Pre-Beta Part II

When I got to the clinic, I was a little more emotional than I wanted to be. Thankfully, my favorite nurse, Nurse A. was the one who was going to take my blood and talk to me about the next steps.

She could see it written all over my face that I was hurting. I could tell by the way she looked back at me, and by the tone of her voice. She asked me what was going on, and I told her that I'm pretty sure it didn't work. She asked if I got my period, and I told her that I didn't, but my tests were all negative. Her reply, of course, was that there is still a chance, to which I responded that I wasn't getting my hopes up over it. This is when I had to stop myself from crying.

She took my blood, and then asked me if I remembered what the plan was for moving forward. I knew the plan for if the beta comes back positive -- all I have to do is continue the progesterone. But, I told her that I didn't remember what the plan was for if it was negative, since she explained it to me as I was waking up from surgery. That made her laugh.

Basically, the plan is the same as my plan. I will start metformin right away, and I have to focus on losing weight. I asked her about the ER and what went wrong, and she looked at my chart and counted that I had seven mature follicles, so there should have been seven eggs. I asked her what causes the follicles to be empty, and she pretty much said that my weight and PCOS is a factor. So, while it sucks that I messed up my cycles by being overweight, it is also something that I CAN FIX, and make better.

So, she gave me some tips, pretty much to keep eating high protein and to work out regularly. She told me to eat lots of grilled chicken. Haha. Then she said that she's seen women go on breaks lots of times and come back to the clinic pregnant on their own, and that she hopes that happens to me. That I have to be as motivated now as I was before, and to get this ball rolling.

Then she gave me a hug.

I managed not to cry until I got into my car. Then, Florence + The Machine came on my ipod, and there's a part of the song that says "I'm not giving up, I'm just giving in." That's how I feel right now. I'm not giving up on this...I'm just giving in to the fact that it will happen when it should happen, and it's out of my hands until then. All I can do is focus on the weight loss and getting myself healthy again...and it will happen.