yet

A quick update for those of you who are checking in on the blog -- nothing yet. I'm 12 or 13 DPO with blank tests, which isn't a good sign. So, I've pretty much have resigned myself to the fact that I'll probably have to go through all of this all over again. :(