Acupuncture Visit #1

I decided to support my IVF cycle with acupuncture. I am going to a healing center that has an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility treatment and IUI/IVF support (thank you to my friend who recommended her to me!).

I feel really good about my decision, even if it's quite a drive to Owings Mills and back each week. Hopefully, it will be worth it. I'll see her once a week until the day of the embryo transfer, on which I will see her immediately before and after the treatment. After that, I'll see her once a week again until I get my positive pregnancy test.

She told me that I'm not "infertile" but "sub-fertile" and that often times, western medicine can stick labels on you that only make you more anxious and overwhelmed, which doesn't help the pregnancy process at all. So, the first thing I had to do was stop thinking of myself as being infertile.

I know that people say, "If you stop trying, it will happen." And to a fault, they are right, no matter how infuriating it is to hear someone saying "stop trying" when you've been doing everything you possibly could for fifteen months. By being labeled "infertile" I am adding an extra stressor to my life. When the body senses stress, it assumes that you are in danger, and in a woman's body, this means that it won't be optimal for pregnancy, because the body doesn't want to support a pregnancy when it is dangerous. So, getting rid of the stress through the acupuncture is part of our plan.

The second thing I have to do is to treat my body like it is already pregnant. I'm finding this to be the most difficult. I think it's because I get so bitter about not being pregnant, that it's hard to pretend like I am. The nurse at the fertility center told me to take walks every day, and I've not been doing that. I rather curl up and sleep because a little part of me wonders how pointless all of this is. It hasn't worked before...why would it work now? It's a horrible attitude to have, and thankfully I don't think about it all too much anymore. The up-side to my nurse's orders is that I have switched over to a high protein diet, so I'm hoping I see some results as far as that is concerned.

To be honest, since I've been on the birth control, I feel like I've let go of some of the stress. I am not taking my temperature every morning, I know that it doesn't matter when or if I ovulate this cycle, and I'm not spending two, agonizing weeks lamenting over pregnancy tests. It's just been very liberating on top of being very frustrating because now I wish I could foster this attitude and give myself a chance to conceive naturally...but the birth control kind of puts a damper on things.

I keep checking the calender and looking at how far away everything still is. I have two more weeks of birth control pills before I start lupron, then a week of so of that before I start my stims. And then, I have ten days of stims before I go in for my egg retrieval. It all seems so very far away, and it's hard to keep everything in perspective. My therapist keeps telling me to find something to do for myself and for Brandon during this time, and to enjoy our days without children. This has also been very difficult to do, especially when everyone around you is having babies or getting pregnant, and I am being left behind...or at least it feels that way.

I try to focus on the positives, though. So, here's a list of my positives:

1. I am preparing my body so that it is optimal for pregnancy.
2. I have time to spend with my husband that isn't hampered by a new baby.
3. If my IVF cycle is successful, my due date will be around Brandon's birthday.
4. Hopefully, with diet and exercise, I lose the mysterious weight I've been gaining.
5. I have a blessed, stable marriage and profession that can support a family.
6. I have direction in my life.
7. I have goals I strive toward.
8. I have a husband who loves me. Truly, honestly loves me.
9. I have a girl's name picked out, but no boy's name. Brandon and I are working on it!
10. I have a roof over my head. A roof that belongs to the house that we own.
11. I am mentally in a better place than I was a year ago when we first started trying.
12. I have the support of my family and friends, and I don't need to hide anything from them.


Anyway. This post is brought to you by not being able to sleep at 4am. I should get back into bed. :)