What Now?

So, I disappeared for a good day or two. This was good for me. I know I left you with a bomb of a post, but I was emotionally distressed, which all came to a head yesterday when I had a nice little nervous breakdown. But, I am feeling much better now. Mostly.

Except the fact that I've been nauseous and light-headed all day long. It started in the morning at school. I was so sure I was going to puke all over my classroom that I grabbed paper towels and moved the trashcan closer to my desk. I was shaking too. I forced myself to eat my mangoes for lunch and drink some water, which stopped the shaking, but the nausea continued and still continues now. I don't have a temperature.

I stopped the progesterone and estrogen on Monday, after it was confirmed that I wasn't pregnant. I have never felt this way after stopping progesterone before, but at the same time, I've also never been on estrogen, so I'm curious if maybe withdrawing from the estrogen is what is making me feel sick? I don't know. It's just a theory.

Or, maybe it's some left over effects from my meltdown yesterday. I woke up with a headache this morning, then slept for another hour or so, and it went away for a little while, then started to come back. I took some excedrin and then it disappeared for good.

Anyway. Enough of that. You may be asking "what now?"

I think part of why I was so upset yesterday was because I hadn't come to that decision yet. The doctor suggested doing a brand new, fresh transfer. His theory is that now that he could see what was going on, and how I responded, that he believes I'm just a slow responder, and he would like to do the same protocol with lower doses over a longer period of time. Okay. I get that. I understand it. But, I do not want to do it.

So, I decided that I will prepare myself for a FET, or a frozen embryo transfer. I would like to transfer two this time, to increase my chances of pregnancy, since I have not managed to get pregnant after transferring two embryos on day two, one embryo on day two, and one blastocyst on day five. That pretty much bumps me into the category of "advanced maternal age" women as far as suggestions on how many to transfer back for the best chance of success. I think Dr. Y. will probably agree with transferring two back, if he doesn't suggest it to me first, that is.

I am happy with this decision, and I'm confident in it because I've also been doing lots of research about estrogen levels and successful implantation. I think this would be best, since my body can "even out" and my hormones won't be out of whack.

There are two options for FETs, a natural FET and a medicated one. A natural FET allows the woman to ovulate on her own and produce her own hormones. This sounds good, except that my cycles aren't normal, and I don't always ovulate on my own -- which is the whole cause of my infertility. Unless they gave me Clomid, it'd be anyone's guess on how long my cycle would actually be.

A medicated FET would mean that I'd have to take estrogen and progesterone, and start out the cycle with birth control pills, most likely. I'd also take Lupron or an antagonist shot to stop myself from ovulating. Yes, that means more needles, but it is way, way less than what I was doing before. I'm okay with this. It also means way less appointments, as I'll only go in a couple of times to make sure I'm not ovulating, and to see if my lining is thick enough to transfer.

I will know more about this when I talk with my nurse, and she can speak with my doctor. I have to call her when my new cycle begins, which should happen tomorrow. My temperature has gone from 98.8 to 98.3 in the last two days, so it's bound to end sometime.

And then we move forward. :)


Thank you for all of your support, and please understand that sometimes I write my posts while in a heightened emotional state. That's what my blog is here for -- to document ALL of my journey, even the sad, irrational parts that I wish weren't a part of it.