9 DPO: I'm still here.

I've found that people get worried when I don't update my blog with lots of details. Of course, I did post a little while ago that I wasn't going to blog as much after my transfer because there are some things I want to keep to myself.

With IVF, it's hard to keep anything to yourself. For example, most of the staff I work with knows what I am going through because I've had to inform them of my impending frequent latenesses and absences. They have been very excited for me, but this also means that they will be asking about it, and then what do I do? Just lie to their face so I can keep the results under wraps for a little while? It's definitely not as easy as a "normal" pregnancy, where you find out and can keep it between you and your spouse for a whole trimester. I am not afforded that luxury.

I have been a bit irritable with FF lately, and I'm thinking of going off grid for the rest of the week. The passive aggressive crap toward my decision to start testing now has grated on my nerves this morning. Someone actually had the nerve to ask me, "Aren't you supposed to wait with IVF so you don't get a false positive?"

Excuse me? Are you trying to tell /me/ what I should do during IVF? Me? The one who has been through it twice already? I think I understand the dynamics of when I should test. I also understand I can't get false positives this time around because I DID NOT USE THE HCG TRIGGER. I also understand it is early -- which people love to point out and lecture me, even if I give them absolutely no reason to -- please do keep your opinions to yourself. When you go through this sort of thing (and I hope to God none of you have to), then you can lend me your advice.

Maybe I am being moody. This is very possible. Aside from FF, I have been keeping very positive. My friend lent me her hypnobabies pregnancy affirmation program, and I have listened to it before bedtime. I might not be officially pregnant yet, but I'm going to treat myself like I am and stay in that mindset. I've been surrounding myself with positive thinking, and when something or someone becomes negative, I remove myself from it all together.

I joke around with the husband and say to him, "Do you think this is good for me and Thor?" It's a running joke in our household now. Referring to myself and Thor just reminds me that I am technically carrying my baby right now. He just has to stick and hold on for the ride.

Nothing else has been happening, really. Just waiting, praying and hoping. No real symptoms aside from some cramping yesterday and feeling "off" though I can't pinpoint what "off" actually is. I don't read into symptoms much anyway. If I had to take 10,000 units of HCG with a 5,000 unit booster and I never had symptoms from that, I doubt I am going to have symptoms this early in the game.

There's your update. I'll peek back in sometime this week, maybe.