Okay, maybe this post is a little insensitive. Or at least, the title is. But, part of me just doesn't care. It makes me sad and bitter when I see other pregnant women. It makes me question myself and my failure to function as a woman is supposed to. Why can't it come so easily to me too? Why couldn't I come back from my honeymoon with good news to share later? Why do I have to jump through all these hoops to get something that should just occur naturally to me.
I don't know the answers.
But, I do know that as much as I am trying to be happy for my friends and others, at the end of the day...I'm not. And I won't be until I can overcome this hardship. Maybe that makes me selfish. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but it's how I feel none-the-less. My sister told me I have a choice in if I'm bitter or not, but I don't believe it for two reasons: a) she has no idea what I am going through, and b) how could I NOT be bitter?
So, this is my bitter post. I am sorry for ranting.
I feel the exact same way. I think most of us in this situation do, but feel guilty saying it. It is not a choice and I've stopped feeling bad about it. Trying to act happy for other people is the hardest thing in the world for me (especially when so many people around me have gotten pregnant effortlessly), but I do my best. You can't, however, force yourself to truly feel something you don't.
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