8dp2dt: Crampy and Out of Breath

Some interesting things have happened to me today. Firstly, toward the middle of the day, I started to cramp up really badly and my back hurt like hell. I was about to call the doctor, but I didn't want them to think I was stupid, so I didn't (and sort of regret it). It was uncomfortable to stand up, and I had to stay slightly stooped over to relieve it. I still feel crampy now, but it isn't as bad as before.

Then, I went to acupuncture, and I was really hoping she'd tell me that she thinks I'm pregnant by my pulse (which you can tell if you are trained in pulse reading). Instead, she told me my pulse was rapid, and I told her that I was feeling out of breath too. She said that rapid pulse means I have more "hot" energy. I went home and looked this up and found out that pregnancy is a "hot" condition. I also found this article which speaks about rapid pulse and shortness of breath in pregnancy, and how for some women, their pulse will pick up the moment they become pregnant.

I'm feeling very hopeful about this. I've never had cramps like this before, not ever, and the information from the acupuncturist was really helpful.

Here's a picture of my tests from today (the two bottom ones). Some people are saying the second to the last one is darker than the one above it (which is a great sign), but I am not sold. What I am curious about is that the tests aren't fading like they should be (another great sign!). We will see what it does tomorrow morning.

6dp2dt or 8 DPO

I had more bloodwork done today. The result was that the nurse wants me to take a "booster" shot of hcg tonight, and increase my progesterone dosage to twice a day instead of once a day. I guess my progesterone isn't doing so great.

I tested again this morning and was sad to see no line at all compared to the faint line I had the day before. When I came home and tested in the afternoon, though, I got another line, and this one, I think, is darker than the one from yesterday. Here are some pictures to compare and obsess over:

Here's yesterday's test (top) with today's test (bottom):

And here is this morning's test (top) with this afternoon's test (bottom):

What do you think?

5dp2dt or 7DPO

The blog has been quiet, I know. I've been away on vacation, trying not to analyze every little twinge and cramp and this constantly exhausted state that I am in. Since the transfer, everything has been going okay for the most part. I am off all shots. Yay! Instead, I am taking progesterone suppositories, which are so much less involved than the shot, called PIO, or progesterone-in-oil. I have two rather large bruises on my butt from that needle, so I am glad to be done with it.

Tomorrow, I go in for mid-cycle bloodwork. That's not really eventful. On Thursday, I will see my acupuncturist, and I am curious if she'll be able to tell I am pregnant through my pulse by that time. I'll be 9dp2dt (Nine days past a two day transfer), or 11DPO, so she should be able to pick up on it by then.

I didn't test out my trigger like I was intending to, mostly because I forgot my tests at home while I was on vacation. I came home and tested today and got this:

It's the faintest of positives, but it's most likely still my hcg trigger. We will see if it gets any darker tomorrow, which would be a wonderfully-promising sign.

Keep keeping us in your thoughts and prayers!

Embryo Transfer

Today was transfer day. It was pretty non-eventful, really. All I did was go in, put on a hospital gown, gave permission for that pre-med student from Tuesday to be there, and then Dr. P. put the embryos in me.

Here are my embryos, Petunia and Daisy:

And here I am after they have been transferred: 

After this, I went to acupuncture and had a nice little nap. Now I should be on bed rest until tonight. So, to bed I go!

The Phone Call

The embryologist, Kim, called me today around 8:40am. I waited so nervously for the phone call, and as soon as I picked up and she said hello, I knew it would be good news. She sounded too pleasant to not have good news.

She told me that out of my three eggs, all three fertilized, but the third one fertilized with FOUR sperm, so that one was discarded. This means I have two embryos. Two little mes and the husband floating around in a petry dish at the moment. It's amazing to think about. Kim said that my transfer is going to be tomorrow now, and not Friday, because they want to get the embryos back in me as soon as possible.

Kim also explained something that bothers me, and that is that on the 21st, they were able to see through my bloodwork that my progesterone was rising, and that I was going to ovulate. That means they KNEW BEFORE HAND that I was going to ovulate, and they didn't try to get me in there any sooner than Tuesday morning. I could have had more eggs and could have avoided all the pain if they would have called me in sooner. She said that they use 60cc syringes to withdraw the fluid from the ovaries, and that they filled up a SYRINGE AND A HALF of fluid from my ovaries...which was not normal. She also said they tried to recover eggs from the ovulated fluid, but they couldn't find any.

Anyway. Whatever. I have my two embryos now, and I have to focus on making them happy so they stick inside of me and grow into a baby. Or two. Just don't mention that to the husband, it makes him nervous. ;)

Officially, also, I am naming my embryos: Petunia and Daisy. Muahahaha.

Egg Retrieval and Post Egg Retrieval

Brandon and I got to the clinic a little early this morning, but they were running behind anyway, so we ended up having to wait an extra fifteen minutes anyway. Dr. B. took us back to her office to review what was going to happen today as far as procedures go and all that jazz. We signed another permission form, then she took me back to the IVF section of the clinic, which I never even knew existed. I kissed Brandon goodbye, and we parted ways at the doors.

In the mini-hospital section of the clinic, I was taken to a small room to change into a hospital gown. The nurse took my vitals, then another nurse came in to have me fill out some paper work, and then the anesthesiologist came in to tell me how that would work...and after he came in, the embryologist came in to introduce herself as my "egg babysitter." She told me she'd call me tomorrow morning to tell me how my eggs are doing. Sounds good!

After all the doctors came in, another nurse came back to me and showed me to the operating room. I had to give special permission to let a med student back there to watch the procedure, which at that point, I've lost all my dignity anyway, may as well have one more person in there looking at my business, right?

I got up on the table and they covered me up with a nice, warm blanket. The anesthesiologist had a hard time finding a vein to use for my IV line, which the nurses apparently warned him of ahead of time. He spent a lot of time checking my left arm, then ended up using a vein on the inside of my right arm. He told me, "This is our secret vein. Don't tell the nurses." Haha. Then he injected the IV with the sleepy meds and stood over my head and said, "Things are going to get blurry now..." Long pause. "Because I'm going to take off your glasses."

I liked that guy.

Sometime after he took off my glasses, all I remember is the nurse telling me that she's going to put my legs up now, and that was the end of that. I was out cold. Zzz.

When I woke up, I was in the recovery room, and I came too rather quickly. I also felt wonderful, which was a relief, because I thought I'd wake up feeling sick or something. But no, I was good! And then, things suddenly weren't so great.

The nurse came over to the side of my bed, leaned down and said, "They were only able to get three eggs."

Three eggs.

Just yesterday, the doctor was telling me that we should get between 10 and 12 eggs...and they were only able to get three. I was crushed, and I wanted to cry, and it was really easy for me to cry while being loopy on medicine, but I didn't cry. She said that I probably ovulated on my own before this, and only three eggs were left over. Next, the doctor came out and told me the same thing, to which I replied, "I was worried this would happen because with my last IUI, I ovulated less than twenty-four hours after the trigger." She asked me if I was crampy before this, and I told her that I was my most uncomfortable this morning.

The next person to visit me was the embryologist, who assured me that my three little eggs were good little eggs, and that she'd watch them good.

I still wanted to cry. I want to cry now, in fact. But I've not cried. I'm trying to be strong. I'm trying to tell myself that these three eggs will make it to the embryo stage, and then they will make it to Friday. I have to stay positive. It's all I have left at this point, really.

Three is a lucky number...right?

Egg Retrieval Morning

Today is the day of my egg retrieval. I've woken up in lots of pain and discomfort. My ovaries are protesting, and I can hardly walk. I guess it's a good thing I'm going in today, because I don't think I'd be able to make it through another day of this. I'm hungry and getting cranky, and I won't be able to eat anything until after the surgery.

Wish me luck! I'll update when I am back home and know more about how the procedure went.

Trigger Triggered

I had to trigger last night at 10pm. That means I had to actually stay up until 10pm, but thankfully, it was a Game of Thrones night, so it wasn't too hard.

The shot went over well. I mixed it up and gave it to my husband, who started out holding it like a dart. I told him he is not going to jab me in my butt holding the needle like that, but he insisted! So, I turned around, stood pigeon-toed and wiggled my toes like the nurse instructed me to. This relaxes your butt muscles, apparently. Then the husband stabbed me with the needle...but in reality, he was very gentle and I didn't really feel anything at all.

Now that it is the day after, though...my ovaries are so heavy and uncomfortable. I can't wait for it to be tomorrow. Today, I'm wearing my sweat-pant capris to work because I'm so uncomfortable. I look cute, regardless. :)

I have another appointment this morning for yet another ultrasound (which are becoming uncomfortable) and more blood work. I can't wait until I don't have to drive there every morning.

Trigger Night!

This morning, the nurse scared me by suggesting that they might have me "coast" a day because of my E2 levels. This annoyed me because it would mean I'd have to wait an extra day, and my ER would be pushed back until Wednesday. That, and the doctor said the day before that it was looking like I could trigger on Sunday. I worried about it all morning until noon, when I called in and got the go-ahead to trigger tonight. Yay!

My ER will definitely be on Tuesday, and my transfer on Friday. And I decided to take off Tuesday-Friday during the whole process because I have no idea how my body is going to react to the surgery and what have you. That, and I need to be as stress-free as I can be so I have the best chances of my embryos implanting.

We will see how good Brandon is at putting needles into my buttocks. It won't be the first one, unfortunately. The progesterone shots are also intramuscular and go into the bottom. Blah.

Last Round of Stims! YAY!

I just finished my last (fingers crossed) round of stims. I had to switch from two shots to three shots tonight, but it should be the last time I do them if I trigger tomorrow.

One more phase of this process is done!

One More Day of Stims

Had to go to the doctor again today at 8:30 in the morning. It's how I love to start out my day!

Had blood drawn again, and then had an ultrasound. The doctor said my ovaries were sitting right next to each other, which they call "kissing ovaries." She amuses me. Anyway, the scan looked okay, but they needed to wait on my blood work to determine if I would trigger with hcg tonight or tomorrow night, therefore making my retrieval either Monday or Tuesday.

I was really hoping for Monday, but when I called back for my results, they told me that I needed just one more day of stims, and I would trigger tomorrow. So, I am taking a lower dose of just half of what I was taking before, and that will be that with the stims. Yay!

So tomorrow, I will be bringing my shot with me to Philadelphia since I will probably be there until the night time, and Brandon will have to inject it into my butt cheek. That should be mildly interesting.

I'm not sure what I am going to do as far as work is concerned next week. I am planning on taking off the day of the retrieval (obviously, since it's surgery), and the day after to recover properly -- so that is Tuesday and Wednesday, then go back Thursday and take off Friday? I mean...I may as well just take the week off, really. It'd probably be less stressful and more beneficial for the transfer...but I don't know. Leaving my students alone for a week scares me.

Guess what? Another Ultrasound and Bloodwork!

Hooray, right?

Ultrasound showed 12+ follicles, with the 12 ranging from 15mm to 22mm. That's some good stuff right there. I go back AGAIN tomorrow for ANOTHER ultrasound and MORE blood work.

I told the nurse today to not even bother trying to find a vein in my arm. We went straight to the hand today. Yay.

I also went to the neurologist today to talk about what I should do with my migraine medicine. The verdict is that I should stop it for the good of any future fetus. I will wean myself off it this week.

Also, my feet and ankles are swelling again. This is after having pretty much been on my feet all day long:

Realizing This Isn't Normal

Yesterday, I ran into one of my first injection dilemmas. I had a writing meeting to go to that started around 5 (if I were to go to dinner), or 6 (if I skipped dinner). I take my injections at 7pm. There is only supposed to be an +/- hour difference, if any, between shots. And so, I had to decide if I wanted to go to the meeting and bring all my injects with me, or skip it for the third time in a row and go with my husband to our friend Adam's instead. In the end, I went to Adam's and brought my injects there, since I felt much more comfortable mixing the medicines and stuff in my friend's house, than in the bathroom of a library (which I'd have to have done if I went to the meeting).

While trying to decide this, I had a little breakdown. I realized just how abnormal all of this is, and how unfair it is that I have to be going through it when other women just get to become pregnant on their own. I have bruises and veins that won't cooperate anymore, and appointments every morning, and ultrasounds and this that and the other...and it's so much. This is so much.

The end result will be worth it. That is what I try to keep in mind. All these damned appointments and needles will be worth it. But that doesn't make it any more unfair. I have to be honest and say that I am so over IVF at this point...but I have a few more days to go before I transition into the next stage of the game: the two week wait.

Hopefully, I have a bit of a break from all these appointments during that time. I need some time to put my head back on straight.

More Bloodwork! YAY!

I am growing weary of all this blood work crap. So-much-so that the nurse said my veins are getting tired, and that is why they are having a hard time sticking me and finding one. Today, I was stuck again on my arm, then she couldn't find the vein and it had to go back into my hand. Ugh. I'm all bruises. Really. This is what I look like:

I look like a heroine addict -- at least, that's what Brandon says. Thanks honey!

Ultrasound and Bloodwork Again

The ultrasound turned out great. The doctor said I have at least a good dozen follicles that are of a good size. He didn't tell me the measurements of the follicles, though, so I just have that to go off of. It's strange to think about that with my IUIs, I was hoping for 2-3 good follicles, and now I have /12/. That's nutso.

My bloodwork wasn't great, though. The nurse said my e2 (estridol) levels are too high and they are concerned. I gathered it would be high based off the first draw. I stupidly forgot to ask for numbers again, but will try and get them tomorrow. She kept me on the lower dosage of Gonal-F and Menopur and told me to come back for another blood draw tomorrow morning. So, I guess I'll be doing that.

I'm a little worried. If my e2 keeps rising, it could mean I am getting OHSS (Ovary Hyper Stimulation Syndrome), which could get pretty bad. Probably not bad enough to be put into the hospital, but it could get that bad. It would also mean possibly cancelling the IVF cycle, which would make me very, very upset. I want to at least get to my egg retrieval so I can get my eggies out of there.

The doctor mentioned my my ER (egg retrieval) should be early next week, Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. I think it'll probably be Monday, which means my ET (egg transfer) will be on Wednesday or Thursday. I am thinking I might take off the day after the ER to give my body a chance to calm down, then go to work, then take off for my ET.

It's a lot of taking off, but I gave them a heads up, so hopefully, they won't be too mad. :/

Day Five of Injects: Owie.

This is what one half of my tummy looks like after all of these damned shots. Excuse my ugly tummy too:

Tomorrow is my next ultrasound and bloodwork. I am hoping they tell me I only have to stim for a couple more days and we can move on. I'm also hoping they don't tell me that I'm hyper-stimulated. That would be bad news.

Bloodwork #2

I was supposed to have an ultrasound and bloodwork done today, but when I got there, they informed me I was only having bloodwork done. Okay. Whatevs!

I woke up this morning feeling much like a balloon. I am bloated and I can feel my ovaries are bigger than they should be. When I got to the doctor's, the nurse asked me how I was feeling, and I told her I felt like I was bloated. She said back to me, "Oh no, not yet." Like you know how I feel, Ms. Nurse.

Okay, fine. I don't feel bloated. Whatever. The blood draw took two seconds and I was out the door.

I had to call back at 1pm for my results, which I did. The same nurse tells me that they are going to lower my Menopur and Gonal-F dosage down to 75 mg. Why? Well, my estridol levels should be between 200-400, but she told me that I was "responding very well" and my levels were 751.

751!!!!

Wtf.

This means that I have lots of follicles (or it should mean that), but if it keeps going up so quickly, that I could be over-stimulating, which will possibly mean a canceled cycle. And I will be very upset if that is the case.

So, here is hoping my ovaries slow down a little bit. I go back on Wednesday for an ultrasound and bloodwork. At least then I can see how many follicles there are.

Oy.

Bloat-ed.

So, this is the IVF bloat that everyone talks about. I woke up this morning feeling like a freaking buoy. My ovaries feel like they are going to explode. I hope this isn't bad news. :/ I go in this morning for my ultrasound and bloodwork, so I'll update when I find out more.

Ugh.

Mother's Day

Today stings.

But, I love my mother and my step-mother, and thank them for all they've done for me and continue to do for me. <3

I got it down, I think. Maybe?

Today, I combined the Gonal-F and the Menopur together so I'd only have to give myself two shots and not three. Everything went over well, though I made myself bleed again with the Lupron shot. Strange!

Eight more days to go.

First Day of Injects

I thought I'd document for those of you who are following me through this journey. WARNING: There is some blood. A little bit.

First, I thought I'd have to do this all at Brandon's grandmother's house, but thankfully, we got home at around 7pm, which is when I want to do my injects. So, no shooting up in Grandma's bathroom. Bonus!

So, here's what I start out with:

In this picture, you see on the far left the Gonal-F, the little box is Lupron, the bottle of pills is baby aspirin, then under that, there are three different syringes, and under those are the vials to mix up Menopur. A lot, right? Just wait...it gets even better!

First, I decided to go with the Lupron, because I'm already familiar with how to do that shot. Here's the Lupron:

Even though I've done this shot for a week now, I decided today to stab myself REALLY SLOWLY, so slowly that I drew blood. :( So here's a picture of my tummy with my grievous wound:

MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!

No, but seriously. After that shot was the Gonal-F, because it's the second least difficult one. Now, I did have the choice of mixing Gonal-F with Menopur, but I wanted to do it all separate today so I can learn how to prepare each of them. So, here's the Gonal-F, which is pretty simple; you just inject the water from the big syringe into the vial, then use the little syringe to draw the liquid and inject.

This injection went over pretty well. No causalities. Next comes the most difficult one: Menopur.

You will notice that the needle on the very right has a FREAKING LONG TOP. This scared the crap out of me when the nurse first showed me the syringe. Thankfully, though, you switch that top with a smaller top when you are done mixing those two little vials together. It took both me and Brandon to mix this one and get it into the syringe to inject. We couldn't figure out the measurements, then realized we didn't need them (because I had to draw all of the liquid from the bottle). Duh us.

So, I injected the Menopur, which took me a moment because I didn't have the nerve to stab myself again. But, eventually, I gave into myself and stabbed away. This injection burns afterwards, I've learned, but it didn't really hurt going in.

In the end, I prevailed!

So, now I am all filled with medicine. This is your time to shine, follicles. Make me lots of eggies!

Baseline Ultrasound and Bloodwork Day

Today was baseline day, which pretty much marks the start of a new cycle for me. My true IVF cycle. I was nervous about what would happen today, because I was sure that they were going to tell me that something wasn't right and they would have to cancel.

When I first got in there, the receptionist told me I had to speak with the benefits department. This was not a good sign. I immediately start to think that my insurance doesn't cover any of this after all, and I'm in the middle of a $10,000 process that I can't afford. So, I go to benefits and they have a little stack of papers for me. One is about Brandon's SA tests, which were being sent to his old insurance and not the new one, therefore creating a balance for me to pay. I did not pay this balance, but explained the situation, and they are going to re-file.

The next thing they tell me is that my insurance doesn't cover the embryo freezing or storage, and I will have to pay out of pocket for that. The total? $1,000. I can't complain, really. I could be paying for ALL of this out of pocket, so I am going to be grateful that the most I have to cough up after all this is said and done is maybe a couple thousand. If that.

With benefits settled, I was taken back to a room for my ultrasound. Dr. P. came in and did his thing and seemed surprised. Oh wonderful, I thought to myself. Something definitely has to be wrong.

But no! Turns out that I have follicles that are already growing, despite the fact that I've not started my stims yet. He said I have at least three good ones on my right side, along with a bunch of little ones, and a bunch of little ones on my left side. These little ones will get bigger when I start the stims, which is wonderful news! If all goes well, I'll hopefully have a plethora of eggies to be fertilized, which gives me a better chance of having good embryos to transfer.

When the nurse took me into the other room for bloodwork, she stepped out to look at my chart, then said, "Wow! This looks really, really great!" Yay! So, now I'm feeling really great about everything. So great, I didn't even get mad when the nurse missed my vein and scraped it all around the inside of my arm to try and find it. Then I had to point out one for her to use. But, we got it under control.

So, after my appointment, I was feeling pretty great. This is going to work out. I start my stims tomorrow night, which I'm sure I'll mess up the first time around. I will continue them for ten days. I go back to the doctor on Monday for a repeat ultrasound and bloodwork.

Now, flashforward to right this moment, and I couldn't be more upset. My dear husband, who is irrational about things sometimes, has flipped out over the embryo storage thing and is throwing a little fit about it. Well, I don't care. I'm putting things into perspective for once, and I don't think $1,000 is a lot compared to what we COULD BE PAYING FOR THIS. That, and I'm not going to discard my embryos when I can use them down the line and not have to go through this whole freaking process all over again.

It's a long, stressful process that I am going through. Not him. I am going through this. And it sucks. And I don't want to do it again. And if that means I have to freeze my good embryos so I can have another shot? Then that's what I am going to do.

For the numbers people out there, my FSH was 8.9 (normal), and my E2 was 46 (normal). Things are looking good.

Annoying Term

I've decided that I hate when women say they've "fallen pregnant." I think it's a British thing, but it's silly. It sounds like they've caught pregnancy like you catch a cold. Pregnancy is not a malady! You BECAME pregnant.

That's my mini rant.

I didn't get much sleep last night, again. Same dreams. Same anxiety. Bleh.

Torturing Myself

In two days, I start my stimulation injections (stims). I will stim for around 10-13 days, and then we’ll have the egg retrieval. This doesn’t seem so far away to people who aren’t going through this, but for me, I feel like it’s forever away, and it’s starting to get to me.

That previous calmness I’ve described before? Well, that’s melting away into anxiety dreams and a dread that this won’t work. It’s hard not to think otherwise when four treatments of clomid failed, and then three IUIs after that. I keep up on some forums and see women who have been through IVF three and four and five times, and I am terrified that will be me.

At the same time, I feel like that a month from now, I’ll be pregnant. I know it. Somewhere deep inside, I know something has to give, and that this IVF is going to work out one way or another. Right? I’m a healthy 27 year old woman…why would I have to go through any more struggling to get my baby?

What has been helping at least a little bit is reading other women’s blogs about their IVF journeys. Right now, I feel like I’m totally doing this alone, and that no one gets it but me. I don’t like to talk about it with people because I feel like they aren’t really interested, which is why I started this blog! And I’m sure these other women kind of felt the same way, and I’m glad they documented their IVF journey because it has been preparing me for the end of my own.

So, what is happening with me right now? I’m on my eighth day of Lupron shots, which have been going over okay. I’ll be on the Lupron for a little while, I think. At least until I get to the point where I need to trigger? I’m not so sure when I stop the Lupron. It doesn’t really bother me because the needle is so thin. It’s the progesterone shot that I’m worried about. I will start that after my transfer, and it is THICK.

I’m also a little nervous about the “IVF Bloat” that happens when you are taking the stims. The bloat comes from the fact that your ovaries are enlarged like…a bazillion times bigger than they should be. I’ve heard it’s uncomfortable and not very nice to look at. It looks like you are pregnant, to be honest. Just a swell of a tummy from your balloon ovaries. Haha.

I’ve also decided that mother’s day is going to suck somewhat this year. I’ll have to find my own way to cope with the fact that if I worked like a normal human being, I’d be able to actually celebrate mother’s day this year. But no. I have to be messed up and this has to be more difficult than it should be.

Something that has been echoing through my mind lately is when a co-worker asked me, “Why are you in such a rush anyway?”

I think about those words often. And how much they hurt. And how much they still hurt, even if it’s been a year since they’ve been said. The person who asked me this? She has her own baby now. But me? I still don’t have mine. I guess I wasn’t in such a rush afterall, huh?

Alright. I’m getting bitter again, so I should leave this post as it is. Thanks for reading! I’ll probably update again on Thursday after I have my bloodwork and ultrasound. J

I'm guessing it's time for another update! Nothing has been going on, really. The injections are going well, and I've gotten over stabbing myself in the stomach. I'm going to have to get over it even more when I am giving myself 2-3 shots a day starting in just a few days.

My feet have been swelling on and off again, mostly when I'm sitting for long periods of time. But at least they aren't like before:

That sucked.

I stop birth control tomorrow, and then I'll have blood work done on the 10th, and that's probably when I'll start the stims. It's strange, because it feels like this is going by quickly, but at the same time, it feels like it is taking FOREVER.

I keep having dreams of stabbing myself with needles too. My anxiety level is slowly getting higher. I need to stay calm. Rar!

I've had three acupuncture appointments so far, and each one has been wonderful. My last one, she mostly had the needles in my back, and it was so relaxing to just lie down on the table and chill out for a half hour. She also said my feet weren't cold anymore, which I guess is a good thing? Hooray for warm feeties!

I like to think I'm still in a good place mentally, and I'm trying to take care of myself as far as that is concerned so I don't get stressed out. This means I have to make some decisions, like to walk away from conversations about babies, and to ignore all the baby crap on facebook, or to miss out on some baby events going on. Sometimes, it can be too much to handle, and I'm not going to feel bad about having to step back. I shouldn't have to. I need to stay in a good head space so I can have a baby of my own.

Anyway. That's my mini-rant right there.

I'll update again soon!

First Day of Injects

This morning marks my first day of injections. Brandon was supposed to give me my first one, but he was out on calls all last night, so I'm sure he's not going to wake up until after I've already gone to work.

The first thing I did was set up where I was going to administer the shot. This would be in my kitchen, since it's the only place with a surface I can use. So, I set out my sharps bin and got my Lupron kit ready:

Then, I took out the little Lurpon vial and pulled the plastic cap off the top.

After that, I prepared one of the needles by filling it with 10cc's of Lupron. The needle is really tiny and reads "insulin" on it, so I'm assuming it's the same sort of needles used for insulin shots. Can't be too bad, right?

 And look at those lovely nails! After this, I squeezed a little part of my belly under and to the left of my belly button, and I stuck the needle in and injected the Lupron. This was the part I thought I'd have trouble with, because I've never stuck myself with a needle before, but it wasn't too bad!

After the injection, I put the sharp into the bin and then realized I totally forgot to swab my tummy before I gave myself the shot. Oops. Next time!

The inject sight hurt just a little bit after the shot, but eventually, that went away. Now it's just a little red, and that's all.  I'm hoping I don't get the Lupron migraines that I've heard others talk about. Hopefully, my migraine medicine wards them off.

This is the first day of many days of injects. On the 5th, I'll stop my birth control pills, and then start my stimulation injections. That means I'll have two injections a day. Fun, fun.

This baby is going to be worth it, in the end. She'll never be able to say that I didn't ever want her.