Numbing Fear

I had to get this out of my head and onto paper, so to speak.

Deep down inside, I am terrified of this cycle failing. I have all the hope in the world that it won't, but I am beside-myself-scared that it will. I just keep thinking about how I am going through all of this all over again, and how nothing has worked before -- so why would it work now?

And then I yell at myself for thinking this way. And I wonder if it would be best to just pour myself into this round of IVF and really, truly believe it is going to work. But then I get afraid again, because if I make myself believe it will work, and it doesn't end up working, then I will be as crushed as ever.

I don't know what I should do. Cautiously optimistic makes me scared too. I just don't want my heart to be broken again.