Also...

I just wanted to get this out somewhere, since it's been echoing in my mind since yesterday.

I was sitting in my therapist's office waiting to be seen. I got there pretty early, so I brought a book to read. I get all snugged in with my book, and the three other women in there get to talking about knitting. Then they start talking about their kids -- all of these women are at the office with their children, who are back with other doctors.

So, one of the women starts going on about her moody teenagers, and the other women says that she's not there yet, since her two boys are only seven. So the first mother says, "Wow, twins. How old is your daughter then?" To which the second mother says, "Oh, they are actually triplets. Two boys and one girl." The third mother replies, "Wow, that must be hard."

Now, in my head, I'm thinking to myself, "She probably went through IVF, where boy/boy/girl triplets are commonplace when multiples happen." That's how my brain works. So, for a moment, I think this is sweet. She got her babies.

But then the second mother replied, "It's hard, but it's better than being empty."

And that is when tears came, and I had to leave the waiting room.

No woman should ever know what it feels like to "be empty."

It is a horrible, horrible feeling.

And I remembered right then just how desperately and terribly empty I feel sometimes.

So if, by chance, twins do happen from this transfer, and if I ever get scared about it being hard, I'm going to remember what that woman said: It's hard, but it's better than being empty.

Anything is better than being empty.