Pre Beta Day

I took off tomorrow. Although I am feeling a little better about the fact that this didn't work, I still wanted to have the day to myself. This way, I can grieve and not have to put on a happy face the whole day, while my heart is breaking.

I don't think I am going to take my progesterone shot tonight. There really isn't a point. I used my last digital test this morning, and the oh-so-rejecting words "NOT PREGNANT" showed up. You know, just to remind me by kicking me in my gut that I am still not pregnant.

Sometimes, I go into a dark and bitter place. [Edited to remove this part due to continued melodrama. This is my blog, not yours. This post is about me, not you.]

And then I get even more bitter that more friends of mine are getting pregnant, and I'm being left behind...watching their happiness while I suffer in my sorrow. Sometimes, it is so hard to be happy for others when you are just so sad inside.

We are now going on 26 months of trying to conceive. 26 months ago, I thought this was going to be easy. I could have a two year old by now. Instead, I have nothing to show for but these blog posts and an empty dream that feels like it is never going to happen.


I know I need to remain positive, but sometimes, it is too difficult.