Another Picture to Feast On

This is a picture of a test from today. The top test is the pregnancy test, the bottom test is the ovulation test (just to show you where the line should be).

I'm being cautiously optimistic still, especially since I can't see to get that line on the HPT to appear on other tests of the same kind. I'll stop by Walgreens today and pick up some different tests. I want to be excited, but I don't want to feel crushed should nothing happen.

Still Waiting

For those of you who keep checking back in here for any news...I'm still waiting. I'm 9 DPO today, and only 15% of women get a positive HPT on 9 DPO. I am not one of those women. I'm trying not to get upset, since I'd really like to see that line by now. My temps are doing just fine. In fact, today, I thought it's gone up a lot, but I got up early and interrupted my sleep, and now I don't know.

It's going to be a long day. Scratch that...a long week. And it's either going to turn out good or bad...and I'm not quite sure I'm ready to deal with it if it comes out bad.

Progesterone

My blood test came back today, and the nurse said that my progesterone levels were "a little low." So, now I have to take progesterone supplements. Whee. More stuff to take and put my body through!

This certainly is a lot of work. It better pay off with a baby. :<

Some Pictures

This is the part of the TWW where I take lots of pictures of my tests and analyze them on the computer. Don't worry -- I am not crazy. A lot of TTC people do this, so I thought I'd share the madness.

This first picture is a series of my trigger test outs.



As you can see, on the left hand side, the tests are positive. Then they get fainter and fainter and go away all together. That last test is today's test, and I can see maybe a little something there, but it's really, really faint.

So, here's a closer picture of that last test, tweaked a little bit.



I am not sure if this is still the trigger or not. It's very early in the two week wait, still, but my trigger /did/ test out...and there shouldn't be anything on that test unless it's the real deal! Again, I could be seeing things.

I guess we'll wait until tomorrow and see if it gets darker!

Symptoms?

I know, I know. It's really early. Probably too early, but there are women who swear they've had symptoms earlier than 5 DPO (days past ovulation). I don't know if mine are just left over from my trigger shot (which wore off already) or what, but this is what I've been experiencing the last few days:

3 DPO: back cramps, nausea (especially in the car), increased hunger, PEANUT BUTTER CRAVING!
4 DPO: increased hunger, peanut butter craving, tired, hot flashes (at night)
5 DPO: twingy cramps, tired, increased hunger

My temp went way up today, from a 98.2 to a 98.7, which is also a great sign. I'm trying not to get too excited, but I've never had all these strange symptoms before, and I'm hoping it's not solely because of the trigger shot.

Tomorrow, I get more blood work done, this time to check on my progesterone to see if I need to be on medicine until I (hopefully do not) get my period. Let's be positive -- I mean, until I get pregnant. :)

The Two Week Wait Sucks

But what sucks more is the two positive pregnancy tests in front of me. False positive. I still have the hormone in me from the trigger shot, and I have to keep testing until the line goes away -- which is horrible when I WANT THAT LINE SO MUCH.

I'm afraid to get my hopes up. I really am. I want this wait to be over with. :<

Another Ultrasound

My ultrasound today went well. It showed that I definitely did ovulate, so now we wait. Yay waiting!

IUI Day

Today, I woke up at 5 am, I was too excited and couldn't sleep. I also woke up to about two inches of crappy snow on the ground, which freaked me out at first because I thought that being the way Maryland is, that they were going to shut everything down and call it a state emergency. Thankfully, this did not happen, and our appointment remained at 8am, as usual.

When we got there, Brandon was first up to do his thing. When that was over with, we went out to breakfast while they "washed" the sperm. This is a process that gets rid of all the dysfunctional sperm and saves the good ones. Usually, they shoot for gathering 2 million good sperm from one collection. Brandon managed to get 8 million good sperm! So, we are already off to a good start.

Brandon came back into the room with me for the first time. That was kind of funny. He cracked jokes the whole time (like Brandon does), which made me less nervous. First, the lab nurse came in with a paper and a vial, and I had to identify the vial, confirm it was from my husband, and then I had to hold it to keep "them" warm until it was go time.

The doctor gave me an ultrasound and determined that I didn't ovulate quite yet, but it would be okay because I'd probably ovulate tomorrow, and the sperm stay in your system, on average, for 3 to 5 days. Your best chances of conception happen the day before and the day of ovulation. This just means that Brandon and I will have to do things the old fashioned way tomorrow to double our chances of this being a successful venture!

After the ultrasound was the actual artificial insemination, which was slightly uncomfortable, but Brandon comforted me until it was over. I think he thought it was more painful than it is, since, let's face it, no one looks comfortable or at rest when their feet are up in stirrups and a team of doctors is in between your legs with syringes and catheters and what have you.

I had to remain lying down for five minutes, and when time was up, we could leave. I came home and took a two and a half hour nap, the whole thing exhausted me so much. Tomorrow, I get to wake up and go right back to the fertility center for another ultrasound to confirm ovulation, and then I will have to be patient for about a week until they will check for a pregnancy.

Of course, during that week, I'm going to be checking myself. I have to "test out" my trigger (of the pregnancy hormone) so that I know when it is out of my system, so I don't get any false positives. So, for the next week, I'll be peeing on sticks regardless, and pretending that my positive tests mean something. ;)

Thank you for all the support this week, everyone! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We're ready for this.

Follies Are Good to Go!

My left ovary's follicle measured 22mm today, which is perfect. They didn't tell me how much the other one grew, but I'm hoping that it will release an egg too so I have a better chance at hitting gold here.

The nurse gave me my HCG shot in my tummy. This is the pregnancy hormone. It will force my body to ovulate within the next 48 hours so that we can time insemination, which is tomorrow! Brandon and I will go to the center at 8:30am, go back again at 11am, and will probably be out of there by noon and then my waiting game (otherwise known as the "two week wait") begins.


I already feel so positive about this.

Ultrasound #2

I went in today to have my second ultrasound done. This is to check to see if my follicles are big enough to force ovulation with a trigger (of pregnancy hormone) shot.

Drum roll please...

My left ovary has a mature follicle at 18mm, and my right ovary has one at 12mm. They have to get to about 22mm, so I go in again for another ultrasound on Friday, then we do the IUI on Saturday. :)

The pharmacy almost got their necks rung out today since they ALMOST forgot my shot again. Thankfully, the pharmacist forgot that he put it in the refrigerator. I was seriously going to jump over that counter and punch someone in the eye.

More Pharmacy Drama

Tomorrow is my second ultrasound. I need to bring my hcg trigger in with me. A week ago, I had that prescription transferred from Walgreens to RiteAid. The pharmacist told me, as she was filling my clomid script, that the injection would take a couple of days to come in, to which I replied, "That is okay, I don't need it for a few days anyway."

So, when I went in today to pick it up, I was annoyed when she said they did not have it. She didn't order it yet. She said that I said that I didn't need it right away. Then, I so nicely reminded her that I said that A WEEK AGO.

Anyway, I won't have my trigger shot for tomorrow's appointment. Hopefully, this means that I can pick it up later and inject the shot at home (which is also normal). I had a horrible day today, and I am hoping all the back luck has bubbled up to the top of Tuesday and it leaves Wednesday alone.

Wish me luck tomorrow.

Something Scary

The process I am going through is the same process Kate Gosslin went through when she conceived her sextuplets. Many people think she did IVF, or in-vitro, but what really happened was that she was going through an IUI process, and her ovaries over-stimulated, and the doctor called off the insemination.

Kate and Jon went home and did it themselves, and the rest is history.

You have to be REALLY lucky for six eggs to fertilize all at one time. Just sayin'.

Pharmacy DRAMA

Today, after realizing I had to start my clomid and didn't have any, I called up the RE office and asked the nurses if they were going to call it in. Their response? "What, you weren't given it before you left?" No. No, I wasn't. That is why I am calling you. THANKS.

They called my prescription in, and I drove to Walgreens after school so I could go get it. Turns out, though, that Walgreens can no longer fill my prescriptions due to a policy change with my RX coverage. So, I have to get my scripts transferred to another pharmacy.

Back in my car I go.

I drive over to Rite Aid and explain the whole situation to them. They say they will take care of it. 20 minutes later, it is still not taken care of. Just when it is, the pharmacist tells me that the Clomid is not covered by insurance. I say that's not true because I've been through four, insured rounds of it. So, she calls up, and lo-and-behold...it's not covered. Good thing is? Clomid is only like $20. So, I pay for it and get out of there and head back home.

I picked up a pregnancy test on the way home too because my temperatures still haven't dropped, even though my period ended. Your temp usually drops the day before or the day of your period starting. Mine has stayed way up. I think it's the progesterone that I had to take (since that is the hormone that raises your basal body temperature to support a baby). Anyway. I wanted to make sure, since it might have been some miracle...but I'm not lucky enough for that. The test was negative.

It's okay, though. I'm on a new journey now.

On Friday morning, I have to go get blood work done. A glucose tolerance test to be exact. I have to fast through the night and morning and then go in and drink some crap and get blood drawn. Depending on the results, I may have to take other medicine during this process. I have to research that more, and then I can get back to everyone on what that's about. I know it has to do with my PCOS (some people with PCOS are glucose resistant or something), and I'm wondering if maybe if has to do with my weight gain as well.

I'll keep everyone updated!

Baseline Ultrasound

I forgot to post about the baseline that I had to get on Sunday! It was my first ultrasound that I've ever had done; it's just a shame that it wasn't being done for what it usually is. I was sort of wishing they'd just be like, "Well, Stephanie, there's no need to do any of this because you are already pregnant!" But...no luck.

Baselines are strange. Especially when you go in there and realize that they aren't using the outer Doppler for the ultrasound, but they are using the gigantic, seven inch probe sheathed with a condom instead. Great. Thankfully, the nurse informed me that "only an inch goes in." ...okay.

In either case, it wasn't very uncomfortable. A baseline is just to check and make sure that your ovaries don't have any significant cysts on them before you start your clomid treatment. Clomid has a tenancy to make cysts worst/bigger, so people with PCOS generally have to be monitored while on the medicine. Granted, I took clomid for four months without being monitored...but I also developed cysts from that, so, maybe doing it this way will be better.

My ultrasound came out clear. The nurse said I will start the clomid tomorrow (Cycle day/CD 5). I'll take it until CD 9, and then on the 18th, I'll go back in for another ultrasound to see if I have any mature follicles. If so, then we can move on to the next steps...the hcg shot and the insemination. Woot!

I'm feeling very optimistic. Stay optimistic with me, people.

Day 1: I think

Well, I started to spot last night into this morning. I called up the fertility center and told them, and the nurse told me that if it picks up, to call her back, and either tomorrow or Monday she'll arrange my baseline ultrasound. She'll also call in my Clomid.

I'm excited, and I'm going to stay positive through this cycle. I have to.

Yay new cycle! New chance!

I hate all the waiting!

Provera run is over. Now I have to wait for nature to do its thing, and then it's right onto clomid and the journey begins.

Why Your Being Pregnant Sucks and Makes Me Mad

Okay, maybe this post is a little insensitive. Or at least, the title is. But, part of me just doesn't care. It makes me sad and bitter when I see other pregnant women. It makes me question myself and my failure to function as a woman is supposed to. Why can't it come so easily to me too? Why couldn't I come back from my honeymoon with good news to share later? Why do I have to jump through all these hoops to get something that should just occur naturally to me.

I don't know the answers.

But, I do know that as much as I am trying to be happy for my friends and others, at the end of the day...I'm not. And I won't be until I can overcome this hardship. Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but it's how I feel none-the-less. My sister told me I have a choice in if I'm bitter or not, but I don't believe it for two reasons: a) she has no idea what I am going through, and b) how could I NOT be bitter?

So, this is my bitter post. I am sorry for ranting.